The Constant Battle:

the constant war within my mind

Cold, an isolated feeling; 

I feel the shivers down my arms;

As if I'm on a cliff as thin as ice;

Below the surface a mix of emotions bubbling,

cracking the ice;

Fighting to get out; 

Each misstep is like falling over the cliffs edge;

Like I'm falling and once I hit rock bottom

it's all the more harder to get back up;

Almost quitting on myself;

I almost want to just stay down, but I know if 

I do I'll drift into nonexistence;

I keep climbing up to the cliffs edge; 

I stay standing at the very edge and try to keep

walking no matter how much the ice cracks beneath my feet;

Each step like there's a thousand pounds of pressure on my shoulders;

Smiling and wearing a mask that hides the cracking ice;

A mask to hide all pain and the dried tears; 

Giving up bits of my soul to make others smile so they never feel 

like an empty shell;

I know I'm a good person but that doesn't mean 

I won't feel the way I do;

I'm exhausted emotionally; 

I'm tired of struggling and fighting;

But no matter what I made it this far;

So I won't quit;

I feel my heart beating inside this shell of bubbling emotions;

I just want to smile;

To feel warm inside;

To no longer feel cold and numb;

To feel that sense of peace;

To feel the calm you feel when you sit out in the grass

during a sunny afternoon with the cool breeze swaying the the trees;

The wind blowing the light white flower petals;

A sense of calmness and peace;

The sun shining;

No longer a feeling of standing on thin ice

but to feel as though I'm standing on solid ground; 

No longer crying tears of sorrow, but sweet tears of joy;