Corns'field

If it is night that the singing of crickets

take their leap of song, bright as peaches, low hung

and blanched with sunlight. We are in need,

us tall folk, flung like Bronx throw rugs

over the railings of high rises. Women smiling

in their back tied dresses; their mauve hats with

long pins to keep the feathers

tight above the gale. So

we pass in old Fords

with the windows cranked two inches above our deaths.

Our bare feet on metal runners

with glowing flies stuck to the front grill

and the AM radio beginning to burst.

We see thru the corns'field

the distant slaves behind them thru the breaks.

Pinetop Perkins clamoring at their teeth

as the song of every man rambles:

see'th the rhythm of great pain

otherwise as toil.

Reviews

[Ivory]

Lovely piece. Very descriptive. I felt like I was transported to the place you so perfectly described.

[KCthelastboyscout]

Amazing imagery.this is an exceptional poem to read.well done!!

[h d e rushin]

thank you beloved for those kind remarks./ dana

[emmajoy]

There's something special about a man who wears history around his heart.. then, lets it stream into truth, every emotion in places distant yet always near because they existed. Damned weeds, the off white cotton stained by blood and their reflection. You know and understand language, be it base or floral, rough or silky fine. Incredible how in certain areas, at certain times the past bounces back and creates a hell on earth, isn't it. Ok, sorry. Gone into eulogy mode that grows too much.. not intended.. not at all.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

things change and yet they stay the same...
bringing in the old, the past, the slaves...and yet, those who are slaves to poverty, violence...every man is every man, no matter the generation or color...
and the Bronx...the throw rungs on the overhangs...i remember those from my days in the Bronx...seems like another life.
you make pictures with your words---but you put us into the pictures...that is a talent.
j.

[h d e rushin]

thank you my dear friend for those comments...and yes, you're the only person around here with those Bronx roots..dana

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and those roots are pretty silver now----:)

[BlackPrince]

This is a beautifully written poem.

'If it is night that the singing of crickets
take their leap of song, bright as peaches, low hung and blanched with sunlight.'

The above are words you wonderfully put together in such a poetic way.

I must admit that grammatically, in those words quoted above, the sentence is what is called an introductory clause; it seems incomplete in tone before you put a full stop.
if you didn't put 'if' at the beginning, it would have been a complete sentence on its own and the full stop would be correct at the end of 'sunlight':

'It is night that the singing of crickets
take their leap of song, bright as peaches, low hung and blanched with sunlight. (full stop)

Yet, notice carefully, if you added 'if' it's as though you still had to add something more to say after 'sunlight'
(Therefore, since there is an 'if', a comma (,) is needed after sunlight.

But, of course if you have your reasons then that's fine.

As writers we're here to read, appreciate and get inspired from each other.
Yet we can, with good intentions, point out errors to help each other grow as poets and writers, knowing that we have thousands of people reading, learning and examining our words.
It's only right that we present a good finished product.

WELL DONE!!

[h d e rushin]

thank you my friend for those comments... I am in need of every grammatical correction that I can get...lol. And this is much appreciated...I use to write every poem out in shorthand in my journal, which I know Is old fashioned, but it made me recite it prior to submitting it. Today, with the magic of Microsoft office....I write it out, then transpose it to the virtual copy.........it is just one example where the old ways of poetry writing were better....or at least, functionally better...Thanks again for those kind remarks....dana

[BlackPrince]

I think writing poems in your journal is a very good thing indeed. I still prefer to write with pen and paper before I type the complete finished poem on computer. Writing with paper and pen, which is the natural way, is good for the creative process and the brain's imagination. We need to make use of technology as a complementary element rather than fully relying on computers for everything.

[BlackPrince]

Oh yeah!! I'm not sure whether you do this already, but I would advise you to always date your poems, as a personal reference and tracking of progress in your growth as a poet, writer. I always date all my poems with the day and year.
I'd like to think that I'm leaving a legacy to my future seeds through my poems. Because I'd like my future seeds to one day say, "This is daddy's poetry portfolio, dated on such and such day and year.."
Just like musicians, our poems are our legacy we can leave behind, and dating them is very important.

[h d e rushin]

I've never really thought of doing any dating of my poems.. But I do understand "dating" as a continuum as a gage of progress. But I am going back to the old way of writing it out in a journal. I makes for a more personal writing experience anyways......thanks brother. dana

[Delmar Cooper]

You think you are right here, but when you think about it you are everywhere you have ever been, and everywhere your people ever were.

[h d e rushin]

so true my friend Delmar..Poetry as a means of transport.....I do understand. since history is more probable than possible.....Great thoughts my friend...dana

[Delmar Cooper]

"history is more probable than possible...." And more portable too.

[Einstein Noodle]

this is so very good in my opinion hd ... i absolutely love the time frame of it and the feel of not only the Bronx all five boroughs in their own rights .. before i got to your referencing "slaves" there is a distinct Black voice ... tho we can all be slaves to one thing or another ..especially our jobs ... a whole lot of tings that impress my conjured images .. old Fords ... Bronx throw rugs hung etc. .. windows cracked ..bare feet on metal ... and the crickets..my goodness how wonderfully you have brought them out of the night..bright as peaches ...i guess i think every line is masterful .. i think this is one to be published more widely ... a keeper for sure says i ..love love love your voice ma'am
E.

[h d e rushin]

you're my hero. And by hero I mean that you see the victory before the battle is won. Perhaps you drove an old Ford on a country road...we all seem to driven here by a common experience....whether it was hurt, or comfort, great patience or the need to be heard. Thank you for those kind words my friend...dana

[Einstein Noodle]

you are so welcome..thank you for sharing your mwahvelous poetry! see ya 'round!

[wordman]

interesting write my friend,like the mention of flies in the grill

[h d e rushin]

I think, wordman, like I that the ride on that country road gave to us a different insight. like wanting to grab at something flying as we drove our cars fast....Thank you for those beautiful words my friend....dana

[wordman]

my pleasure