soldier

Twas 

not the me you passed last night

it was the he you thought I was

the one the teacher tapped and said

he will rise to king because

his walking is a proud assault. A jaunt

so lovely you'de agree that he

nor you or she, not leaf or gale

could stand in judgement adequately

could place his tongue on frozen pole

could be the mouthpiece of the judged

to indict the wrongful claiming soul

to pry the pettifoggers urge

to clean his sixteen in the dark.

to wait in ravaged wasteful sloth

in heavy flak and metal storm

with leaden hearts and plumbeous ark

Twas me you passed in rumpled flag

in torn lamella honor lost

who ate the garbage of the rich

who fought the wars with noble cost

who lost their medals years ago

who couldn't even tell you that

the ships that carried them aloft

drug back the souls of patriots.

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

had to read more than several times ..wanted to read it more than several times ..i love your satirical sarcastic social voice h d ... and your language use never disappoints ... the grip of social and personal indictment is grievous ... the soldier going forth with cheers and glory bound come home scarred and many times broken ... V2 L3 i think you mean "not" instead of "nor" ;) i could not find what " ...his sixteen" refers to ..thinking it may be slang but my impression is that it is a weapon ... your closing verse is powerful ...i feel the weight of soldiers returning ..war never is a glorious thing ...nor is it "just" ...at best it is fighting back against an entity that wants to take from another entity using violent means ... sadly its necessary to teach our children that sometimes one simply must fight back :(
so glad i read this one!
E.

[h d e rushin]

I was writing about my father, God bless him, who drank himself to death a few years ago but before he did, was proud of his duty and wore it like a badge of patriotism. The army of today is all volunteer yet still the soldier comes home broken and sometimes addicted . Rarely do I try to rhyme since it comes off sounding like a nursery rhyme....lol....(twas) And I promise not to ever do it again...….lol....thanks for your insight my friend and have a happy holiday season.....dana

[Einstein Noodle]

I'm sorry for your loss Dana ... tho the years since are starting to roll by ... i am grateful for your empathy to our soldiers ... like your dad i was under the draft laws ..but enlisted in the Navy to avoid the Army ... nothing noble about my enlistment ;) Viet Nam Vets never received the public support upon their arrival home ... even more the tragedy than even the war ... most would do it again ... sounds like your memories hold some shining things about your father as well as his addiction and death ... again... i am sorry for your loss ... seems it can be more intense at holidays and other special occasions :(

[Einstein Noodle]

ps. I have the same inclination away from rhyme as you ;} but it can be useful sometimes :)

[Chryiss]

I loved the rhythmic quality of this poem and the way that it ended in particular. You have such unique and captivating phrasing, especially in the use of verbs. "drug back the souls of patriots"... just marvelous. I also didn't notice until afterwards while looking over it again, that the sentences were split between stanzas. This split can be very tricky to make it flow and not feel disconnected, but this had great fluidity.

[h d e rushin]

thank you so much Chryiss for those kind remarks my friend....have a safe holiday season....dana

[Chryiss]

You're welcome, and thank you, the same to you! :)