CHAPTER 28 - PECKING ORDER
* * *
This chapter is Rated: TEEN
It then
occurred to me that maybe Smithers, the chauffeur who
drove us to this restaurant, didn't actually see what
Trica did but he was giving me a look cause me and her
were arguing for just a moment ?
Unable to contain his amusement any more though he
laughed but quickly turned it into a cough. I glowered
at him and he took a napkin to wipe his face.
Fortunately our waitress, Judy, returned with the
coffees we requested. Not even giving the other
customers a chance to glare at us she quickly freeshd
shut the blinds again, as we were in a reserved part
of the eating establishment.
"Right !" she said with a grin, "Do you know what
you'll have ?"
"How about a juicy hamburger ?" I asked Judy with a
wide smile.
But then Tricia spoke as if I were asking for her
permission first, "Oh, is that what you want, David ?
I suppose you can, this time, but maybe =WE'LL= have
healthier, more FIT meals in the future ?"
I gave her an odd look and she smiled sweetly at me. I
looked in my lap. I knew it. Even outside work Nancy
was still condescending. And I was going to marry her
? Where would that wind up ? And didn't I need to sign
- something - to that effect ? Maybe there was still
time to cancel it and get back to my regular
unsupervised life.
"Tricia, I - " I began to ask her about the paperwork
regarding the money, but she interrupted me.
"No, David. NO milkshake, understand ?"
I tilted my head. What ? "No - I wasn't going to ask
about - "
"No - milkshake. I can't be any more clear." she
asserted. "You've got your coffee, you don't need a
dessert with your meal, now do you, honey ?" She
sweetened her voice on the last word.
"No milkshake." Judy echoed in a careful voice, and
drew a small X on her paper with her pen.
This was ridiculous ! I didn't even say that and I
knew Judy was just drawing an X out in the middle of
nowhere to make it look like she was going along with
Tricia. I smirked. Well who wouldn't ! Tricia did palm
her $100 bill after all.
Likely Judy would've sat in her lap and read the menu
to her if she asked. I shook my head at the silly
sight of that.
Tricia added, "If you're good, we'll get ice cream
later, David. Now no grunching. Okay ?"
Grunching ? That's what my Dad used to say, when I was
- like - 10-years old ! I rolled my eyes but Tricia
was looking at me intently for something.
I didn't know what. Everyone got silent. It even
seemed like the customers outside got quiet to see
what was happening now although I couldn't see them
beyond the wooden slats of the sliding wall.
"Well !?" Tricia finally said in a louder voice,
clearly directed to me.
"Yes - ma'am ?" I said, perplexed, thinking I was back
at work. Honestly - I had no idea what to say at this
point. I opened my mouth in confusion and for a moment
I couldn't think at all. Then I looked down at my lap,
unable to meet her eyes anymore.
Tricia nodded as if that was the correct response,
"That's better, sweetie. Now where were we."
Even Judy smiled at this clear show of a pecking
order. This was too much. Was I ALWAYS going to be
treated like this ?
But Judy broke the uncomfortable moment and queried,
"And for you, ma'am ?"
"I'd like this please." she told Judy pointing to an
item in the menu.
"Yes ma'am." Judy said in a very obsequious voice. I
laughed but caught myself when Tricia gave me a stern
look.
"And you, sir ?" Judy said going to Smithers, "What
would you like, please ?"
Smithers, seeing that the sky was the limit for this
particular treat said in his best British voice
appreciatively, "I would lok yore bey-est stek !
Medium rahr. Let me huv that with uh bokked
poe-teetow, ond yore see-zond gd-een bee-yens."
Tricia raised an eyebrow at this. That was clearly the
most expensive thing on the menu.
He addressed her in seeing her look of concern, "Is
thut oll-riot, mom ?"
Tricia nodded, "Sure. Whatever you want, Smithers. As
I said, my treat."
"Veddy good." Smithers said and handed Judy his menu,
"Thot will be awl, miss."
Judy couldn't help but smile at his thick accent and
now clearly determined we were multi-millionaires, and
that wasn't too far from the truth.
"I'll have your meals right out in a jiffy !" she
added cheerfully and retrieved the 3 menus. Then she
disappeared and we were alone again.
* * *
A few seconds passed in
silence and finally I spoke, "Tricia, I want to call
my Dad after we finish here. I'm concerned about him."
She patted me on my back, "Of course you are, dear. We
can certainly do that."
Okay, I was getting the message now. Everything she
said, it was never ME but WE. 'We can do something'
but not '=I= can do something.' Can't I do something
on my own is what I wondered ?
"=I'll= call Dad." I added, emphasizing the 'I,'
letting her know I really didn't need her help to dial
him up on the phone.
Tricia was nonplussed, "Like I said dear, WE'LL call
him, when we're done here, we can both talk to him. Is
there a problem ?"
I looked down at my lap again. I decided right then I
had better enjoy the sight of that cause I think
that's where my eyes were going to be most of the time
while I was with Tricia if we were going to get along.
At work, I could understand, because she was my
superior and my boss, but outside of work ? Is she
also my - boss ?
"Tricia ?" I started again but couldn't look up.
"David," she said in a tired voice. "You brought your
gamebuddy, didn't you ?"
"Gameboy." I corrected, finally looking up at her.
"Whatever it is !" she said flipping her hair to one
side, "Why don't you play with that thing for a moment
until our food arrives, okay honey ?"
Now my head hurt. I didn't mind playing with the
gameboy on my own but to have someone SUGGEST I play
with it was a clear way of avoiding conversation. I
shrugged, but that was fine.
Smithers was apparently a well-disciplined chauffeur
and kept his lip zipped during all of this, pretending
to be fascinated by one of the paintings behind me. I
looked over my shoulder, it was just a basket of
fruits, and not that well sketched, I thought.
I pulled out my Gameboy and then I saw Tricia open up
her purse and pull out the calculator she absconded
from me earlier. I looked to it with interest as she
held it in her hand.
"What're you doing ?" I asked in my friendliest voice.
She plakked the calculator down hard on the table and
addressed me in a very cross voice now, "David ! This
doesn't concern you. I have - to figure out some
things. Now don't bother me for a moment."
I sighed. Maybe this was just a phase she was going
through. Maybe she was jittery we were going to be a
couple and this was her way of expressing concern and
trepidation about the future ? I had to believe that.
That was the best way to think of it at the moment.
"OK," I added, and then a moment later I felt it
important to add, "I'm sorry."
Her tone turned 180 degrees and became a kind of weird
pleasantness that made me think I was sitting in a
high chair waiting for baby food, "Well of COURSE you
are ! Now why don't we wait for our yummy ummy meals,
hmmm ?"
I ignored this baby-talk but thought to myself, "Sure
and you can spoon feed it to me, too, and burp me
afterwards." but I didn't say it. I pulled out my
Gameboy from the hospital bag and found the, "Final
Fantasy Adventure" cartridge and put it in. Then I
turned the power on.
There was a pretty chime from the system powering up.
That was neat ! Maybe this won't be so bad after all -
that was until Tricia suddenly poked me with her hand.
I looked, what now ? She put her index finger to her
lips. Yeah, she did that a few times in work with me.
Alright, I guess no sound at all. I scooted the volume
lower. The tinny adventure music played. She held the
finger to lip and rubbed it up and down now as if my
eyes couldn't see straight.
FINE ! I whizzed the dial to
zero. She looked away and then the game up from my
last saved position.
And then - it got weird. Right then - apparently - I
vanished, according to Tricia, especially with what
she spoke next.
Her tone changed from a nice one to that of a rebuffed
Mother, "Well, Smithers. Have you ever met anyone like
that ?"
"Mom ?" he asked fearfully, afraid he would say the
wrong thing at this unexpected change in conversation.
"Like David." she said without even looking at me.
"Getting too big for his britches, wouldn't you say ?
Maybe he needs to be fitted in a size smaller so it
pinches his bottom as a reminder ?" and she laughed
wickedly, clearly envisioning me in what she
suggested.
* * *
"Mom !?" Smithers added a
little louder. I glared at him. He had better choose
his next words carefully ! He finally stammered, "Uhh
- I woodent know, mom !" He coughed suddenly, "Ex-cooz
me, mom. I need tuh use thaw fahseeluhtehz."
He suddenly got up and walked around the table. There
was a restroom in here to the left of the table so he
didn't have to open up the sliding wall and use the
regular one. Tricia nodded to see him go.
I felt - really weird right then. She was talking
about me, and yet - like I wasn't there. It was like a
needle was going in my brain, despite the fact it was
dipped in some kind of anesthetic to stop the pain, it
was still a sharp needle nonetheless and it went in -
DEEP.
Then she paused her head, staring right where he was.
I felt it especially important right then to get busy
with my game. Her head turned toward me ever so
slightly, VERY slowly - and right then. I felt fear.
Deep rocking fear ! From her - soon to be my wife ?
What could she possibly do to me ?
What was wrong with me ? What was WRONG with her ?
Surely married couples didn't act like this !
"Good game ?" she finally said in a tone dripping a
slight edge of venom to it, aware I was still watching
her slightly out of the corner of my eye.
"Great." I said suddenly and kind of wiggled in my
seat so I wasn't facing either her or the table now,
but against the wall.
"Hmmm ..." she said thoughtfully. Then out of the
corner of my eye I saw her pull out the calculator and
set it on the table. Then she pulled out an envelope
from her purse, tucked and folded neatly.
She opened it carefully,
read it, and started figuring out some numbers on the
calculator from handwritten numbers at the bottom, but
I couldn't read the values unless I turned my head to
look, and I didn't want her to get angry again.
"Everything okay, Trish ?" I asked, completely looking
away from her, and trying not to upset her.
"I need to figure this out." she said in a voice that
showed me she wasn't patient. "Don't bother me !" she
added in a distracted and irritated tone. I couldn't
help it, right then, I felt especially sad, doesn't
she like me ? Was this =ALL= just about the money ?
One more jab like that from her and I would start
crying, I knew it, and I didn't care who saw me.
But then a moment later, she rubbed me encouragingly
on my back and added in her best friendly voice, "I'm
sorry, sweetie. I need to look at this, it's
important. Our meals should arrive soon, okay honey ?"
She continued to rub me on my back encouragingly which
I let her for several long moments, and it did feel
good. Finally I nodded in agreement. She was waiting
for that and finally patted me on my back like a
well-disciplined pet and then went back to the
calculator and pushed a few buttons. Then pulled out a
pen and wrote down some new numbers. I thought about
this. I thought about all of it.
Okay - to recap - she told me to lie about the
accident I was in, and the fact I wasn't actually used
as a battering ram against the women's restroom door
by mean old Barbara, but somehow, clumsy me, I fell
down the stairs. I knew that much.
Tricia had gotten me 1.2 million dollars out of it, or
so she said, although that certainly is what it looked
like on the paper I signed. And I would fully admit
that I had =NO= idea what I was going to do with that
kind of money. And apparently she had every intention
and idea of spending it as she saw fit.
It's teething pains, I told myself. She's just this
way right now, it'll get better. Once all the
paperwork is signed and I'm married, we'll live
blissfully together, you'll see, I told myself. I
smiled and relaxed. And apparently she did too.
I looked out of the corner
of my eye as she did more key presses on the
calculator. She didn't seem angry now but there was a
kind of, hard to describe, silent peace - between us
again ?
What she didn't tell me was finally sinking in my
head. As long as I minded my own business we would get
along great. Just great. And that's not so bad, is it
? I mean, you were just going to donate all the money
to a charity or such. Surely she would put it to
better use ?
Tricia muttered to herself but I caught it, "Let's see
... For the masnion, we'll still need 3 servants. A
cook and - "
"Mansion !" I whispered breathlessly. I thought I was
moving in her penthouse ?
* * *
Suddenly the sliding wall
parted and Judy had our 3 meals. Like a flash, Tricia
pocketed the calculator, pen, and envelope. Smithers
arrived on queue back in his seat. And I really
couldn't blame him. He was here just for a free meal
and he didn't want to get bawled out by Tricia as
clearly she would've done so had he not gone along
with her weird ways.
"Hokay !" Judy said in a tone that indicated we were
all starving, "Fat and juicy hamburger for the big guy
!" and set the plate in front of me. I gave her a
dirty look. Any more talk like that and Tricia would
likely put me on a diet. Besides I was only 155 lbs at
5'10 which I think was clearly average. In any case.
"STEAK !" she trilled, as if it was a meal fit for a
king, and likely it was. "With a fresh hot baked
potato and our special seasoned green beans ! Enjoi !"
Smithers helped her with the plate before she could
set it before him. I looked at him. He was a mite
thin, at that. It was likely he didn't get a meal this
good in a long time, and right then, I felt - kind of
sad for him. I hoped I would see more of him. Maybe
that would be possible if I asked Tricia about it in
the right way ? She did say she needed 3 servants ?
"And for the miss, House Salad, extra carrots, with
Light Vinaigrette Dressing." she said and put the
final meal before Tricia.
Okay, this stunk now. When I was on my own, I ate what
I wanted, when I wanted. And Pizza and Ice-Cream were
definitely on my favorites menu. I could see if I
lived with Tricia I had better grow longer ears and a
fuzzy tail cause clearly I would be treated like a pet
rabbit for my diet of lettuce and carrots.
But I had a hamburger in front of me. It looked great
! I immediately launched into it. Smithers did
likewise on his steak using the steak knife she
provided extra for him.
"Anything else, gang ?" Judy said, standing by
patiently.
Okay, I understood her now, too. She was going to want
an extra $100 tip and clearly she was working towards
this. The hamburger was excellent, however.
"That's all for now." Tricia said with an official air
and waved her hand absently behind her.
"Yes ma'am." Judy said and then did something totally
preposterous ! She curtsied for her ! Perfectly too,
holding on to her waitress apron with both hands
raising it slightly as she dipped down on the floor
crossing her legs and looking at the floor.
It was too much ! I was choking with laughter now, but
the hamburger bite wedged in my throat ! I really was
choking ! I gakked for a moment. Then I finally
smacked my hand on the table hard causing Tricia's
salad to jump in her bowl. That was all I needed to
get her attention. She looked at me with a bewildering
look.
"Oh my god oh my god - he's choking !" Judy, our
waitress said ! Tricia hurriedly stepped out of her
seat and Judy dragged me out of my seat and up and
standing.
"I know the Heimlich maneuver !" she said
professionally, raising her hand as if someone would
call on her in class.
I tried not to panic. I nodded, yes, you ! I choose
you, Judy !
"Stand back !" she said in a louder voice. Even
Smithers stood up from his meal to look on.
Judy grabbed me, positioned me so I was facing away
from her, then - "1 - 2 - 3 !" she cried and whoophed
her double-knotted fists into my abdomen.
Unfortunately, nothing happened except searing nausea.
Okay, now I had to ask myself. What would happen if I
vomited and my throat was clogged ? Eww ... I
grimaced. Not pretty.
"Do something !" Tricia finally said. Then muttered to
herself, "If something happens, I won't get any - "
she caught herself, and said, "I mean - we're getting
MARRIED after all !"
Susan nodded to this. As for me, I felt I was going to
blackout here pretty soon now. "Call an ambulance !" I
tried to say but it wouldn't come out.
Tricia faced me with a look of fear on her face and
held my hand for support. Susan spoke again from
behind me, very carefully now, "1 ... 2 ... 3 ... GO
!" and then whammied her fists back into my
abdomen.
"Paoh !" I coughed and the food flew out of my mouth
straight at Tricia. Oww ... My chest hurt from what
she did but it was so funny at what I was looking at
now ! I mean Tricia had been so DAMNED perfect to this
point and then she had a lodge of my wet hamburger
meat hanging off the end of her nose ! It was great !
Judy spoke first, "Oh my god, ma'am ! I'm - I'm so
sorry. Here, let me get that !" and she leapt around
me to help Tricia but Tricia's face turned stony,
dangerously, with a clear lack of amusement in her
frozen expression. She 180'ed and headed to the
bathroom as Judy went in with her.
* * *
"GET OUT !" Tricia
shrieked from inside the bathroom to Judy, whatever
patience she had was gone now.
"My !" Judy said and bailed out and almost collided
into both me and Smithers, still exchanging grins.
"Goddamit !" we heard Tricia screech from the
bathroom. Hoo boy.
Fortunately, Judy just
smiled with us. "Did you see the look on her face ?"
she said and I smiled more.
I bit my lip in thought, I better not laugh too much
cause I knew Tricia could likely hear me from in
there. But I did want to ask, "Hey, Judy. I know this
seems kind of out of place - but - have you ever been
a servant before ?"
"Just WHAT do you mean by that !?" she asked in an
angry voice. "What do you want, a free massage now ? I
just saved your life buddy boy !"
"Nonono ..." I said, "I mean - it's just - well, if
you didn't know, yes, we are - ahhm - millionaires. I
think. Anyways, Tricia - that's her in the bathroom.
She controls the finances." I looked away, "Clearly !"
But then I faced Judy again and added in seriousness,
"Tricia said she still needs 3 servants for the
mansion I'm moving in with her. I thought it was a
penthouse and I guess it's not - anyways. Ahhm - Would
you - did you want to come - and - help ?"
"What's the pay ?" she asked seriously. "I mean - I
get $7/hr. here with tips."
After a moment of baffled silence from me she shook
her head and started to walk away but Smithers held
out his hand to stop her, "Miss. I beleef yewl fond a
suh-vents pay is a much mohr odd-mur-uh-bull payeenk
job thon a weh-tress." She looked at him and her eyes
narrowed. "No ensult ahn-tended, miss !" he added.
"None taken." she said, and smiled pleasantly, then
she looked back to me with a look of consternation.
"But you said it's up to the girl soon to be wife you
just horked up on, right, kiddo ?"
"Yeah, that." I said, and looked down at my toes.
Maybe this wouldn't work after all.
"Oh my god." Judy said, "What am I doing - what am I
doing !" She bounced up and down on her shoes for a
moment. Finally she threw her hands in the air and
said to the ceiling, "What the hell ! What have I got
to lose !" and then she dashed into the restroom to
talk to Tricia.
END OF
CHAPTER 28
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