Child's Play

Real or not Real?

i'm afraid of you
who is afraid of me
because i resemble a woman
you find most frightening
and i killed a man
to sleep with you
just to prove
that i was dedicated,
his heart in my hands, 
handed over-
i can't tell if it pleases you
or if you are waiting for the day
when you become my sacrificial entrance
to some other man's bed
a priestess of romance, 
you should be able to see
the number of times i've cut open my own breast
just to play in someone's pillowset
i couldn't bear to give you the rest
you'll have to make due
with his instead
i hope someday we will supplement
the empty spaces
in one another's chests
because if you choose to believe,
i long to see the day i make you whole
to see the day this gap between us
will close
a foul mouth, sewn shut
and while we sleep in rented places
i swear someday, i will take you home
a place i plan to make
and while we wander public spaces
i swear someday, we will wander a place
we call our own
with people we both know
because when your eyes leave mine
i try to hold still
like a child, 
hoping for a butterfly 
i know the gale force of our fear
could take you from me
but i am trying to be peaceful
the sepulchre of my past
laid to rest
and looking at a swingset
screeking, squeaking with the weight of 
children
you said
'i wonder if it will break'
and i said
'nah, i think they'll be ok'

 

Reviews

[Clockwork]

This poems holds the caustic furry that many of your other poems do. You address such real issues and themes that the emotion becomes palpable and real. That is especially present in the tone you uses, as well as the idea of total sacrifice.

The second half of the piece is different from what I have seen from you. It has a tone of longing. That tone transforms into a yearning that transforms into hope by the end. The lines "i swear someday, i will take you home/a place i plan to make/ and while we wander public spaces/ i swear someday, we will wander a place/ we call our own" are my favorite. I think they convey an idea that strikes at the heart of this poem and some of the other you have written. I also thought the metaphor of the swingset was a really good way to end this poem. Well done, it was a pleasure reading.

[Eagle Cruagh]

I love peaches, but this poem is a worry.
It is filled with bitterness about the one '
you think you love and about life with this
individual.
I would like to really understand you, to know
what you are saying between the lines of this
writing.
Tell me......

---- John

[Earthy Mumma Soul]

Awesome writing , you have talent :)

[Amit Parmessur]

'A good talented write-up. I love it, its intricacies and meaning.' So well said.

[kdpgrahi]

A good talented write-up. I love it, its intricacies and meaning.

[kdpgrahi]

A good talented write-up. I love it, its intricacies and meaning.

[shoaib]

wow this is pure fire
amazing work
you have so much talent, keep writing the world needs to hear your verses

"you said
'i wonder if it will break'
and i said
'nah, i think they'll be ok'"

so awesome

[safeashouses]

Really like the lines, "the number of times I've cut open my own breast/just to play in someone's pillowset...and while we sleep in rented places/i swear someday, i will take you home (although I had first read it as "i will make you home". I think it could be powerful like that). I really like the last few lines, although I'm still trying to figure them out. Making me think!

[Rossen]

Peach, may I interest you in a cup of coffee, decaf maybe!
kicked my butt, love this one...

[Laura]

There are toxic undertones in your poem that are at times blatantly acidic...
Wonderful stuff!!

[Adam :P]

so much furry! it gets different in the last few lines. i like it all around good job