Angel

This is a poem I wrote in freshman year of high school after losing my first love. I personified myself as a raincloud. I hope you all enjoy. Criticisms are welcome, but please be kind/constructive

He was an angel, 

you were a star, 

and I was a cloud to catch him upon.

Breaking the fall of a wounded wing, 

with your light in his eyes 

I have heard him sing. 

Only with you can his sky be blue.  

I've never mattered a minute or two. 

But the taste of sweet promise, 

a hope now repressed, 

that I could show him I may be his best

was what kept me afloat

in that sky, so depressed.  

While holding out for days of rain

and rumbling ill with the thunder of pain, 

gripped in the claws of unwilling heart ache, 

never once did his enamored gaze feign.  

Bittersweet torn between joy and disdain, 

the angel I'd cradled was happy again.

Laid at your feet, 

drawn to your hand, 

his feelings now simple as one grain of sand. 

Rejection was no more a stain on my heart, 

and a beauty apparent yet one world apart

came knocking to give my senses a start.

While sorrowed at the thought that he may depart,

so blindly in love had my angel become, 

I had given up hopes of becoming his one. 

As often happens when one stares at the sun, 

color crept in while sound hushed to a hum. 

My grey had vanished, if one could believe

and I knew his affection was not mine to thieve

as I laid eyes on a sight only God could conceive.  

Right out of reach with breath paused on my lips, 

he was vanished within your lover's eclipse, 

stolen from eyes as magic to mist. 

I wish I could take from him only one kiss.

Author's Note

I realize that this has a lot of rhyme in it, but it was purposefully written to flow that way as that is a theme in my writing.

Reviews

[An owl on the moon]

So beautiful... and so filled with the pain of loving... of losing someone so precious and wondrous to you... It made me ache wishing you could have recaptured all your dreams and made them dance for you, dear Em...

[Bear]

As A rhymer myself I see nothing wrong with you rhyme sequence, your word choices fit you topic and you didn't try to smarten it up by using big words that tend to change the meaning as so many poets do, I like it. Over the years I have experimented with rhyme from first word of each line to middle of the sentence rhyming words so keep looking for the perfect rhyme :)