Help me finish it

Death's ugly head,

Will appear in your bed.

Your legs will be like lead,

And soon you will be dead.

Author's Note

Add words, lines, stanzas I don't care. I just need help to figure out what else to add. For once I'm trying to get other's involved in my writing. I like the idea of people giving what they think would work. Don't be afraid to say/put ANYTHING. NO ONE will judge you!

Reviews

[♪Barklight♪]

i slip away in sleep,
and darkness soft and deep.
to the place i once came from,
the shadows are my home.

[afra]

dark and powerful ...well done

[Bats In The Belfry]

Hearts mercurial stop
In Deaths hand flops
Torrid breath does blaze
Over your carcass he does gaze

Took a stab at it...though i didnt follow your pattern...hmmm

[Grace Catherine C.]

well, why does this person need to die?
"And oh how you'll scream
for being so mean
You think you the queen?
well this is my dream
so come on, b***h, scream."
lol or something like that, ya know, give us a reason

[Dean Kuch®]

When he bares his teeth
Your life you must bequeath
And greet the earth beneath
To finally rest in peace.

[Lee]

this seamlessly flows and fits in with the previous stanza. nice

[forevermore1218]

i like the way you made it already. besides if we gave you lines then it wouldn't be completely yours anymore. I like your message and think it has a lot of meaning already.

[Tim]

I think it's fine the way it is also. I would only complete it with the line: from your dream's final dread. Or something like that. Scary poem.

[eglantine]

I don't really think that it needs anymore, unless you inserted a line between each one, performing an ABAB rhyme scheme.

[Pencrafter]

You have a good start on your poem. I think it needs more by way of explanation. Maybe it could be talking about a dream. An interesting side note--when we sink into deep sleep our brain actually paralyzes us so that we don't hurt ourselves. And sometimes we start waking before we're completely released, resulting in a moment of panic when we can't move our arms or legs. I believe that we each can learn something from everyone else. Possibly: When sleep's hold is shed...We wake up from our dread. Something like that.

[EileenMarie]

I'm not good at rhyming poems ... Can I help any other way?