L'arbre

There are fifty leaves

left on the tree that's rooted

in my October heart.

 

They tremble when I breathe

and whisper when I speak.

 

As a child, I would rest

my palm on the old

crab-apple tree's twisted

flesh and sit between its

teeth, ask for its' name.

 

My tree does not know

the nimble taste of light or the

decadence water knits

and its trunk is wrapped

with veins that bloom

in colors that don't yet exist.

 

It trembles when I speak

and whispers when I breathe.

Author's Note

put the comma back in after reading comments, I feel the urge of it's presence

Reviews

[Shmoke-Sifted Heftlande..]

I love the flow (apparently there's been an edit, but I can't imagine you changed it too much). I like the way you turned the last stanza around in repetition.
I like how the roots taste soil instead of light, and as you describe it, it's like you're telling each other a story. Similarly, you further, and perhaps more subtly and powerfully, express a subtle disconnection with the outside world as you connect the reader with time when you describe veins/colors. It's an interesting contrast you create between fantasy/reality and history/moment(s) in time. Very interesting to read, thank you.

[Shmoke-Sifted Heftlander]

I think the last line of the debated stanza needs the word "ask" needs to be "asking", or another "and" thrown in there for it to make sense grammatically, unless I'm reading it wrong..I'd hate to think we're debating everything but the relevant, LOL

[外人 (Gaiji..]

Is the title in french?! Je l'ai adoré ! Trés bien !
The poem is original, pituresque and even a little naive at some points ... so basically I said: I loved it, I loved it, I loved it especially at some points =D
Still didn't get the metaphor, though :( Maybe I'm just too tired to think properly xD
Great job !

[eglantine]

yes, the title is french. My family is french on my dad's side so I try to connect to that part of my heritage, lame but ya lol It means 'the tree'

[外人 (Gaijin)]

keep on trying, French is such a beautiful language !! On peut parler français s'il te plait !

[eglantine]

lol bravo!

[h d e rushin]

In poetry writing (and I imagine in prose writing also) you find a word, or idea or
theme and come back to it, just not too often. Dickenson did it, so did Auden,
Plath, Eliot, Pound, Cummings, Stevens, Oats, Baraka, Giovanni, etc. In post
modernism it's so very easy to do but in blank verse, so easy to stray away from.
You have mastered it here.

Your October heart makes reasonable everything else that follows here; trees and blooms and tastes and colors and whispers all follow the theme of, and certainly
in October, more aplomb. This is good work and thanks so much for sharing it.
hder.

[Bare trees]

This is one of the best poems I've read in quite a while. Your metaphors are exquisite and so artfully done. I agree, the comma should stay, though it's hard to believe such drama would occur here over one little punctuation mark. It just goes to show how important that mark is.

If this wasn't on the featured poems page it should have been. IMHO.

BTW it's going into my favorites.

[eglantine]

I'm glad you found it likeable enough to go in your favorites. I don't know if it was featured... not really sure how that works.

[Bare trees]

To tell you the truth neither am I but I think it has to do with a certain number of reads and reviews within a short amount of time. I'm telling others about this poem. It's amazing.

[Emily B]

those first three lines are magic, but you know that, they grab my heart and pull me closer

the trembling, whispering words steal my imagination and i am ready to run away to the land of L'arbre, anywhere, just to get nearer those words

and then the story of the child, it needs a pause, it is important for us to linger there a little, i might question its', it is the only thing i would question this far

My tree, not just some random, arbitrary living organism with limbs and leaves, but this tree that belongs to my heart . . . and then those amazing last two lines

not much in the way of review, these words grabbed me tighter than any single work I've read today, and that's saying something

[eglantine]

Thank you very much for reading :)

[Cristina Moldoveanu]

Beautiful, truly beautiful. I speaks to my mind and also to my heart. One of my favorites from yours. It does not to be criticized, but I will be sincere. I think it needs a more powerful final, in order to maintain the higher tension you achieved in the rest. I understood your need to express that idea once again, my humble opinion is that it would have been better without.

[eglantine]

you are so polite lol thank you for your suggestion :)

[eglantine]

[GunMetal]

That first verse got my attention, it's brilliant. The whole thing is really incredible. I loved this piece.

[cilla]

Beautiful poem ... punctuation optional ... there is a wonderful sense of the child returning home and finding an old friend ... one that can create its own colors and is willing to listen to words you would not share with another. There is a sense of innocence woven into your words ... one that recalls the time of our on innocence.

[Kaylor Mason]

This is cool. I gotta admit, trees do have a mysterious power to them; they live longer than any human can, and they preside over their grounds and witness things men never will. You always have to wonder if they can hear you when you speak to them . . . it's a little comforting to think they can.

[BLACK PRINCE]

This is a lovely, unique poem.

I love the refrain in the final stanza.

And I love the Title which means The Tree, in French.