Fatal Text

A silly nursery rhyme that came to me this morning.

Fatal Text

 

Humphrey liked to text and tweet;

He did it everywhere.

He texted walking down the street,

And in his easy chair.

 

He texted on his way to work;

He tweeted all the way.

He didn't see the other car,

And typed his last that day.

Author's Note

Initial reactions and constructive criticism welcome.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I like the sing-song aspect of your word-crafting, which contrasts nicely with the content of your ending twist. Reminds me of some game people were doing awhile back & going thru traffic without paying attention, causing a stir becuz of the dangers. Since I've never had a cellphone, I only know of this lifestyle tangentially! *smile* Fondly, Margie

[Debbie Barry]

Thanks, Margie! I'm delighted that you enjoyed it. I'd forgotten that Pokemon-themed game, but yes, that was dangerous, too. It's texting and tweeting while walking and driving that annoy and worry me. I have a cell phone, but I can't seriously think of using it in those situations.

I'm glad you enjoyed tthe technical points, and I appreciate your comments. The meter of it is meant to be a nursery rhyme, but many of those were rather dark, too.

(((hugs)))

[BlackPrince]

Right there, through economical and simple, yet significant words, you have perfectly expressed a phenomenon gripping our society today like an epidemy: the total dependency on and careless use of technology.

I express sincere words of condolence to anybody who may have lost a loved one through a similar experience.

Some poems just sum up grandiose perspectives, and that is what you have done here.

WELL DONE!!!

[Debbie Barry]

Thanks, BlakPrince! I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it, and I appreciate your comments. I'm fortunate not to have lost anyone to such an event, and my sympathy goes out to those who have.

[Diane]

funny till the end. I pictured Humphrey as a little round bald man. haha

[Debbie Barry]

Thanks, Diane! I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it. Yes, the end makes it dark humor, but it's meant to be.

[emmajoy]

OHHHHH that is just plain wicked!!! Here was i comfy in bed, thinking what fine meter you're using and imagining a smile at the fourth line.. and, instead i'm hit bang on by your skill!!! Clever you, fine meter.. and more.

[Debbie Barry]

Thanks, Emmajoy! I'm sorry for the surprise, but I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it! I appreciate the kind words. (((hugs)))

[emmajoy]

Don't apologise, i've a warped sense of humour.. and loved your clever twist!

[Debbie Barry]

Okay, that's awesome. I really am very glad you enjoyed it.

[Nigel Newman]

The number of people who are convinced they can safely browse and text from their phone whilst driving is very scary. If it wasn't for the fact that he belatedly realised it, Humphrey should get a life! The person on the other end of whatever gem he had to offer would either have been happy to wait a few minutes, or if not then he/she isn't worth a lot of attention anyway. I like your humorous almost limerick style to call out a deadly and sad habit. One grammar/typo is the 'likes' in the 1st line, whereas everything else in the piece is past tense.

Nice work!

[Debbie Barry]

Thanks, Nigel! I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it. Thanks for the typo catch; I fixed it.
read moreThanks, Nigel! I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it. Thanks for the typo catch; I fixed it.

I agree with your comments about texting while driving, and about the recipient of the messages. I'm regularly bothered, to say the least, by stories of people who have this habit.

[Karen Redburn]

Oh my, a humorous spin on such a dangerous subject. That's what I'm talking about! Fantastic poem Debbie, loved it!! I am not in anyway making light of the issue, but sometimes you just have to shake your head when you see what's going on out there on the streets... sigh

[Debbie Barry]

Thanks, Karen! I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it. As I said to Samuel, it's dark humor, to be sure. Sometimes, as you say, I just have to shake my head at the things I see and hear in society.

[Samuel Dickens]

It can certainly happen. It has happened many times, I'm sure. Initially, I smiled, thinking of it in a cartoonish sort of way. It's very serious, of course.

[Debbie Barry]

Thanks, Samuel. I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it. It's dark humor, to be sure, and the reality of such things is tragic.