Wit & Wisdom - August 5th 2013

W&W August 5th 2013     Want to read this in a different language ? Change the TO field to your own country and click the TRANSLATE button after going HERE 01. By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you blocked and deleted. You may now kiss my a*s ! 02. F.E.A.R. Forget Everything And Run ! 03. At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog he's adopted ? 04. I would tell you to go to hell but considering I work there, I see you enough in my life as it is. 05. If you take relationship advice from Taco Bell's hot-sauce packets, congratulations you have truly reached the bottom of your love-life. 06. 'Do not touch.' to me has always meant go ahead - when no-one is looking that is. 07. My therapist says I have a problem with revenge. Well we'll just have to see about that ... 08. A good laugh and a long and restful sleep are the best medicine any doctor can prescribe. 09. If women ruled the world, there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries never talking to each other. 10. C.L.A.S.S. Come Late And Start Sleeping. 11. Little word of advice. When a policeman pulls you over and asks, "You drinking ?" don't respond with, "You buying ?" 12. I don't care how many warnings I get. When I get depressed I'm gonna eat raw cookie dough. 13. I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a grinning chubby toddler coming at me with a sharp weapon. 14. I like sleeping. It's like death without the long-term commitment plan. 15. When everything is coming your way, clearly you are in the wrong lane. 16. First rule of math. If it seems easy you're doing it wrong. 17. I'd explain what we're doing here but I see you didn't bring your crayons. 18. If Google can't find the answer, then it's clearly not a question. 19. I couldn't repair your brakes so I just made your horn louder. 20. Relationships would be so much simpler if we were all born with a, "Clear History" button. 21. I shouldn't have driven home from that bar last night. Especially considering I walked there. 22. I feel as ignored as a white crayon, the first piece of bread, Internet Explorer Security Options, the terms of agreement for any software, and the 18 yrs+ warning for the best websites. 23. Listen, I'm not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings. I'm a drunk - we go to great parties. 24. Best revenge against bullies ? Finish school, graduate, be better, smarter, and richer than they are. Then later add them as friends in Facebook. 25. Substitute teacher, "So does your regular teacher allow this ?" Student (after long pause), "Yeaaaah ..." 26. Why do they rate a movie R for "Adult Language ?" The only people I HEAR using that kind of language are teenagers. 27. I'm not shy, I'm just holding back my awesomeness so I don't scare you. 28. The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer someone else up. 29. If you can't afford to take your kids to the zoo, just go to Wal-Mart, cheaper and more entertaining. 30. If you trip over your bra in the dark, could that ever be called a Booby Trap ? 31. I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't seem to get my wife to go swimming with me. 32. Don't bother putting your hand over my mouth to keep me quiet either, I swear I'll lick it ! 33. Intelligence is a lot like underwear, it's important to own, but you don't have to show it to everyone to prove a point. 34. *Taking a test* Q: If you disagree with the following statement, please explain why. A: TRUE. 35. I don't stalk people, I investigate them. 36. When your dreams turn to dust, it's time to vacuum. 37. If at first you don't succeed, retrieve the instructions from the trash where you tossed them in the first place. 38. I always thought by 2013 we would have flying cars. Instead, we have blankets with sleeves. 39. The Golden Rule Of Success in work is to laugh - at =ALL= the boss's jokes. 40. Exams never test what you know. They just see how good your studying abilities are. 41. My friends are getting married. I'm getting drunk. I think we know who the real winner is here. 42. Be nice to your kids, for it is them that will choose your nursing home. 43. Weekend advice: It's only illegal if you get caught. 44. A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. 45. I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to. 46. If you're on the treadmill next to me, the answer is yes ... we are definitely racing. 47. Don't ever break a girl's heart, because she'll probably write a bestselling book or album about how badly you treated her. 48. In school if you take too long in the bathroom, everyone thinks you fell in. 49. PRINGLES: The only chip company in the world that doesn't actually sell factory air. 50. Faithful girls cry the most. (Rose wants to adds to this saying it's cause they are miserable !) Which of these can you relate to ? See you next week with 50 more ! Return back HOME   You are Earth Visitor #

Reviews

[Wall of Words]

I was ROFLing by the time I got to 15. LOL. Amazing. Cannot wait for the next 50! Send me an RR.

Which do I think most applies to me? Probably...37. haha. I always try to do things without reading the instructions. Then if it doesn't work (a couple times) then I'll think about reading part of the instructions. :P

Thank you for sharing!
Sylvia.

[dw817]

You've very welcome !

It's interesting you mention 37, that is definitely one that I seem to take for granted. I will download a program, completely skip over the instructions on it, and -hours- later, I finally growl and have to go and read them to see how to use it.

I know when I was learning to program and write my own original code years ago, I learned just the basics and then tossed away the instructions. I wonder how much better of a programmer I would be today if I had taken to learn the right way. :7

Thanks for commenting !

[The dark story]

@ 47:ROFL.

i can relate to that 16 one. i know when i just leave a question saying it;s just too easy for me to do it. but i actually feel highly irksome when my sis asks me to do it and i CAN'T. and it's ANNOYING.

[dw817]

Math can be a little complex. But having written a formulaic parser in the past, I can tell you, the easiest way to handle it is to work on the inner parentheses ( ) first, then work your way outward.

For instance:
2 * (8 + (3 * 2) ) would be 2 * (8 + 6) and then it's simply 2 * 14 which of course is 28.

Hope This Helps !

[The dark story]

:facepalm. man...i'm in inter college. you're telling me about that BODMAS thing which i've read in class 4 and of of course it's still in use. and by the way, when we move ahead, maths loses most of it's digit and alphabets start coming in our books.

[dw817]

Well, do you know how to program ? If you do, math should really be pretty simple as the alphabet you are referring to can also be juxtaposed with variables. Making it simpler. Umm - it's been a few years since I tutored programming back in college.

[The dark story]

lol :facepalm. maths is, i mean i love maths and i can't even measure how my time fleets solving its sum. though the only time when i hate it when i read the question wrong. i was so distressed when i read an eight marks compulsory question wrong in my board exam. it becomes more interesting when my answer doesn't come, 'cause it becomes challenging.
and programming. well i know JAVA programming. and i love this one as well XD

[The dark story]

oh mine....why is there such a big notice when i posted my comment. have i done anything wrong.

[dw817]

Don't think so. I think WC complains if a comment is too short. I rarely have this problem as I've always been wordsworthy. *Grin* If you know Java programming, then you should be able to work with variables, right ?

[The dark story]

why on earth i am having this feeling that you're going to give me a tough question. that grin is making me uneasy.

[dw817]

I'm - not sure. I don't know enough about Java to do ask you a question. There's an excellent chance you know more than me in that area. :3

[The dark story]

Ha!!thank goodness.!!! but I am not going to do that.

[dw817]

Math is integral to computers, though, so I wouldn't dismiss or displace it completely. There are many a time I've had to rely on what I've learned in school to write particularly complex programs. :)

[Pryde Foltz]

Very funny. Thanks for the giggles.

[dw817]

Well now some of them are supposed to be serious like, "The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer someone else up."

I've taken that one to heart and whenever I'm depressed, I call up a friend and see what their problem is, and try to solve it, which makes me feel better about myself.

[Ellie EM]

Number 10 and 25 is totally me! xD

[dw817]

I have to agree with 10. I remember many a time I would arrive to class and I was just so dog-tired from staying up late the night before I would crash in class. 25 however, we usually had pretty smart substitute teachers so they wouldn't fall for that.

Thanks for commenting ! :D

[Ellie EM]

Lol I fall asleep cuz school makes me tired and usual the substitute teachers would SOMETIMES fall for our trick. xD

[dw817]

I can understand that. Most substitute teachers that I had were definitely, what's the word I want, more TIMID than the main teacher. Of course the ones who taught class regularly were always familiar with the classes tricks.

A substitute ? I remember back in High School someone actually stood up and yelled, "Fresh meat !" I gave them a look like Geez ! :D

[Ellie EM]

Lol dat funny. xD although, I'm going to be real scared by the time I get into high school...

[dw817]

High School is a lot different than Middle School. I guess I have to ask, are you being bullied in Middle currently ?

[Ellie EM]

Uhhh no, not really. I just have really bad grades... :/

[dw817]

Well it gets harder the higher the grades. Have you considered working in a study group ? While I don't think I got along with anyone back in school, you might favor better ?

[Ellie EM]

Well I guess I could ask my friends...

[Mark]

haha I love # 9 and #38! Great sayings. :)

[dw817]

Actually I don't know what would happen if women ruled the world. I think it's possible we may have greater order, peace, and Teddy Bears for every citizen paid for through taxes. That's what I think.

As for blankets with sleeves, I'm surprised you are familiar with that crazy thing ! The SNUGGIE !
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleeved_blanket

[Mark]

Isn't everybody? I thought about getting one for the winter... would be great in the truck.

[dw817]

Or take a blanket with a jigsaw and coffee lids to mark the circles for the arms. *Grin* No - it would prolly would be better to buy one. :)

[Mark]

hahaha.. ya I am no good at doing stuff like that.

[MandaBear]

I enjoyed reading these of them made me laugh really hard lol

[dw817]

Glad you like them. :7 Which ones do you think apply to you ?

[Joyrider]

Lol, enjoyed it. Waiting for the next instalment.

[dw817]

Thanks, Shiggy. If you'll click above reviews to the LEFT you'll see this is indeed a weekly installment and you can view the ones I've written every Monday as this is what I post every first day of the week. :)

[MandaBear]

I believe all of these apply to me at some point in my life lol =

01. By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you blocked and deleted. You may now kiss my a*s !

02. F.E.A.R. Forget Everything And Run !

04. I would tell you to go to hell but considering I work there, I see you enough in my life as it is.

05. If you take relationship advice from Taco Bell's hot-sauce packets, congratulations you have truly reached the bottom of your love-life.

06. 'Do not touch.' to me has always meant go ahead - when no-one is looking that is.


08. A good laugh and a long and restful sleep are the best medicine any doctor can prescribe.

09. If women ruled the world, there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries never talking to each other.

13. I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a grinning chubby toddler coming at me with a sharp weapon.

14. I like sleeping. It's like death without the long-term commitment plan.


16. First rule of math. If it seems easy you're doing it wrong.

17. I'd explain what we're doing here but I see you didn't bring your crayons.

18. If Google can't find the answer, then it's clearly not a question.

20. Relationships would be so much simpler if we were all born with a, "Clear History" button.

24. Best revenge against bullies ? Finish school, graduate, be better, smarter, and richer than they are. Then later add them as friends in Facebook.

26. Why do they rate a movie R for "Adult Language ?" The only people I HEAR using that kind of language are teenagers.

27. I'm not shy, I'm just holding back my awesomeness so I don't scare you.

28. The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer someone else up.

29. If you can't afford to take your kids to the zoo, just go to Wal-Mart, cheaper and more entertaining.

30. If you trip over your bra in the dark, could that ever be called a Booby Trap ?


32. Don't bother putting your hand over my mouth to keep me quiet either, I swear I'll lick it !

33. Intelligence is a lot like underwear, it's important to own, but you don't have to show it to everyone to prove a point.

36. When your dreams turn to dust, it's time to vacuum.

37. If at first you don't succeed, retrieve the instructions from the trash where you tossed them in the first place.


41. My friends are getting married. I'm getting drunk. I think we know who the real winner is here.

42. Be nice to your kids, for it is them that will choose your nursing home.

43. Weekend advice: It's only illegal if you get caught.

44. A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.

45. I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to.

46. If you're on the treadmill next to me, the answer is yes ... we are definitely racing.

47. Don't ever break a girl's heart, because she'll probably write a bestselling book or album about how badly you treated her.

49. PRINGLES: The only chip company in the world that doesn't actually sell factory air.

50. Faithful girls cry the most. (Rose wants to adds to this saying it's cause they are miserable !)

[dw817]

OK, you listed 'em, now tell me about all of 'em. :7