WHO’S THE BULLY NOW?A Story by Elise Anton I have been musing on an issue... The word bully did not exist when I was growing up. The concept was around I’m sure; anywhere there are kids (or adults for that matter) there’s bound to be a hierarchy forming, and a top-dog rising… Part of human nature, one would assume. I’ve been a
victim of many things but bullied as a youngster - no. Sure there were the
usual cliques; the ‘in’ girls, the ‘bad’ boys, the ‘nerds’ and so forth. Then
again those were the days when as a girl you kept away from certain areas, such
as the boy’s lockers on the ground floor outside the cookery room - a gauntlet
you ran through, risking any amount of teenage-boy hand groping… Today, all those young boys would probably be in therapy or on some mind-altering medication or kicked around schools were they to attempt similar behaviors. Back then we just got on with it. It was part of school-life. Some of those boys went on to become great people, sportsmen, academics, business executives. The girls - none of us suffered any permanent psychological ‘damage’. Today we’d probably be in therapy too I guess… I was
bullied as an adult. By other adults. Social Media has its benefits but has
also given rise to the ‘keyboard-warriors’. I quit all Social Media several
years ago and it has been a blissful time since. I also
taught my boys to use words; use language to overcome the new ‘bullying’ trend,
on and off-line. I showed them the magical power of the word “And?” as a
response to any insult flung their way. There is no come-back to this single
word. One can say it as a response over and over and the ‘bully’ sooner or
later runs out of insults. Quite fun to watch actually. When I
arrived on here about a month ago, I noticed a couple of things: Everyone was
so nice! All the reviews - however ‘bad’ the piece of writing was - were
positive, feel-good accolades. There were moments when I wondered if I’d
somehow found my way into a Mutual Admiration Society disguised as a writer’s
hang-out. Don’t get me
wrong, I’m all for positivity and not tearing people down. But there was a
level of discomfort; I was sensing that this mutual admiration was destructive
rather than constructive, especially for the young and those of all ages just
embarking on the great writing journey. I wrote a piece on mediocrity a while
back, and yeah, I was feeling as though all this niceness everywhere was
promoting and supporting this mediocrity. How is a new
writer to explore, expand, perfect, if their every offering is accompanied by
gushing admiration from the readers? One learns any craft through correcting
mistakes. We call ‘Masters’ those few who have perfected their craft; over a
long period of time and after undergoing any amount of ‘botched’ and
‘butchered’ attempts. Usually the public never sees those, they see the
perfected craft, the ‘Masterpieces’. In this new world of computers and internet and instant connectivity, sites such as these have emerged. On the surface, they seem great - you are afforded the freedom to share your work, to expose it to the world by a mere click of a button. Everyone is a writer; everyone suddenly has the ability and the opportunity to ‘get out there’, mix with like-minded people, exchange offerings. Problem is,
these offerings are often the botched and butchered first attempts, the ones
the world once never saw. None of us here are ‘Masters’, else we’d be sitting
comfy in some place like L.A., sipping a martini poolside, watching the
royalties pour in. I have come
across example after example of extremely poor work, cringe-worthy work. I have
scrolled down and read bullshit after bullshit review, others seeing greatness
where there is none, lauding a creativity that is non-existent. I have seen the
creators of these botched pieces respond with “Awww…” and “:)” and any amount of feel good
acronyms. Everyone
gets rewarded for encouraging this mediocrity. The writers, given time are awarded
a little gold star, like in school. The reviewers in turn, given time, are
awarded their own little thingy. I’ve got a little gold star. Here’s the problem: Is it real? Am I to believe from this that my work merits it? In an environment where EVERYONE is lauded and where reviews have to be over a certain percentage (95% or higher!) to earn the top reviewer thingy, how good is my work REALLY? Not everyone
belongs to this society. I’ve met a few in my brief time here who dare to openly criticize and offer genuine feedback. Some do it nicely,
some are quite brash and ‘in your face’
and some like me, work with new writers behind the scenes, when we spy raw
talent and a willingness to work, to evolve. What I am finding interesting is how people react to outright criticism, to the brashness of a few who say it as they see it. If it is crap, they call it crap. If it needs work, they say it needs work. Somehow, these people are perceived as ‘bullies’; and are hounded down, crushed, bullied so much that this dissuades others from openly speaking their mind. In the end they get banned from the site. The status-quo of mediocrity and feel-good brotherhood is thus maintained. I have to
question here, who the real bullies are. Are they the people who believe in
truth and in honest opinion and in their right to voice this opinion on the
premise that they are helping? Or are
they the emergent warriors, quickly rising to defend the ‘hapless victims’ of
this honesty? Their excuse sits on
the premise that a bad review i.e. a negative review is unwelcome here, as this
is a nurturing, supportive environment. My argument
is that these warriors who spew out bullish and despicable words in defense of
mediocrity ought not to emerge. Life is tough. Young people and new writers
need to learn how to defend themselves, how to take in criticism in whatever
form it arrives and learn from it. On
their own. This builds resilience and generates the need/desire to improve,
perfect their craft. It is partly
the fault of this site, the giving out of all these little thingies on your
profile others see and aspire to gain. I have three now, and I don’t ‘trust’ any of them. I’m getting a
fourth one soon, that of ‘top reviewer’. Honestly? I only review work I feel merits my positive review. The botched
and butchered pieces I leave alone, as I cannot award them low points or speak
sincerely. (More on this later.) So this new thingy coming my way soon is
probably the only one I merit, but it too sits on falsity, because I have been
selective in the work I review. The past few
days, my news-feed has been full of a mix of mutual-admiration and atrocious
bullying. Quite innocently, I stumbled into a situation where the warriors were
on the attack. Defending ‘hapless’ women (including myself) and others who have
fallen prey to ‘honesty’. I’m far from hapless and certainly not in need of any
male(s) coming to my rescue. I took the
criticism aimed my way and turned it into word-play, a glib banter. I rather
enjoyed it. Then again I am older and perhaps significantly more resilient than
some of the budding writers on here. Regardless, what I was reading - I can
only say it took a great amount of self-control not to engage. In hind-sight, I should have engaged, thus this piece. See, I was surrounded by all this admiration I almost fell victim to the mediocrity. I almost joined the ‘Society’, fearing a back-lash, fearing my being banned from this place which despite its issues, still attracts me, still inspires me. I fear for
the new generation overall. I fear for young/new writers the most. I say to you
now, openly ask for criticism. Never
accept praise or feel-good accolades on face-value. Fight. Get out of the
cocoon of niceness and political correctness and see your work for what it is.
Early, botched attempts at a craft many spend a lifetime perfecting and even
then, find they have run out of time. To reviewers and seasoned writers, I say cut the bullshit. Forget that little thingy pushing you to reward where reward is not merited. Help young talent openly or behind the scenes but HELP them. Don’t fear speaking the truth. Truth is good. Criticism is good. Praise is good, when it is merited. Do any of you
honestly KNOW how good your craft
is? Do you believe the false niceties and accolades? Is there a part of you-
like there is in me - which questions the validity of every ‘review’ you
receive? There should be. Here’s the
thing: I had a very early poem sitting unnoticed under the title ‘Spring 2012’.
Uninspiring title, right - but that was how I headed all my work on notebooks
when I was writing out and about. What did I do? I changed the title. Suddenly it became the best thing since sliced bread. It got more reviews than any of my other pieces - some of which are far superior. It became a wagon everyone jumped on and gloriously lauded, trying to outdo each other in praise. My somewhat cynical mind watched with amusement. A background in Sales and Marketing comes in handy sometimes… I played the game, responding with profuse thanks and appreciation in turn. It’s a game. Give nice, receive nice. Do it often enough and you start to believe it’s real. Your work is that good! Is it? Your review is honest and free from the pressure to conform and speak within the PC guidelines! Is it? © 2016 Elise AntonAuthor's Note
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Elise AntonAustraliaAboutHello from downunder! I am one of those people who can just sit and write. It's like breathing for me. I've never shared and never published. It was my thing, my escape, my therapy... I have two so.. more..Writing
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