I Wanna Be Top Writer

Inspired by the Writers cafe's secret society s**t storm. A not to bad of an idea that quickly went awry

Straight to the top of the poetry chart
That's a fair deal to me
I don't want to work or do anything
Just hand it all to me

I can't be bothered to send RR's
I'm too cool to review
I'm too brilliant to learn to write
Cause I'm better than you

I write free verse with my eyes closed
hammered on whiskey sours
Hemingway was drunk off his a*s
That's how I spend my hours

So when I wrote my masterpiece
It didn't make the top
It's all that other writer's fault
The one who has me blocked

When all I said was he sucked a*s
and couldn't write a list
Some constructive criticism
So now the a*****e's pissed

Can't you see my brilliant genius
I shouldn't have to work
I don't want to write my way up
Cause I'm a lazy jerk

I don't wanna play the WC game
The social network shtick
I don't want to write reviews for
A bunch of rubes and hicks

So gimmi gimmi gimmi that top spot
I want it right away
Screw you chumps who worked for it
Who cares about fair play

Reviews

[Dean Kuch®]

Ah-h-h-h, my dear BR. Who has decided to piss in your Rice Crispies, my friend? Whoever it was, you ought to bow, then extend a warm and hearty—"Hey, thank you!"—'cause this poem here, it's a keeper! They have certainly inspired you to write a scathing, wicked satirical poem, which makes many valid points, I might add. I will say one rather derogatory thing about WC...It certainly ain't the place for writers of stories to go, that's fer damn sure! Just look at the live feed, for example. Poem, poem, poem, poem, poem comment on poem, poem...ad infinitum. I prefer to write stories. That's why I'm rarely ever here anymore. No one wants to take the time, it seems, to read a story. I'm no poet, that's a given. But, I do know what I like, and this little gem is going in my personal library.

As I said earlier, it's a keeper!

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Dean. Sadly that is true about stories and the WC. Poets are ADD cases.

[Emily B]

invite me to a story and i will read it

[Nusquam Esse]

How unfortunate that his profile was closed. I was actually curious what his stories would be about.

[Philip Muls]

Which site is good for stories ? Any tips ? Regards Philip

[Nusquam Esse]

Hahahaha, your works sucks a*s, because...it sucks a*s! Derpa Derrrr. (sounds like my parents as a kid, when I asked why I couldn't do something; although I still maintain that they were the immature ones there) Seriously a great poem here! I love satire, and while this may not be Jonathan Swift, this has all the scathing scorn that I love and look for. Most people just want people to look over their own work, and they get so caught up in personal verification, that they forget that this is exactly what most writers want. You want someone to look at your work? Even published works are often skipped over, so roughly written stories on a small community are likely to slip through the cracks. But this site offers one opportunity which is not so readily available in the real world, the ability to earn criticism and critique. Writing even a simple review for an a writer, no matter how amateur, who is struggling can really make their day. People forget all too easily that it is not all about them. Thanks for posting such a nice piece (or perhaps it isn't so nice?) My only issue with this site so far, is how unbalanced the quantity of poems are to stories. I am a story writer, no so much about poetry. Few people want to take the time to either write or read stories, so getting feedback is difficult. Not to mention, I have an easier time reviewing stories, since I understand them better. But I guess this is just another challenge; time to get down and dirty with the poetry, and maybe I will better understand it in time?

[Baby Ricochet]

I wrote this piece during a huge WC flame war over the top writer spot which has since been removed from the WC because of said flame war. The 25 letter minimum for reviews came out of that s**t storm too. Presumably so people wouldn't post "You suck" without 18 periods after their critique. Most of the writers who stirred this place up either got banned or just drifted away so it's been quiet around here lately. Thanks for stopping by Nusquam. I appreciate it.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

That picture cracked me up right away before I even read a word. Then, the poem just maintained the laughter. I find that it's always good to deal with issues through humor, and the greatest truths are always said in jest. For me, it's a way of speaking a truth without hurting anyone's feelings; and once everyone shares the laughter, they forget about all of the "small stuff." When it boils down to it, it's all small stuff and not worth getting upset over.

I'm glad that these events inspired you rather than defeating you.

[Baby Ricochet]

Me too. Thank you Linda

[Antoñyo]

Wow...I've read two from you now and
they are both WC back alley classics (Starbucks sells whiskey sours now?) !
Awesome read,

Thanks for the necessary share

[Baby Ricochet]

Thanks for stopping by

[MsJewel]

LOL

I'm new to WC, so I don't know where this came from, but your vent was hyserically funny and I really needed a good laugh this evening. I'm so glad I found this one.

:) Julie

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Julie

[Tom]

Great craic with a very pertinent message within! If you want to be a somebody, you'll need to pump proverbial iron many times beforehand!!

[Baby Ricochet]

For sure. Thank you tom

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

I was chuckling from beginning to end; no dull moment there. The thoughts are fluid and the rhyme scheme is well-written. Clever mix of wit and humor. You deserve to be a top writer. :x

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Blue

[Joyce S. Greene]

Loved the graphic, BR, the expression on that girl's face says it all. Everybody wants to see their name up in lights, but few really want to work at it. Can't remember who said, "Genius is 1 part inspiration and 9 parts perspiration," but, whoever he was, he was brilliant and right! Learning to write is serious business and just wanting to be a good writer isn't enough. You have to read and read and read and then write and write and write. And what you write still may not be good enough. But if you enjoy writing and others smile or cry while reading your work, you've done welll. Thanks for giving me a jumping off place to work out some of my thoughts, BR. You've written another very provocative, interesting and entertaining piece. Bravo!

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you Joyce

[Plume de flamme]

The best kind of work is HARD but the rewards are SOFT. Another home run, Baby.

[Pryde Foltz]

Oh, Baby. You speak the truth, I'm afraid. Another brilliant satire,

[Seamstress]

Damn it, thought I had all of my middle school pictures burned. Where did you find that?
Love this!

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you seamstress