3:15 a.m. must have been the time that you became a poet

3:15 a.m. must have been the time that you became a poet

A Poem by eglantine
"

for the queen and the jack

"

Infra-red numbers don’t mean much

in the black-and-white world

beneath your eyelids.

 

Your voice is asleep between your vodka breaths;

 

                        do you know that I am here,

                        shuffling cards, waiting for you

                        to wake and pick one, any one,

 

                        be it heart or spade,

                        rust or doubled,

                        life or life-after?

 

You are not as, or was

 

 

 

                                --and I could be the woman you fall in love with.


© 2014 eglantine



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Featured Review

I like your "Hook". It sets up the dichotomy you hammer throughout.
Infa-red/Black and White
Heart/Spade
Rust/Doubled
Life/hereafter
as/was

Maybe even the implied dichotomy.

Sober/drunk (metaphorically and literally)
Love/Non-love

You also do a good job of drawing the reader in with details, making it more intimate "beneath eyelids"
"between vodka breaths"

One can almost feel the person inspecting, or hovering, somewhat impatiently.

The format is a bit jarring too, but I find that punctuation and format tend to be idiosyncratic.

Anyhow, I usually suggest something to the writer, but this is pretty "clean" (looks like it's been revised a few times), so I can't really offer small alternatives without stretching it.

The only part I was in the dark about was "rust or doubled". I play cards (though not a shark), but am not familiar with that term (or maybe it's regional).

Random thoughts...I think 3:15am was supposed to be the time Jesus died? I forget.
Well, at the very least, that's the time I was born, the little devil! lol

Anyhow, enjoyed it.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

eglantine

2 Years Ago

Thank you Alessander. I have never heard that 3:15 Jesus bit before, interesting.



Reviews

I like how you used the words in the poetry.
"do you know that I am here,
shuffling cards, waiting for you
to wake and pick one, any one,
be it heart or spade,
rust or doubled,
life or life-after?"
The above lines. They are classic emotional movers. Entire poem was amazing. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

Posted 2 Years Ago


I like your "Hook". It sets up the dichotomy you hammer throughout.
Infa-red/Black and White
Heart/Spade
Rust/Doubled
Life/hereafter
as/was

Maybe even the implied dichotomy.

Sober/drunk (metaphorically and literally)
Love/Non-love

You also do a good job of drawing the reader in with details, making it more intimate "beneath eyelids"
"between vodka breaths"

One can almost feel the person inspecting, or hovering, somewhat impatiently.

The format is a bit jarring too, but I find that punctuation and format tend to be idiosyncratic.

Anyhow, I usually suggest something to the writer, but this is pretty "clean" (looks like it's been revised a few times), so I can't really offer small alternatives without stretching it.

The only part I was in the dark about was "rust or doubled". I play cards (though not a shark), but am not familiar with that term (or maybe it's regional).

Random thoughts...I think 3:15am was supposed to be the time Jesus died? I forget.
Well, at the very least, that's the time I was born, the little devil! lol

Anyhow, enjoyed it.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

eglantine

2 Years Ago

Thank you Alessander. I have never heard that 3:15 Jesus bit before, interesting.
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G!o
I read this and i get the meaning of what they say that poetry is the third eye to the world we don't physically see. Beauty or creativity is a mortal of describing your writing. You have the best well of words in you...this is the best reading i have had today.

Amazing!!!

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This was quite good. I enjoyed reading this poem today. I like how you have it laid out...adds a lot of depth.

Posted 3 Years Ago


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J
The way you space this is lovely; the impact of your words, even moreso.

You tread that precarious gap between unknowable - yet knowable to the heart, if that makes sense.

Posted 3 Years Ago


A very impressive piece of poetry. I'm going to give a lot of thought.

Posted 3 Years Ago


A truly fantastic piece of poetry, I am really impressed. Thanks for sharing. The Elusive Mr Dunne.

Posted 3 Years Ago


eglantine

3 Years Ago

Thank you very much
Wow. The last line took my breath away. Sweet surprise.

Posted 3 Years Ago


eglantine

3 Years Ago

Thank you Arzel
The early hours are the best time for anything. Nicely written.

Posted 3 Years Ago


eglantine

3 Years Ago

Thank you! :)
Eglantine is a poet I admire for her talent and creativity. A proper review of this fine poem would need a number of sides, but here the points I noticed. I really like L11, with its packed verbs that introduce perfectly the second phrase.Then the excellent visuality of the three triplets, divided by the strong single line. All who like good literature will enjoy this.

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

eglantine

3 Years Ago

Thank you as always

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Added on February 10, 2014
Last Updated on February 10, 2014

Author

eglantine
eglantine

Somewhere Someplace



About
I graduated with my B.A. in English (emphasis creative writing) My ultimate goal is to be the U.S. Poet Laureate and to be a college professor of poetry. I'm a wildflower with a poetic soul. I'm als.. more..

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A Poem by eglantine



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