Untangling

Parts of something

When we've tangled up our parts 
and mangled up our hearts
what then
what will we have left

I've journeyed through your gardens
worn your charm around my neck like a noose
with a daisy crown and elastic ring
you ask what I have to lose

so much and more still
maybe even everything
tell me what I have to gain
when your voice sings like a song
telling me to hang on
I want, even more, to let go

I fear you 
and what you could mean
I fear love and life 
and all things in between

a basket of smiles
little faces mirroring ours
a future together, not knowing what it brings
I cannot dream of such things 
for fear it will all end
just as quickly as it began

with tangled up dreams
bodies and hearts
I cannot be the one
to play that part

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

commitment phobia rings through this piece...marriage, family, a part in the play of normal life...house , picket fence, 2.5 children...can be scary for some...some need to be alone because they think it is safer...but avoiding heartbreak, never taking a chance on the dream...what do we accomplish?
really? and how fulfilling is that life?
I really like the reference to getting together with another as "tangling up the parts"--that is creative and fresh.
j.

[Edie Blue Starfish]

Thank you very much Jacob

[gram linski]

The untangling , tangling of emotion is well written and well read do not fear the unknown dive in and enjoy, as I do with your writing

[Edie Blue Starfish]

thank you for your kind comment, gram

[Robert Trakofler]

Your lines... remind, me of a time I was as you displayed so truthfully in this poems design. Edie those broken record repeat beat feelings can steal so much from a heart that needs to be held. I am not the most courageous bunny in the forest and I know those feelings all to well. But I can say you can waste a great deal of life in the deny. I can stand testament to this:) I speak of the mechanics of this write now that the preacher bunny came out of the box (sorry you pulled at his heart) a loved the symbolism of the parts and the lines flowed in a very relatable tone (obviously or I wouldn't of babbled) And A very nice rhyme scheme in here too. now start picking up those pieces and put that heart back together I just found one under my couch I will mail it to you!

[Edie Blue Starfish]

can you email it instead? :)
thank you!

[Robert Trakofler]

Its hard to digitize pieces but i try

[Paul Bell]

Not sure if this is the other woman.
Maybe promised much, but delivered little.
But I suppose that is the role of the third party.

[Edie Blue Starfish]

thank you for you take on it Paul :)

[Edie Blue Starfish]

*your :)

[Chris Shaw]

Fear of getting tied down runs right through this poem. You say 'I fear you' and that says it all for me. Where there is fear, then something ain't right. This guy isn't the one. Nicely conveyed Edie.

Chris

[Edie Blue Starfish]

Thanks so much Chris, you are right I think. :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

The protagonist here seems to be unable to commit to this person and any person as they have no faith in themeselves or life. Perhaps after witnessing others fall from grace. It is a sad but nicely penned piece with mournful echoes.

[Edie Blue Starfish]

Thank you John for the comment on this one.