Beautiful Building

  

Echoes of forgiveness penetrate

Steel walls

Only to escape

By breaking windows.

Now the shattered glass

Remains not cleaned up

To serve as defense mechanism

In keeping onlookers at a distance.

Then no one can see that

Even though this structure looks strong

It has one big weakness…

 

                  Still feeling hollow

                  Feeling like anyone who enters

                  Is merely a visitor,

                  Fearing being vandalized and

                  Abandoned.

 

The hate of being rented grows every day

But still can’t bear the thought of being sold.

Wishing the foundation was built on softer ground

So the next time the earthquakes

It could find itself on new property.

Such a beautiful building is already condemned

Even though it is in perfect structure.

 

Reviews

[An owl on the moon]

There is such a profound depth flowing through your words that echoes buildings and lives as well... that hollow feeling that makes one seem so empty... You've created a piece here that speaks so beautifully on several levels, to our current economic times and the emotional influence of isolation in the world. Amazing write.

[Poetic Beauty]

this is a great poem but I see a deeper metaphor here. I see it as man talking about himself using the building structure as a parable so to speak. It tells a sad tale of loss and loneliness and feeling empty inside. great write as always. I would love to hear back if it got this topic right. It flows smoothly and it is one you can take as it is or see the deeper meaning.

[Sorry Infamous]

Feeling like anyone who enters
Is merely a visitor,
Fearing being vandalized and
Abandoned.
I liked this stanza in bold... it could almost stand out alone, solid on it's own.

[Voice]

Wow this is amazing!!! The comparison between a person's life and this building is a great way to describe that hollow feeling you can sometimes get inside.

Voice

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

this is very metaphoric to me .. i equate the buiding with life .. this is really good .. you have grown so much since i first met you and read you ..you were good then too no offense but now, now you are ibe if the greats, a very good poem...
Chloe
xoxo

[Sheila Kline]

You are surely in a deep and reflective mode of thinking as you speak of being as a building of steel, being rented, rather than being sold...Hold on!

At least when we rent we have a lease to start over, so you are showing some hope, even though you are downhearted, and wondering what is in store for you! Letting go completely, and starting over with shattered windows, broken glass, feelings hollowness left behing you.

Your format is good, and I like the way you have in "bold" the portion that most vividly explains your feelings of self examination!

DON'T LOSE HOPE!

[Ladysue]

OMG this is brilliant cowboy!!!!!! As craig said there is so much profound depth in here with such precision!!!! Sad, but this is a well constructed masterpiece!!!!! Excellently stated!!!!!

[Phibby Venable]

i love how you use the building and the emotional build up. excellent!!!

[Bud]

The depth of this Magnificent piece is bottomless, Dale. Life in itself is tangible only as a rental unit. Therefore, inherently any and all things in it become nothing more than units of rental, themselves. Unfortunately, renting has it's cons as well as pros. We are free from certain aspects, but plagued by others. Pain is one that is part of the contract. A price we pay for the pleasures. Pleasures would not be, were it not for the pains. Pleasures would then be only another facet we take for granted and never acknowledge as a value. Keep up the Outstanding works of art!

[LisetteCanWrite!]

Brilliant portrayal.. and I do believe each person has and comes from a foundation.. not always easy to judge the strength of others foundations from the outside though.. some appear weak and are stronger.. some appear strong but have major faults.. I don't judge that.. it's simply impossible to do it.. without walking in someone's own shoes.. and being them. A real sense of someone hurt pours through this.. needing a defense mechanism to get them through day to day.. thus is the times though! Many have those systems based on life experience.. it's sad .. but it's true. It's so much nicer to trust.. be open.. but once bit twice shy.. bit more than once? Should others get so many chances in life... people are human.. make mistakes.. that can only be determined by the person who is hurt.. and based on WHAT their experience has been.. if someone does not accept an apology.. then the other must move on. You can forgive as well.. and not be able to forget in some cases.. I have experienced much.. balanced deligence must be used to weigh out these things. I am optimistic.. but not a fool.. life and the people surrounding me has taught me that. I feel badly if this is written from a real life scenario.. and wish that life was all peaches and cream.. but truly it is not all that with everyone.. I focus on the good.. thank you for sharing! =)

[Dezaraye]

There's a Disney cartoon about a beautiful little house. In the house, there is a beautiful and wonderful family. As the house gets older, it becomes completely encased by gigantic buildings. Eventually the house is abandoned. It always made me so sad ... and this piece reminded me of that. Naturally, there is a happy ending as it's a Disney flick.

I feel like this sometimes ... I know I'm supposedly strong, but I don't FEEL that way. Thanks for the beautiful words.