the trash

So I was running down the stairs for my life. Then I tripped and fell onto my face and I knew that it was the end of my life. I forgot to take out the trash and now my wife would annihilate me. Like literally. Annihilation is not on my bucket list. So I got up ran out the door and took the garbage out. Then I realized that I left the garbage inside and ran to get it. But when I went inside I could not find the garbage.

So my wife would be home in 2 hours and if that trash was not taken out as I said before I would be annihilated. I searched the whole house but could not find anything. I had to find it quickly before death finds me. And by death I mean my lover. By lover I mean former lover, by former lover I mean enemy. And finally by enemy I mean murderer. You know how they it is a dream come true. For me it was a nightmare come true. And I bet you that I probably also peed my pants. Like bad.

But I did not know because I was so frightened that I could not feel myself. So who knows if I peed my pants. I should off known but I did not. So technically no one would know whether I did. That would remain a mystery forever. Or at least till my wife came and washed the clothes. If my pants were wet that means that I did pee. But I would have to wait for my wife to come home but that is one thing that I did not.

So my wife would be home in 5 minutes and I really needed to find that trash. I felt as if I was digging my own grave and trust me it was not fun. Then at last there was the dreaded sound. It was my neighbor’s Prius. That meant that my wife would be home in 1 minute. So it was the last minute and I was in a frenzy. It was as if that everything had come down to this last minute just as it happens in MasterChef. You know how in the last minute they go absolutely crazy. Well that is what happened to me. But the difference is that they are usually in control of their dishes but I was not.

 She was here. I could hear her footsteps as if she was Godzilla and I knew I would die. She entered and I quickly ran towards her and said, “Sorry for not taking the trash out.” She then told me that today she took it out for me because she wanted me to sleep. But then she looked at all the clutter. Everything was here and there. “Who did this?”, my wife menaced. “Would you believe it if I said that a mini tornado got into our house and knocked everything over.”, I asked in return. I got a long scolding as an answer. So I did not forget to take the trash out but I screwed up the whole house instead. I would have rather forgotten the trash.