Fixing Me- Prologue

Prologue

                “Babe, I’m sorry you know I have to go,” Josh said while kissing my forehead. I looked at him deep in the eyes. He saw the hurt look in my eyes and turned away from me. I know that Josh didn’t like to see me in so much pain. It was hard on him to even watch me cry which he watched me do a lot of times before. That’s what I loved about Josh. He was always caring and loving. It wasn’t his fault that he had to leave though…it was the country’s…

                “I just wish you didn’t have to go. I need you to stay here with me,” I told him. I was still holding onto him because I didn’t want to let him go. I wanted to feel his body pressed to mine still. He turned back to me and we kissed passionately. I didn’t want that kiss to end ever. I could feel all the love that he held for me in that kiss.

                “I need you too, but I have to go. I was drafted. If I don’t go I will go to jail. I don’t think you want me to go there,” he said stifling a laugh. I just glared at him and he smiled wide. He knew that I didn’t like when he joked when we were trying to be serious. Especially since this was the most serious moment of all times. Well I didn’t really ever like jokes anyways for many reasons. That was the one quality in myself that I didn’t like. I wanted to be able to joke with people. Not just during serious moments like this though.

                He knew darn well that I didn’t want him to go to jail. I didn’t want him to leave to fight in the war either. I could already feel the tears starting to flow down my cheeks. Josh picked me up and started to spin me around. I was yelling at him to stop, but he wasn’t listening. When he got dizzy he stopped. We landed on my bed after that. I was laughing because he always spun me around when I was upset. He knew that it would get me to laugh. We kissed again when he was finally not dizzy anymore.

                Our tongues were fighting each other for dominance. He rolled on top of me to deepen the kiss. It was a magical kiss and I could feel my heart beating so fast. I could feel my face turning red. When he looked down at me he smiled and laughed. After ten minutes of kissing we heard a knock on my door. Josh jumped off of me in fear that it was my father. I smoothed my hair into place because I didn’t want to make it seem like we were doing anything wrong. We weren’t doing anything wrong because we were only kissing. At least we weren’t having sex like every parent fears.

                My mother entered my room when I yelled to come in. She had a smile on her face, but she didn’t look all that happy. She didn’t like when I had my door closed when Josh was over, but I wanted to have my private time with him. He was leaving in a week and I wanted to spend my last moments with him. “I just wanted to know if you wanted to stay for dinner, Josh.”

                “Yes, please,” he said with a huge smile. He smiled although he knew that my mother was upset and frustrated about the door being closed.

                “Excellent and also dear please leave your door open,” she said and walked away. I sighed because I was annoyed by that. I was eighteen years old. I could have a boy in my room if I wanted. I just didn’t make enough money to afford my own apartment yet. My parents didn’t think that it was a good idea to get a job while I was going to school, but I wanted to have my own money. So I could do things besides sit in my room all day. I was thinking of buying Josh a gift too before he left.

                A few hours later dinner was ready and everyone was at the table. I looked at Josh and my heart started to beat fast again. In a matter of days I was not going to see him for a while. All my thoughts were on him. I was already worried about him although he hadn’t left yet. After dinner Josh went home. I didn’t want him to leave just yet, but he did. He had to go because his family wanted to spend time with him too before he left.

-Last Day Together-

                Today was the day Josh was leaving. He was going to be sent to fight in a pointless war. The war should have stopped a long time ago, but it didn’t. Now Josh had to leave because they had to draft young men into the war. My heart was already starting to break. I didn’t want Josh to go. Something in my heart was telling me that he shouldn’t leave. He shouldn’t be sent off to fight.

                Josh picked me up into to his arms and swung me around. I couldn’t help, but smile. I knew that tears would be falling soon. He was leaving in a few hours. He was now wearing his navy outfit already.  I didn’t like it on him. He kissed me when he put me down. He didn’t make himself dizzy that time. He was still a dork though. He was my dork.

                His mother came into his room. She looked at him with such a loving smile. It was the sweetest thing I had ever seen. I could see the tears that were already starting to form in her eyes. He put his arms around his mother and grabbed her into a hug. It was a really sweet moment. His bond with his mother and father was really strong.

                “I love you, Josh,” his mother said.

                “I love you too, Mom,” he said and kissed her on the cheek. Her tears were falling now because she knew it would be a long while before she saw her son. His father came into the room as well. Josh was actually following in his father’s footsteps because his father had also fought in a war a long time ago. His father hugged him as well.

                “Be safe, son, I love you,” his father told him. He slapped him on the back playfully. He kissed me on the cheek and we walked into the living room. We were going to be spending our final moments together. He was going to be leaving in an hour. I didn’t even want to count the time that we had left together.

                For the rest of the time we talked, laughed, shared some moments, and then it was time for him to leave. Of course I was going to ride with him and his parents to where he was going to be leaving from. He was holding me the whole time that we were together in the car. He whispered in my ear that he loved me. He told me that when he got back he would love to start a family. I was shocked, but I was also happy because I really loved him too. I didn’t think I could fall in love that easily, but I had with him. We shared one more kiss before he departed. His mother and I hugged each other when he left. We both couldn’t stop the tears that were falling down our cheeks.

                At that moment I didn’t think that I was ever going to stop crying. Josh was leaving and I wasn’t going to see him for a long time.

-4 Months Later-

                A phone call woke me up from my nap that I was taking before I had to go to work. It was my cell phone ringing. It was from Josh’s mother. It had been a while since she had contacted me. We had talked every once in a while since Josh left. She always wanted to know how I was doing. How my job was going. The usual, but today it was different.

                I could feel my chest beating really fast. It had been four months since Josh had gone to war. He would send his mother letters and he would send me some too. He would tell me in those letters that he missed me and he loved me. I would weep happy tears when I read those words.

                “Hello,” I said in a cheery tone although I was having a really terrible feeling in my chest. At first nothing, but tears that could be heard from the other end. I was so worried when she didn’t answer right away. “Hello?”

                “D-darling, I-I t-think y-you n-need t-to s-sit d-down,” I heard his mother say on the other end. She was stuttering a lot and it was making me feel upset. I didn’t know what to think about that. I told her that I was sitting down.

                “Are you okay, ma’am?” I asked her.

                “N-No, I’m n-not,” she said. I was worried about her. I wondered if it was something that had to do with Josh.

                “W-what’s wrong?” I stuttered a bit because all I could hear was tears again.

                “I-I d-don’t k-know h-how t-to t-tell y-you t-this, b-but J-Josh is gone,” his mother said so quietly into the phone.

                “W-What?” I asked in skepticism. She repeated what she said. In my head all the word I could hear was gone…and it repeated over and over. I dropped the phone from my hands. I was starting to shake really badly. Then the tears started to pour out from my eyes. I looked at the phone…she was still there…crying just as much as I was…

                “J-Josh, no! You can’t be gone! You promised a long time ago that you would never leave me. You would always be here for me! You would always be there for me! You promised me that I could be your shoulder to cry on,” I cried and slammed my cell phone against the wall. It disconnected on his mother because the phone broke in two from the impact.

                I curled up into the ball and rocked myself back and forth. I was now holding a teddy bear that he had giving me. The tears didn’t stop falling until I fell asleep that night.

                …And so it begins…

Author's Note

Enjoy

Reviews

[denise]

Wow! Really great write! I'm anxious to read what happens with her story! Glad to see a fellow NJ writer!! :)

[Ja'h Real]

This is a very powerful piece. I love the emotion put into it. I hope you plan on continuing this work.

[Basu Gupta]

enjoy..huh?
That was such an emotional piece..
My heart really broke in the end..
10 minutes earlier i was reading your prologue..i was in the starting..
Your pure love attached a thread of something that i made myself a part of it..and then such a mishappenin' broke out..
Nice and heartfelt write..
Thanks for sharing