While it lasts

Haven't written in a long time, any feedback would really be appreciated!

I can't.

 

I keep repeating, "I can't do this," to myself,

hoping that eventually I will believe it.

But it only overlaps what I'm trying to forget.

Everything melts and blends together,

The hazy memories of when we were better.

Years ago, but really only weeks past,

Remembering it slipping away so fast.

 

Worn out and on the verge of collapse,

Eager to forget the summer grief.

I walked around tightly clasped,

Out of real hope and real belief.

I was afraid someone would actually see,

Every flaw I was trying to conceal.

 

You caught my eye and I felt a smile.

I couldn't give you a second thought.

I dismissed the signs for a while,

To avoid the inevitable of being caught.

You took me by surprise and I crumbled,

But you grabbed me, and made me whole.

 

That first date we were so nervous.

Giggling and wringing my hands,

I was terrified at the very idea of "us."

You made me so uncertain of my plans,

To stay alone, safely contained,

Knowing I could be hurt again.

 

The first time you really held me,

I can't remember exactly when,

Your arms were exactly what I'd needed.

To help remind me once again,

That it was okay to cry, to be afraid,

Only now I was unsure of what to say.

 

The first time you told me you loved me,

Blinking at you through tears and snot,

I allowed myself to be happy.

You kissed me without a second thought,

And I realized how truly lucky I was,

Shockingly, to be this in love.

 

That last goodbye was unbearably painful.

I wanted that moment endless and finished.

Holding your hand, I tried to be careful,

Knowing this could be my last glimpse.

I let go and walked away at last,

And realized our best moments were past.

 

Now, there is nothing that can be said or done.

Except I hope you know what you were.

You were so patient when this begun,

Holding my hand and coaxing me through.

Now I feel my hand grasping at empty air,

And I realize that you were my savior.

 

You saved me from hating what I saw.

Instead of wearing, tearing me apart,

You stitched me up and made me new.

You made me ready for our fresh start.

Thank you for investing that time.

Thank you for believing my worth.

 

I had believed that I was broken and worthless.

Through your gaze I felt more than perfect.

I think about you when I close my eyes.

Fighting against my hope for what's next,

I know that I should let you go.

It might be time for me to forget.

 

 

I can't.

Author's Note

Please comment!

Reviews

[Lorry]

Beautifully captured and elegantly stated, your words echo in the aches of all our past regrets and remind us that pain recedes and life does eventually go on. Also, you speak of the positives too, in the penultimate verse, which we should all try a little harder to do, we live/ we learn, allegedly.
Very well written piece, I really enjoyed the journey. thank you for sharing.