Twelve Days Of Christmas(joke)

This is not mine. It was sent to me in an email a couple years ago. It is so funny and wanted to share it.

On the Twelve Days of Christmas, My True Love Gave to Me . . . December 14, 2003       Dearest Dave,   I went to the door today, and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. This was a delightful gift! I couldn't have been more surprised or pleased darling!   With truly the deepest love, Agnes   December 15, 2003   Dearest Dave,   Today the postman brought me yet another of your sweet gifts. The two turtule doves that arrived today are adorable, and I'm delighted by your thoughtful and generous ways.   With all of my love, Your Agnes   December 16, 2003   Dearest Dave,   You've truly been too kind! I must protest; I don't deserve such generosity. The thought of getting three French hens amazes me. Yet, I am not surprised--what more should I expect from such a nice person.   Love, Agnes   December 17, 2003   Dear Dave,   Four calling birds arrived in the mail today. They are truly nice but don't you think that enough is enough? You are being too romantic.   Affectionately, Agnes   December 18, 2003   Dearest darling Dave,   It was a surprise to get five golden rings! I now have one for every finger. You truly are impossible darling, yet oh how I love it! Quite frankly, all of those squarking birds from the previous days were starting to get on my nerves. Yet, you managed to come through with a beautiful valuable gift!   All my love, Agnes   December 19, 2003   Dear Dave,   When I opened my door, there were actually six geese a-laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are dear, but where will I keep them? The neighbors are complaining, and I am unable to sleep with all the racket. Please stop dear.   Cordially, Agnes   December 20, 2003   Dave,   What is with you and those stupid birds!? Seven swans a-swimming!! What kind of sick joke is this!!?? There are bird droppings everywhere! They never shut up, and I don't get any sleep!!! I'm a nervous wreck! It's not funny you weirdo, so stop with the birds.   Sincerely, Agnes   December 21, 2003   O.K. wise guy,   The birds were bad enough. Now what do you expect me to do with eight maids a-milking? If that's not bad enough, they had to bring their cows!! The front lawn was completely ruined by them, and I can't move in my own house! Just lay off me or you'll be sorry!   Agnes   December 22, 2003   Hey loser,   What are you? You must be some kind of sadist!! Now there are nine pipers playing, and they certainly do play! They haven't stopped chasing those maids since they got here! The cows are getting upset, and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. The neighbors are getting up a petition to evict me, and I'm going out of my mind!   You'll get yours! Agnes   December 23, 2003   You rotten scum!!!   There are now ten ladies dancing! There is only one problem with that! They're dancing twenty-four hours a day all around me with the pipers upsetting the cows and the maids. The cows can't sleep, and they are going to the bathroom everywhere! The building commissioner has subpoenaed me to give cause as to why the house shouldn't be condemned! I can't even think of a reason! You creep! I'm sicking the police on you!   One who means it!   December 24, 2003   Listen you evil, sadistic, maniac!   What's with the eleven lords-a-leaping?!? They are leaping across the rooms breaking everything and even injuring some of the maids! The place smells, is an absolute mad house, and is about to be condemned! At least the birds are quiet; they were trampled to death by the cows. I hope you are satisfied--you rotten vicious worthless piece of garbage!   Your sworn enemy, Agnes   December 25, 2003   The Law Offices of Badger, Rees, and Yorker 20 Knave Street Chicago, Illinois   Dear sir,   This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers-fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, one Agnes Mcholstein. The destruction of course was total. If you attempt to reach Ms. Mcholstein at Happy Daze Sanatarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on site.   Please direct all correspondence to this office in the future. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.   Cordially, Badger, Rees, and Yorker

 

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I needed this poem. Laughter cure all pain. I work retail. Christmas is hard work. I hope you are having a fun and safe holiday.
Coyote

[Ladysue]

burst out laughing Dale...very funny.. :)

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Glad it made you laugh tiny dancer.

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

I laughed until I cried! TY!(even though my children now think mother has lost it due to the stress of the holdays) my youngest brought me a box of tissue and asked if he needed to call someone! This really brightened the day!

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Well I am glad to hear that. I enjoy bringing joy to others.

[Ana Papaya]

LOL! This was so much fun. I love it!
Love the slow progression!

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

I found it hilarious too, I love that there is a letter for each gift.

[MomzillaNC]

OMG! Hilarious! You MUST MUST MUST share a link to this on WE PAW Blog on Facebook!

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

I would but I do not know what WE Paw is.

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Never mind, I found it and am going to post it now.

[MomzillaNC]

:D :D

[The Invisible Girl]

LOL! Hilarious

[LA Lorena]

LOL. I laughed myself silly! thanks!

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

It is long but kinda cute... we all need to laugh :)

[Kenneth The Poet]

I laughed hard here.

[.]

ha ha ha LOL...clever and comical twist on a classic song!!

[Lilly]

hahaha - very funny! great twist on the classic Christmas carol
Thanks for sharing it with us!