Daylight insomnia

Daylight insomnia

A Poem by eglantine

There's gypsy soul in my blood,
         wildflower-scented
         and airy with wonder.

I breathe best in water;
         I trip too much
         on land.

My hands are cold and dry;
         I soak them in
         sunflower baths.

I can't tell if the tide is coming in or

        slipping away.

© 2015 eglantine



Author's Note

eglantine
Not happy with the ending, suggestions for a smoother release?

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Reviews

I think the ending lines are perfect. They invited me to read the poem again. Also the choice of words is fantastic. You're definitely something. :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


...how about going down the drain...:) Nice poem :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


eglantine

2 Years Ago

oooo--I like that! Thanks for the suggestion!
terry smith

2 Years Ago

anytime:)..
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G!o
I would have loved to make a suggestion on how to change the last couple of lines (i don't know if you've already done that) but to me i find it perfect. Reading this, reminded me of those lazy evening talks with a close pal when you're trapped in twilight. You style of writing is simple, metaphoric and full of urge. This is a lovely poem once again Eglantine

Posted 2 Years Ago


eglantine

2 Years Ago

Thank you very much, as always :)
I'm in such love with this poem! Your work is wonderful, and you make that abundantly clear in this piece. As for the last line, I think adding a bit of detail such as "slipping away with the steady beat of the drum" or something along those lines.

Posted 2 Years Ago


eglantine

2 Years Ago

Thank you :) I appreciate the feedback.
Another fine poem from a very talented poet. The last line ? Perhaps simply edit out the last two words and leave the line unfinished. A crazy idea maybe. Love the poem.

Posted 2 Years Ago


eglantine

2 Years Ago

Hmm, interesting suggestion--I'll definitely consider it! I've ended a poem mid-sentence like that b.. read more
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...
"I breathe best in water: I trip to much on land" Love that! I can relate to the whole poem. Beautiful :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


perfectly airy and brilliant, I was floating

Posted 2 Years Ago



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Added on May 21, 2015
Last Updated on May 21, 2015

Author

eglantine
eglantine

Somewhere Someplace



About
I graduated with my B.A. in English (emphasis creative writing) My ultimate goal is to be the U.S. Poet Laureate and to be a college professor of poetry. I'm a wildflower with a poetic soul. I'm als.. more..

Writing
Insomnia Insomnia

A Poem by eglantine



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