Love and Betrayal

Love and Betrayal

A Poem by JohnTheSavage

Your smile kills the darkness in my heart
Hours near you seem like fleeting moments
But fate is cruel and we must be apart
Betraying a friend has no atonements

It was only one night spent together
Walking elated far above the clouds
Around you I'm floating like a feather
Then reality drapes me in black shrouds

Should I follow the siren calls of love?
Should I steal you from the arms of a friend?
To be as hated as rats in a pub
Breaking something that I may never mend

If I give in and confess all that is true, 
Will you love me the way that I love you?

© 2011 JohnTheSavage


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Featured Review

It does get the emotion across perfectly. I enjoyed this piece because of the emotion and the truth that in life you cannot help who you love and that love can be a risk. The best outcomes, sometimes, are the ones that develop in time. and sometimes waiting just might spark that time. If that makes any sense...See your poem flared that forbidden yet needful emotion!

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I think it is good, But if you keep working on it, it could be GREAT. Try to get rid of the more "cliche" lines...like the last two for sure, and some of the others lines.

but I like some of them a lot such as " the reality drapes me in black shrouds"
try to mix it up.

Hope this wasnt harsh.

however, the emotion and point is well felt, but could be more effective.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

!! This captured me! I love how candid, yet beautiful and flowing it is...fantastic piece! I love the first stanza, it really pulled me in :) the last stanza is beautifully written...simple, but expressive. and to answer your question, YES :)

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

slapping piece that grabs the reader by the neck and tells them to feel the emotion at hand, well written, a great read.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

It does get the emotion across perfectly. I enjoyed this piece because of the emotion and the truth that in life you cannot help who you love and that love can be a risk. The best outcomes, sometimes, are the ones that develop in time. and sometimes waiting just might spark that time. If that makes any sense...See your poem flared that forbidden yet needful emotion!

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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4701 Views
5 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on May 16, 2011
Last Updated on June 10, 2011
Tags: Love, Betrayal, Sonnet, Conflicted, Decision

Author

JohnTheSavage
JohnTheSavage

Chicago, IL



About
I want to be an artist, but I'm not much of a painter, or musician, or anything else of the sort. The only way I can see myself ever affecting people emotionally or entertaining them with my creativit.. more..

Writing
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A Poem by JohnTheSavage