Z-axis

all the fingers on the hand

are talking nonsensical

 

about puppets and whales

and whether i really is before e,

     except if you're seaweed

     because then you're just

                 wet.

 

they talk and jibber--

and doodles drop from

my washed-up eyes like beads

of liquid mercury:    hazel pearls.

 

Can you sense the rain?

      it's just a flip of the page--

      the sky's mottled fin.

 

let's gather mason jars and catch

the falling water before the whales

stop singing.

 

i'm tired of listening to my hands

gesticulating nonsense and mermaid

teeth are so much easier to swallow than pills.

Reviews

[Kim]

What a stunningly gorgeous piece of work! I absolutely love the style and your wordplay is fantastic. I especially like the title - it really grabbed my attention - and your images are so unique and unexpected. The mention of mermaid teeth is genius and it really makes the final sentence a home run. The spacing and flow is well done (especially the isolation of "stop singing") and I wouldn't change anything. I'm sorry that I don't have anything to critique - I simply adore the poem as is and it's one of the best things I've read all day. I can't wait to read your other work!

[eglantine]

aw well thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it and thank you so much for taking the time to let me know your thoughts on it.

[Moonflower]

Ah perfection. Your writing is always so personable, you write with an inherent smoothness. There is true talent here..beautiful distraction. Exemplary work.

[ChemicalMadness]

This is glorious WTF perfection. Such a great reminder to JUST WRITE. And while I'm late to the game here, I'll tell you anyway....keep posting even when you think you shouldn't. Clearly, the devil sitting on your shoulder whispering "don't do it" needs to be b***h slapped!!!

[eglantine]

haha, well thank you! :) Glad you enjoyed it

[Aaron]

Amazingly quirky.
First thing, I had no choice but to finish this poem. It was written in a way that makes me need to know what will come next. I love that.
"about puppets and whales
and whether i really is before e,
except if you're seaweed
because then you're just
wet."
This is good. I've read this repeatedly.

[eglantine]

Thank ya much. Glad you read and enjoyed :)

[J.E. Stroud]

Everything, down to the formatting of this, is just great. The imagery is surprising, surreal, but also give taste to pangs of feelings that can't quite be named. The critique part of this lies here: nonsensical is misspelled, unless I'm simply not clever enough to understand why that may be, ha

[eglantine]

oh--right! hahaha nothing clever there at all. Imma fix that now. Thanks!

[Pax Analog]

This charming piece reminds me of Apollinaire, of the Dadaist & Surrealist drive to stop making sense & shake off shackles of ratiocination thereby. In this regard, it is near to Zen, to the streams of crazy wisdom, in that the "point" is the exhilarating undefined space created by such a deceptively nonsensical dance. Makes me want to roll around on a grassy knoll eating owl sandwiches!

[eglantine]

thanks so much! :)

[Boy of the red]

its like it clicks somewhere in our brains but we know it cant really make sense, yet somehow it does to us.

[eglantine]

good! :) glad it did. Thanks for reading

[RachelReaper]

Makes so little sense that it make sense... does that make sense?

[eglantine]

haha, yes

[RachelReaper]

:D

[Androglossia]

Compulsive concern with something yet bemused of what has really triggered the feeling. Or was it extreme anxiety? Whatever the real message behind this write I can sense the distracted thought of the one who wrote. Spontaneous.

[eglantine]

thanks!