I'm still ALIVE!

To them and to their unrealistic expectations, those are killing your dreams.

 

They tied me to the sun, and I let them, as I always do.

The sun, burning with their desires, their expectations, their dreams…

And my dreams, oh, were taken away from me; they’ve also torn my wings. I was lost without my identity,

And I couldn’t do anything.

 

The sun was burning wildly and it’s hurting me.

I wanted escape but like a tree I couldn’t move. They held my roots, were not letting me move and

It’s hurting me more.

 

I was screaming in pain, but like an ant.

No one was noticing me, no one could ever. As if, I was nothing, my life’s not worth living.

 

But I was screaming

-

Don’t kill me like this

Please listen to me – Please!

-

 

I begged, I cried, I died.

 

My soul was burnt. I was in pain. It was unbearable, and for once, wandering off the dreams, my gaze searched for an umbrella,

because I knew they would never listen to my cries, and I needed shade against these flames of their burning desires.

So…I was giving in,When from my inside I heard,

 

~ Live your dreams, you’re still alive ~

 

Someone whispered gently, but firmly.

I couldn’t imagine that I was alive but somehow, I’ve started feeling it in.

 

Now I’ve wiped off my tears. I know my time will come. I just need to fight.

I won’t surrender my dreams.

 

Let there be fire.

 

Their sun will not hold me anymore, I’ll melt it. I’m burning now… burning with rage.

I’ll fall over myself to be me!

 

Because I know, now, all I need is to CHANGE!

 

 

 

Words used:

imagine – ant – wandering – tree –  shade - wildly – tears – fall – gently - umbrella

Reviews

[Helena]

WOW!!! BRAVO POET! You have hit the contest head on with this fantastic write.....
all what a prose poem should be and more. Not a bad effort for your first one my friend
not bad at all. in fact it was brilliant!

"They tied me to the sun, and I let them, as I always do."

What a first line! It jumped right out and just about bit me on the nose! lol. Riveting to say
the least and I just knew I was going to be in for a treat! And a treat it was.....so many wonderful stanzas with the 10 words woven in and used to their very best advantage.

The sentiments struck a chord too, very deep meaning behind the words and I was trying to guess between the lines.....I can only imagine...


"Their sun will not hold me anymore, I'll melt it. I'm burning now� burning with rage."
I'll fall over myself to be me!"

This was one awesome write by one talented young man. Thank you for joining Tovli's contest!

Never stop writing my friend!!

~ Helena ~ :)

[DiamondNRough AKA Patty..]

Awsome...you did so good at using all the words, that seemed to not relate to me, when checking out this contest. I just gave up. This is really good!

[xlynne]

5th line you said was but then you said hurting, you should stick with one tense. and on the 6th line when you said: "I wanted escape but like a tree I couldn't move. They held my roots, were not letting me move" you switched tense with wanted and letting. watch your tense throughout your poem and make sure you're consistent with it

other than that, your poem was beautiful. very uplifting and empowering. you tell the tale of ones opinions not mattering and then show how one can go against the odds and overcome the oppression. i love how you wrote your oppressors as the sun, it was a really unique way to do that. great write!

[EliJoLee]

woww.
i loved the first lines of this piece.
very deep and very spoken out.
i very much liked the message you
put into this.
very swell done!!

[Sharon Miller Bolander]

What an inspirational story! It's a perfect one to reading when you're feeling things can't ever get better. Congratulations on your placement in the contest. :-) Sharon

[Teenage poet]

An amazing passage. I loved it so much. I especially liked the line "I won't surrender my dreams." that was the best part of the whole poem. At least in my opinion it was. Keep up the excellent writing.