Black Widow

Beware the creature with withered heart,

her dangerous game ripping souls apart.

The quest for truth so well she feigns,

but you will see, it's all in vein.

 

Her heart is bitter within her breast;

to shatter lives, her abounding quest.

Patience and love is her guise:

she'll taunt him with her braided lies.

 

Upon his innocence she doth prey,

for vengeance sake alone she slays.

She feeds on misery and pain,

and looks upon him with disdain.

 

She lures him with her false facade,

because her love for him is fraud;

enticing him to the web she weaves -

the one she thinks no one can see.

 

With pounding heart, though sensing fear,

to the Black Widow he warily veers.

Deceived is he by poisoned charms,

he'll find, too late, she means him harm.

 

And though he knows they've met before,

he's unaware she settles a score.

For with her gift of Nepenthe,

she's clouded his past memory!

 

Though she thinks she's fooled them all,

with her skill and cunning gall,

her false facade, she's not aware,

transparent as the cool night air.

Reviews

[OT]

oooo nice!!! and dark - also the couplets fit in here perfectly in my opinion - plays upon the sing song rhyme of them to make it more haunting!! I like the twist at the end too!!

[.]

great poem the rhyme and meter is spot on..

[Crowley]

It should be that easy for all women I think. Maybe it is...lol, just kidding. This was very, very cool, great rhyming and wonderful writing. Is this an autobiography?

[Creepy Swine Guy]

I like this poem very much. I would also reconsider the first lines of the four stanzas before that last stanza. They feel too long and break the rhythm of what otherwise is a well executed poem. Rhyming poems have to hold their rhythm while they are rhyming and up to those stanzas this was doing a fine job.

[Matthew Kult]

Great imagery. I like the twist, but I would also like to know what it is....I am in suspense, course I could have completely missed something. Great read.

With Love,

Jaidyn

[Coyote Poetry]

The danger and temptation of the beauty of a Widow temp many with a ill ending. I like this poem. The movement of the story was very good. Your description of the Widow is amazing in your words. I like spiders. Always can create a good story.
Coyote

[mcg03002]

Great job on this poem. It's so dark and sinister! A bit of a twist on the old "woman scorned."
The only thing I would consider changing is in the third line of the second stanza. Patient and loving are both adjectives (well, I suppose loving could be a gerund or progressive verb form). If you are going to say "is her guise," it feels like those words shold be nouns. "Patience and love are but a guise" or something like that. "Patience and love her apt disguise"

I don't know, that's a real trivial thing, and certainly grammar takes a back seat to artistic license. It flows extremely well the way it is... Your stuff captures my attention and leaves me feeling emotional. Thanks for sharing it.

[Morgan Sade]

Beautiful rhyme and cadence. I like it. I like it a lot. In fact, I think I love it. One of those poems that you can almost imagine. I can think of a character or two of mine that this would fit perfectly...I wasn't going to read it actually, but the first line of it caught my eye and I just had to. Well worth it. Great job.

[N.E.T.]

This is almost wicked! I love it. You are quite good with rythm, this again has nice timing and flow. This piece also shows a great use of words. The malice is very well expressed. Great write!

[Mithridate]

it does have nice rhythm. it sounded very good! ....I love it :)