Just one of the Many Stories

A story of stories, in more ways than one.

I see a man; a woman and child,

they watch T.V. (and the crowd goes wild!)

They cheer for the athlete in all his glory

This is just one of the many stories.

 

I see an elderly woman,

she reads a book, knits, either one

It's a quilt she makes, a gift, from her to Torrie.

This is just one of the many stories.

 

I see a rebellious teen,

with his pants worn loose, shirt unclean

listening to music of an endless inventory.

This is just one of the many stories.

 

I see a window, a reflection,

a reflection of a man- a pitiful man

one with no future,

his hopes and dreams can grow no fewer.

 

This is just one of the many stories

of the building from which I fall.

Author's Note

I need some ways to work on rhythm, but anything helps, it really does.

Reviews

[silvitic]

If you want to improve the rhythm I would suggest a syllable count. Using ellipses would help slow the reader down, if you want to do that. The rhyming felt disjointed at times, but rhyming isn't really important, but it would create a better rhythm and flow. Stupid question, but did you mean for 'stories' to have a double meaning? Overall I liked the poem. Seeing the different stories helps put things in perspective. It's like you're seeing what the man remembers and thinks about right before he kills himself.

[dave]

The stories represent the stories, or floors, of the building he's falling from as well as the stories of the people he sees inside the building; as he falls he sees many stories.

[silvitic]

That's what I assumed, thanks for the clarification.

[Marie]

You're right; you don't have the rythm, but many poets don't follow those rules.
I'd suggest for the first verse: I see a man; a woman and child/they watch T.V. (and the crowd goes wild!)...I don't think you can ryme "future" and "fewer"...

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I love the progression and the shift of the story. It is cool and I love also the twisted end of the story. Rhyming is not important in a brilliant work like this :) thanks for sharing.

[dave]

'Brilliant' yay! :D Thanks for reading!

[A. H. Pinley]

I see a man woman and child,
she reads a book knits, either one
with his pants worn loose shirt unclean
a reflection of a man- a pitiful man (man is used too much. Hesitation anticipation)

[dave]

Thanks Pinley, just made those changes :D

[A. H. Pinley]

Reads nice!