What A Lovely Liar You Are

Lila put her head in her hands. She couldn’t feel the cold or the rain. She just wanted to sit on the stone bench and rest. Sometimes, when she was little, she used to wish that she could be a statue, so she wouldn’t have to move or change. She’d be impervious to world around her, and nothing could hurt her. Safe and protected beneath a thick layer of stone skin. Mrs. Bradshaw softly placed a hand on her shoulder, and Lila jumped. 
“It’s time dear.” Mrs. Bradshaw’s voice creaked.
“Please.” Lila begged, grabbing a hold of Mrs. Bradshaw’s hooked hand. “Please, I just need a little more time.”
“Okay. But you just get today. I’ve made too many exceptions for you already.”
“Oh thank you. Thank you so much Mrs. Bradshaw. This is the last thing, I promise.” Lila got up and started walking away. Mrs. Bradshaw made no move to follow her, and sat down in Lila’s place. 
“Remember you have to be back by sundown!” She cawed.
Lila pushed open the gate and made her way down the hill. The road was windy and Lila had to stop several times to rest. “I don’t remember ever feeling this tired.” She thought. Each step was painful for her, as if the farther she moved away, the more it called out to her. She pressed on, knowing that the town was just beneath her, and she slowly got closer to it. She saw the snow still on the ground. What month was it? Was it January? December? She couldn’t remember anymore, it had been so long. Lately Lila had felt like she was losing touch with reality. When that happened, Lila had a little mantra she would repeat to herself. Which is what she did now. “My name is Lila Anderson. I am sixteen years old. I hate black olives. My first kiss was with Nick Worsten in 3rd grade. I have two younger twin brothers named Max and Sam, and my parents have been divorced since I was ten.” 
She breathed a sigh of relief. She could still remember who she was. She reached the bottom of the hill, and it was as if a dam had broken in her and she sprinted forward, full of energy. She was so excited to see Him again. Everything in town looked the same, it was as if nothing had changed, even though it had felt like years since she’d been here. She walked through downtown, ambling around the sidewalks and peering in shops. She stepped into the street and a truck zoomed past her, missing her by a hair’s breadth. 
“Hey watch it a*****e!” She yelled.
She shook her head when he made no response. People just had no manners anymore. She continued, knowing exactly where he’d be on a Friday afternoon. At least, she thought it was Friday. The days ran together to her now. But she stopped in front of the café and sure enough, he was sitting there in the window. She ducked into a second hand clothing store next door and hid behind a rack of jackets. She picked up a grey beanie and a pair of dark ray ban’s, and put them on. She needed a good disguise. She glanced at herself in the small mirror on the wall and smiled softly at her reflection. She looked ready for sleuthing. She looked around the store for any salespeople, and darted out when she didn’t see any. She went back over to the café, breathed deeply, braced herself, and walked inside. The little bell above the door jingled softly when she opened the door, but no one looked up. She sat down in a brown wicker chair in the corner and opened a menu, peering over it inconspicuously. He still hadn’t noticed her. He was sitting in the booth with them next to the window. He looked the same too. His dark brown hair still fell in his eyes when he laughed, and his eyes crinkled whenever he was thinking hard. His smile was wide, and he paused every once in awhile in the middle of his conversation to take a sip from a diet coke. She tried to wave the waiter over to her table so she could order something, but the stocky bald man ignored her and served the other customers instead. She kicked the chair in front of her in frustration. The old woman sitting in it didn’t even flinch. She just picked up her cup of tea and blew on the steam. Lila went back to watching Him, and strained to listen to their conversation. 
“I can’t wait for summer to start.” His friend Travis said. “I’m so sick of winter.”
“Yeah man, I know. I think I’ll feel better once school’s over.” He answered.
Travis turned to his girlfriend Emma, and Lila’s old best friend. “You still going to New York for the summer?” 
Emma nodded. “But it won’t be the same now. I wish one of you was going with me. I don’t want to be alone.”
Travis put his arm around her. “We know. We do, sweetie.”
He shook his head. “I can’t talk about this anymore.”
Travis touched His arm. “Dude. Don’t do this to yourself.”
Emma nodded. “Think about your family. Your friends. All the positive stuff in your life.”
He looked at His watch. “Guys we better get going. It’s going to start soon.”
Emma pouted. “I am not looking forward to this.”
“Me neither.” He said. He put a few dollar bills on the table and put on his black coat. Lila put her menu down and stood up slowly. She hid behind a busboy and followed them out the door. They started walking down the sidewalk. Emma was whispering in Travis’s ear, and He was just walking a little in front of them, alone. Lila followed them about 30 paces behind. She missed Him so much. They used to be so happy. She thought back to their last anniversary.

                                          ******

 Lila breathed in the cold December air and rocked back and forth on the swing set. She grabbed the chains, and dug the toes of her blue rain boots into the sand. 
“Hey beautiful!” He snuck up behind her and kissed the top of her head. 
She giggled and almost fell off the seat of the swing. 
“I love your laugh.” He smiled and pulled her up.
“Happy anniversary.” She kissed his cheek and handed him a small box wrapped in brightly colored paper. 
He sat down on the damp sand, not caring that he was getting sand on his jeans and his windbreaker. He ripped off the paper and set it on the ground behind him. He opened the box. 
“Oh my god Lila this is amazing!” He gasped. “Thank you so much baby, I love it.”
“I’m glad you love it.” She smiled softly.
He grinned mischeviously and yanked her down from the swing on top of him. She shrieked and he wrapped his arms around her. She sprang up and started running away from him. 
“Come on let’s go meet Travis and Emma!”
He started chasing after her. “Come back!” He laughed.

*******

Lila fought back tears. What had happened to them? She just couldn’t remember. They kept walking. Lila wondered where they could possibly be going. Usually on a Friday afternoon… Wait, was it Sunday? Or Saturday? She could feel it slipping away again, her grip on reality. She was about to do her mantra again when she realized it had to be Sunday, because suddenly they stopped in front of the church. Small and white, with a green roof and a little bell tower, it was usually a cheerful place, with fond memories. But today, it was different. A crowd of people stood outside, all milling about, as if waiting for something. Lila hid behind a tree while He went with Travis and Emma to join the crowd of people. That was the church she used to go to every Sunday for Sunday school. She used to eat oatmeal cookies and make God’s Eye’s with her neighbor’s kids. That’s where she first met Him, and where they’d had their first kiss after choir, behind the pulpit. 
Lilia saw her mom stand up at the front steps of the church and clear her throat. 
“Hello? Can I have everyone’s attention please!”
Everyone turned towards her. 
“I would like to thank everyone for coming! The service will start in just a moment if you could join us inside!”
Lila wanted to call out to her mom, to tell her how much she missed her. But something still held her back, she knew she couldn’t break the rules and make contact, even if she had no idea what the rules really where. She watched as everyone filed into the church. She walked up the steps after them, and wanted to follow them into the church, but she couldn’t. She could only watch from the doorway, a quiet shadow, while the service began. 
“Dearly beloved, we are all gathered here today to remember. To remember life, friendship, love, and, of course, death.” Father Willard began. His comb-over consisted of 5 individual strands of hair plastered to his head with grease. He still had that caterpillar moustache crawling above his lip. He always yelled at Lila for talking during scripture at Sunday school. Lila would always apologize, and then go back to talking five seconds later. But even after all the times he’d scolded her, Lila found she missed Father Willard too. She missed all of them.
“Even though she passed tragically soon, we can fondly remember her. She will live on in our hearts as we remember our dear, young, happy, Lila Anderson.” Father Willard continued.
Lila gasped. She remembered now.

********

She ran past the sandbox onto the grass. She paused, and shrieked happily as she saw Him catch up to her.
“I’m going to get you!” He yelled, his breath fogging in the chilly air.
She started running again as he chased after her. “Oh come on wait up!” He pleaded.
She shook her head again. “Come on! They’re waiting for us by the ravine.”
She reached the sidewalk, and looked over her shoulder. She saw Him only a few feet away, almost caught up to her. His face was bright pink from the cold. His jeans were still sandy from the swing set, and there was a leaf in His hair. She felt a rush of love for her dopey, adorable boyfriend. He made her happy just to keep living. He was barely a few inches away from her when she turned around, and bolted across the street. 
Lila never felt the impact, but she felt the pain afterwards. It pierced right through her and she wanted to scream, but she couldn’t. Or could she? Everything around her was slow and blurry, as if her whole world was underwater. She saw the car. The driver. And Him. She looked at Him. His mouth moved, as if He was trying to talk to her, but she couldn’t hear. She wanted to tell him she couldn’t hear, and that He should save his breath, and stop trying to talk to her. She tried to speak, but couldn’t find her mouth. She couldn’t remember if she’d had a mouth. The world got darker, and she struggled to focus on the light, to focus on Him. Her mind was no longer attached to her body. Her body was a clunky and clumsy unnatural thing. It had always been a source of anxiety to her, and her desire for it to look perfect was gone. She was finally free from its weight. He was crying now. Why was he crying? She wished suddenly that she had her body back so she could reach out to him. But it was too late for that. Suddenly she was aware of flashing lights, of more people surrounding her. She wanted them to go away, so she could keep looking at Him, but she couldn’t see Him anymore, because the crowd engulfed him. More people’s faces swarmed in front of her, their lips moving fast, and she could feel herself slipping. The world got dark again. 

*********

She remembered the car and she remembered the pain. She remembered finding herself at the cemetery up the hill, not knowing what had happened to her. That’s when she’d met Mrs. Bradshaw. Mrs. Bradshaw was supposed to take her away, it had been Mrs. Bradshaw’s job for years to be the new ones' escort. Lila fought a lump in her throat. She watched as her parents, her little brothers, and her friends get up one by one to the podium. She heard their glowing eulogies, and she felt nothing. She wanted Him to go up and say something about her. One final message before she had to go back to Mrs. Bradshaw and leave forever. He never did though. The service finally ended, and one by one everyone left the church. Her parents had already buried her body in the cemetery a few days ago. Today was just the memorial service. He left too, and she followed Him. How could He have nothing to say to her? She hated Him. She had loved Him, and He didn't give a s**t about her. She wondered if she could show Him how angry she was, like those haunting ghosts she’d seen in scary movies, like a poltergeist. That would really mess with His head, if she started haunting Him. She had thought for so long, that He had actually loved her. Had that been a lie? He hadn’t even seemed sad during the service, hadn’t even shed a tear. He went into the woods behind the church, she followed Him still, wondering where he was going. He slunk down to the ground underneath a tall Birch tree and put His head in His hands. He didn’t move for a solid five minutes, and Lila wished she could just hit Him. Suddenly, she noticed small trickles of water dripping through the cracks in between His fingertips. He lifted his head from his hands. A steady stream of tears flowed from both of His eyes. Her anger instantly melted away. 
He spoke, his voice cracking slightly. “Oh God. “ He kept blubbering on and on.
“My fault. All my fault.” He ripped a handful of grass and threw it in the air, almost hitting Lila. 
“S**t. If I hadn’t chased her, if I hadn’t"“ His voice broke off, and he punched himself in the leg. 
“I miss you Lila. More than you know. I wish I could just see you again, even if only for a moment.”
Lila’s heart ached. He did love her after all. She wished he could see her too. She reached out, tentatively, and placed a hand on His shoulder. He didn’t notice. She knelt down next to him on the damp grass. 
“I wish you could hear me.” Lila sighed. “It’s not your fault, it was no one’s fault. Not yours, not the truck driver’s, and not mine.” She laughed sadly. “I know how much you hate cliché’s, but like most people say, it was just an act of fate.”
“I can’t believe you’re really gone. It feels like you’re still here. God I sound like a cliche.” He chuckled wistfully.
“I shouldn’t be here. But I had to see you again.”
“I love you Lila.” He reached inside His shirt and pulled out dog tags on a chain. “I still have it. It was the last thing you ever gave me. I had it engraved with our names and the day of your death.”
Lila could feel her time running out; the sun was about to set. She stood up. “I love you too, Charlie.” She kissed his forehead softly. “I’m glad I got to see you again. Happy anniversary.” She forced herself to turn around and walk away. She heard him continue to talk to her as if she was still there, but she knew she couldn't keep listening. The pain was still there. It had dulled after the accident, but now it felt just as sharp and wrenching as it had that night. Like her chest was being ripped apart. She wanted it to stop so badly. She could feel time slipping away again, she could feel her grip on reality becoming looser. She smiled softly. She knew how she could make the pain go away. This time, she wouldn't say her mantra. She continued on toward the cemetery, but her thoughts, memories, her musings and everything that made her who she was faded into wisps of smoke. She became a walking empty shell. There was no more pain, and no heartbreak. 

Very few can be that lucky.

Reviews

[The Cute 1]

aweee this is soooo good