Abortion's Aftermath: What Kind of Mother was I?

post-abortion syndrome.

Hello my name is not so important 

As is my story and the message I want to share 

I hope it helps someone in someway

And just make us a little more aware.

Be prepared, because this subject is forbidden

It’s not popular or talked about in the open

This silent killer can eat you up inside

The topic and my story today is on abortion.

Now it’s a known fact that abortion is the killing of babies

& Out there are so many controversial views

But many don't realize or know what to do about

The fact that abortion silently kills a piece of you too

The effects of abortion have no prejudices

Dads, grandparents, and siblings can feel it too

Us girls and women have got to realize

That pregnancies/abortions don't belong to or effect just you

So now I’m in a different place

And God has healed my heart & soul

I can share my story how he's cleansed

Forgiven, restored & made me whole.

He is my light and my salvation

& I give him all the praise and glory

Though I owe him everything; I have nothing 

But what he's given me and his amazing story.

This is the story of my condemnation and shame

How for years I silently suffered quietly

But it all finally revealed the truth of God’s grace

And the power of his love that set me free.

When I was very young, just a child

Left to myself I learned to keep things hid

Because if I hid them, no one would know

And if no one knew, it was ok what I did.

But I soon found out, what’s done in the dark

All will eventually come to the light

And secrets do not stay hidden long

And the mask I wore, reflected a lie.

These hidden secrets buried

Deep inside eating away at me

Building walls to protect myself 

Not realizing, It's me I'm imprisoning

But I still remember that day so vividly

How they came and took me into a room

Gave me a gown to change into

& I knew something horrible would happen soon.

Left in that room all alone and scared

It was on that table that I prayed.

I prayed and prayed that the doctors were wrong

And all this would be a huge mistake.

Because I for one, could NOT be pregnant

At least, not at my young age 

Could this really be happening to me?

God, I need a miracle, I pray.

But the lady doctor in the white coat comes in

She is moving stuff around and speaking

I hear her voice and see her lips move 

But I am not sure what she is saying.

But I Do know she is not saying the right thing to me

Like “I’m sorry, there’s been a misunderstanding”

Or “you shouldn’t be here; you can go now”

So I shut her out and I just quit listening.

I pray again and ask God where my miracle is

I plead for him to hear my prayer.

I hope he is not too busy.

And for me He has a moment to spare.

Because they say, God is never late

But something needs to happen now.

But wait! Why is she moving my legs

And what in the world is that vacuum sound?

I tell myself, Gods not coming through

Oh how I'm wishing this was just a fantasy

But I'm on my own again as usual

And there just is no escaping this reality.

But what kind of mother was I

That I let my innocent baby die

What kind of mother doesn’t mourn her baby

or find someway to say goodbye.

What kind of mother was I

Before you had a chance to breathe

I let them kill you in my womb

Silenced even before you had a dream

A killed destiny and murdered future

Like a judge and jury in a courtroom

But I am in no way a judge

And don't have the right to take anything from you.

I didn’t understand the consequences of my actions

You were a gift from God no matter how you came

I didn't know that before the foundations were laid

In His hands the father had written your name

And how I’ll have to live with this

Throughout the rest of my life

The guilt and shame of it all

Cuts deep in my heart just like a knife.

Over the years feeling like there was no hope

Feeling worthless because I aborted you

But somehow it made our futures intwined

Because something in me died that day too.

And even though Jesus saved me

And I felt I gave him everything 

This, deep down I kept to myself

Because I believed I deserved this pain.

But God knows, sees all, and he does forgive

Although there could be none for me

I didn't know that his red blood could turn a black stain white

And how when he saves, it is complete!

And even though I tried to keep it from Him

He wouldn’t let me stay in that condition

He Pursued me with his unfailing love

And making him known became my mission.

He isn't weak and does things halfway

Just putting together pieces of you

His powerful hand fixes your brokenness

Puts you together and makes you new.

Because of his unconditional love and grace

I no longer wear the robe of guilt and shame

I’ve been rescued, delivered & set free

And I no longer feel the sting of the pain.

So don’t let this secret own you too

Kick it straight out the door

Expose Satan and his schemes

And live with the effects of the pain no more.

Don’t ignore abortion’s aftermath

Don’t alienate your family and friends

Don’t drown in your own sorrows

Don't believe This is your end.

God, who is without sin loves 

And is able to take the pain away

You don’t have to suffer alone in silence

Wholeness and healing can be yours today.

You have the power to end your pain

If you would just call on Jesus name

Therefore speak & break the silence

I declare you will never be the same

I know you may be afraid of change

But I promise it will be worth it

You need healing so step forward

Don't deny this, you deserve it

Now What kind of mother am I

Well....that story is still being molded

In the master’s hand I’m unfinished clay 

And my life is still being unfolded.