Working Way to Hard-Chapter 1

Working Way to Hard-Chapter 1

A Chapter by Angie Diane♥♥
"

Let me know if anything needs to be fixed. Tried to write it like the short story, but with more details. And I used some lines from the short story.

"

Chapter 1

                “Abigail, I need to talk to you after class,” Mrs. Collins said. Abigail just sighed because she knew that there were a few more minutes of class left. She stared at the clock and watched the seconds count down when she saw they had a minute left. She could hear everyone whispering quietly. She was just concentrated on the clock.

                “Five, four, three, two, one,” she thought. The bell rang and all the other kids in the class walked out the class room. Abigail was the only one left in the classroom. She sighed again because she knew what this was about.

                “Abigail, your grades have been dropping very dramatically. I’m sorry, but if you don’t bring your grades up you will end up failing all of your classes. All of your teachers have been complaining about your grades. Your grades used to be the best in the class. Now all of them are the worst in the class. If you don’t pass this test you will fail for the marking period. You will have to go to summer school. I don’t want to see that happen to a bright young student like you,” Mrs. Collins said to Abigail.

                “I’ll see you tomorrow, Mrs. Collins. Don’t worry I will bring my grades up. I promise,” Abigail said. She knew that she was going to have a conversation about her grades. She knew that they have been slipping, but she really couldn’t tell anybody what was going on in her life. She didn’t want anyone to know. Even her best friend, Alex, didn’t know what was going on. She could always tell him anything, but lately she didn’t have time to talk to him.

                She was just way too busy to talk to any of her friends. They would text her, but she wouldn’t respond to their text messages.

                She walked to her locker which was on the other side of the building. She grabbed all of the books out of her locker. While she was in the process of doing that she felt a light tap on her back. She turned around to see who it was. She saw that it was Alex and she smiled at him.

                “Hello, Abigail,” Alex said with a smile plastered on his face. Abigail couldn’t help, but smile at her best friend.

                “Hello, Alex, how are you today,” she asked her best friend.

                “I’ve been very well and how are you,” he responded.

                “I’m fine, I have a lot of homework today though,” she said.

                “I can see that,” he frowned.

                “Awe, don’t frown, honey,” she chuckled.

                “Do you think we can hang out today? I don’t get to hang out with you as much,” Alex said frowning again. He missed the times he had to spend with Abigail. She was always too busy with “homework”.

                “I can’t today, but maybe tomorrow,” she said frowning. She felt bad that she couldn’t hang out with him, but she didn’t have time today. “I have to go to work in two hours. I need to start my homework as soon as I get home.” She thought to herself. She had to make up an excuse as to why she couldn’t hang out with Alex.

                “Why can’t you hang out today?” Alex asked with a frown still written on his face. Abigail couldn’t stand to see that frown. He always used that frown when he wanted to hang out with her. She couldn’t resist, but now she had.

                “Like you said before I have a lot of homework. It might take a few hours, but I don’t know how long it will take. We can hang out tomorrow. I will have time,” she said.

                “Alright then, I will see you tomorrow I hope,” he said with that frown. She felt bad that she had to stand up her best friend for her job, but she needed to work.

                “Bye, Alex,” she said as he walked away. She could tell that he was very upset and she couldn’t stand to see him like that. She knew that it was her fault. That made her feel worse about her miserable life. Though things had gotten worse from when she was little though. When she was little her father left her mother. He left her for another woman.

                She walked out of the building and down the road to her house. She walked slowly because she wanted to concentrate on her thoughts. She still had the words that the teacher spoke in her head. She was trying not to cry. She knew that she needed to get her grades up, but she didn’t know how she could. She had to work to make ends meet. Her mother was too sick to work. She had to do everything for her mother.

                She had a frown written on her face when she walked through the door. She was still down that she couldn’t hang out with her best friend. She knew that Alex was also feeling terrible because he hadn’t seen her for two weeks. That was the last time that they had to get together.

                She went into her mother’s room to see that her mother was sleeping. That gave her time to start her homework. She was going to make her mother dinner before she left for work, but she had to wait to see what she wanted. She knew that it was going to be some type of soup. She didn’t have much effort to put in that. She sat down at the kitchen table to start her homework. She started with her math homework because she didn’t really like math all that much. She had a lot of problems to get through anyway. All the rest of her homework was easy anyway. She just didn’t want to get stuck with math when she got home from working. She heard a violent cough come from her mother’s room.

                “Ouch,” she heard her mother say.

                “Are you okay, Mom,” she asked her mother. She could tell that her mother was in pain. She got her mother a cup of water.

                “I’m fine dear. You don’t need to check on me every time you heard me say something,” her mother responded. Abigail just gave her mother a worried glance. Her mother knew that she just couldn’t stop worrying about her. Her mother sighed and Abigail took the cup out of her room.

                “Mom, I’m just trying to be a good daughter and taking care of you is a good thing,” she said to her mother. She looked at the clock next to her mother’s bed. It was three o’clock and she had a five hour shift that that. She had an hour to get ready for work.

                She got her outfit for work out of her closet. She took out the ironing board and she ironed her outfit. She then jumped in the shower to get ready for work. She got out of the shower ten minutes later. After she put her work outfit on she had to redo her hair. She put gel and grease in her hair to maintain the curls she wore.

                “What do you want for dinner tonight, Mom,” she called out to her mother. Her mother thought for a few seconds.

                “I will have cream of broccoli soup tonight,” she responded. Abigail got a bowl out and went to the cabinet to get the soup. She poured it into the bowl and put it in the microwave to heat it up. When it was done she gave it to her mother.

                “Thank you,” her mother responded.

                “You’re welcome. Mom, while I’m gone do not forget to take your medicine. You don’t want to get even sicker do you,” Abigail asked.

                “Of course not, dear,” her mother responded. She put the medicine next to her bed so that she remembered to take it.

                “Alright, Mom, I have to go to work. I will see you when I come home,” Abigail said. She kissed her mother on the cheek and left the house. She got in her car and drove down the road to her job.



© 2011 Angie Diane♥♥


My Review

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Featured Review

I am curious to see where this goes. The archetype of a dutiful daughter is well played. I get the sense that Abigail is smart, resourceful and generally likeable.

Now, here's where I'm supposed to do the critique, huh? OK... The dialogue ends with commas instead of other punctuation marks. Don't get me wrong, I'm FAR from being a grammar nazi. Still, I figured that this should be pointed out.

First paragraph, last sentence: Cut the word "was".
Third paragraph: "Now they are the worst in the class." Can probably be cut down to "Now they are the worst." It flows easier in my mind that way. Like speech should.
Next paragraph: "She knew that they have been slipping". Try had instead of have.

There's little stuff like that sprinkled through out. Easily fixable by any proofreader's standards.

If I have any qualms with this chapter, it is in the interplay between Abigail and Alex. It seems too formal to me. Best friends, of high school age, tend to be more... I don't know--Familiar? Then again, this could also bespeak of how they are drifting apart.

What I really like is that I can feel Abigail's shame in having to make ends meet, while other kids her age are out just being kids. That the pressures of taking care of her mother take precedent over all other concerns, is telling of her strong character.

The title speaks for itself. Abigail is definitely "Working WAY too hard" but she hasn't reached a breaking point, yet. I sense that she will though...

With just a little clean up for flow, this can be a very tight chapter. Like I said, I'd really like to see where this goes.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.



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Reviews

I am curious to see where this goes. The archetype of a dutiful daughter is well played. I get the sense that Abigail is smart, resourceful and generally likeable.

Now, here's where I'm supposed to do the critique, huh? OK... The dialogue ends with commas instead of other punctuation marks. Don't get me wrong, I'm FAR from being a grammar nazi. Still, I figured that this should be pointed out.

First paragraph, last sentence: Cut the word "was".
Third paragraph: "Now they are the worst in the class." Can probably be cut down to "Now they are the worst." It flows easier in my mind that way. Like speech should.
Next paragraph: "She knew that they have been slipping". Try had instead of have.

There's little stuff like that sprinkled through out. Easily fixable by any proofreader's standards.

If I have any qualms with this chapter, it is in the interplay between Abigail and Alex. It seems too formal to me. Best friends, of high school age, tend to be more... I don't know--Familiar? Then again, this could also bespeak of how they are drifting apart.

What I really like is that I can feel Abigail's shame in having to make ends meet, while other kids her age are out just being kids. That the pressures of taking care of her mother take precedent over all other concerns, is telling of her strong character.

The title speaks for itself. Abigail is definitely "Working WAY too hard" but she hasn't reached a breaking point, yet. I sense that she will though...

With just a little clean up for flow, this can be a very tight chapter. Like I said, I'd really like to see where this goes.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I love how the word homework is quoted. That's funny. Redid should be redone. Hmm interesting. I like how chapter 1 keeps changing scenes. I wonder what happens next. I like it.

Posted 13 Years Ago



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Added on November 28, 2010
Last Updated on February 23, 2011


Author

Angie Diane♥♥
Angie Diane♥♥

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About
Name: Angie Diane Age: 22 Birthday: You can guess. -.- I don't feel like telling anyone... Add me on facebook if you want... https://www.facebook.com/BlackedHearted Also just let me know that.. more..

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