A Lone Wolf Soliloquy

A man that is lonely in darkness, thoughts evacuate out of his mind, almost to the point death is his only friend. There are questions he cannot answer, he lays awake as suicide attaches itself.

The day’s sun falls

Branches rest on the shoulders of the wind

Twilight fades and the full moon dreams

The wolf howls and moans his loneliness

My eyes become, the black coated raven that cries

Silently, so the owl does not hoot

Awakening the dagger through my heart

 

Too late as rabid reality strikes my skull

Woodpecker in search of my fate

For no man knows where the thoughts

Of my ashes lay

A subside beast lurking, o be slain

 

The night of unfaithful bliss

Inferno chains, suicide I crave

With aching pains, I heed not for my action

Or the consequences to be attached

For this endless night of rattling chains

Strangles my breath,

How does a man unlock a shadow cage?

Author's Note

Feed back on the imagery and flow

Reviews

[Kristallo]

How does a man unlock a shadow cage? Fascinating question. I felt a sense of foreboding unease as I read this, the symbolism of night-time, aching, your mind defying the will of your heart by plagiarizing your soul with wishes for death. There is an extreme drama of the mind expressed here, it's flow was smooth and vivid. You did really well on this, I like it a lot, and I also feel that I really relate to what you're saying here. Great write!

[Siren]

Flow was fantastic, though I feel some of the imagery is a bit obscure. Perhaps I should read it when I'm more awake, but for the first time reading it, it was pretty great. Awesome job! Can't wait to read more from you! :D

[外人 (Gaiji..]

very good :) Both imagery and flow are very good :)

[Cathy Wattam]

The flow is fine, the imagery is great. I felt uneasy reading it though. Great final question, which does indeed make one ponder. I love the line "Branches rest on the shoulders of the wind". Very good write.

[Wolfwind]

I think you've got a winner with your imagery, as to the flow, I think the piece would be better in center format, than in left format. The other thing that might make it flow a bit better is to change up some of the lines beginnings so to take out filler words, such as "and and as"
For example... line # 3 just drop the "as" and line # 7, drop the and, and change it to "awakening"

Line 4 of the last stanza reads a bit odd, did you mean it to be "attached"?

Other than those things, It gave a powerful flow of vision and brought to mind the walk of one who has stepped back from the pain of life and wanders in the shadows, trying to put the pieces of sanity back together again.

Very nice!
Aaron