How it Was For Lexi...

character side to a story i'm hoping to flesh out soon.

  Ok so it began like this. It was my first term at Esterwick Boarding School and I was horribly nervous. I walked through the great double doors into the grand building and was welcomed home. The seas of people surrounding me were to be my new family.

So I was shown to my room where I met my roommate Brooklyn. Admittedly we didn’t hit it off straight away but that didn’t bother me. She did make an honourable effort to get to know me but left our relationship at the stage of awkward small talk and smiles when I struggled to reciprocate. She later introduced me to her friend, Maya. She did so with a reluctance playing in her eyes. I was curious. Maya took an instant interest in me. However much I squirmed at the presence of a new potential friend; she refused to give up on me. This was the first of many things I thought was strange about her, however grateful I was for the company.

Maya told me stories about her old and current friends; she had nothing nice to say. Her words were full of scorn and jealousy and the situations she spoke of quite clearly blown out of proportion. I called it the Maya scale. ‘On a scale of one to Maya how mad are you?’ was the running joke. Then she told me she was ill, she didn’t expand on that. She showed me scars she’d drawn on herself and I was overwhelmed. I didn’t share anything because she made me feel guilty for having concerns other than her. She was exhaustively passive aggressive and enjoyed the spotlight, I could tell that much. It was good like this I suppose. We became best friends. Then one evening she fell apart. She phoned me in hysterical tears telling me she’d done something ‘stupid’. I was out of my depth, I didn’t know what to say or do. She told me something had happened at home, she wouldn’t go further than that which was curious. I asked her if she needed anything and she cut me off. 

That night I didn’t sleep because I was so worried, but the next day she was fine, cheery as ever. It was infuriating and it became a frequent thing. The friends I’d made slowly stopped saying hello to me in the corridors because I didn’t return their messages and stopped going out as much. I was constantly tired and my sanity only stretched far enough to deal with Maya. I was blind at the time but I cared for her, too much for my own good.

 

Overtime I became very lonely, just like her I guess. She told me it was different for me because she was ill and I was not, invalidating my own sickness. It was becoming too much and I was fed up with her scaring me with empty threats that she’d hurt herself if I refused a request. It was becoming sinister and uncomfortable. I didn’t understand then, of course I didn’t. It was hard to feel sympathy for a girl who made you, well, miserable.

I could barely get myself out of bed and Brook noticed this. She became increasingly concerned despite us not being close. She seemed to know what was going on. She told me her own experience feeling the only way to escape the horrid cycle of Maya Grayson was to direct her toward somebody else, that someone being me. She said that she was sorry and that she’d hoped I could help Maya become more empathetic. She thought we’d be able to help each other. I trusted Brook, eventually. We needed to act. Brook warned me that I could not let Maya control my life anymore. She told me her threats are empty and only once has she ever put herself in hospital for a stand Brook made. I knew Maya needed help but Brook was right, it wasn’t my concern especially if it was bringing me down to a dangerous level along with her. I asked for Brook’s help to intervene.

I spent a few days with Brook and her friends avoiding Maya. She soon called me over and demanded I tell her what was going on. Sticking to the plan I told her how I felt, how she wasn’t really much of a friend to me. Refusing to listen she turned it around; she said she felt betrayed that I’d go to Brook about this. She told me she’d trusted me with her life and I was going to have to work to get that trust back. I was furious that she refused to hear what I was saying. I walked towards the entrance to the room. She turned to me and said that if I leave, that was it. She told me she’d write a letter, informing those who care that I pushed her to do it, that I treated her so badly she had no choice. I told her I was done with her bullshit and left. How could I think anything of it? She was insane and I didn’t have much sanity left myself.

The next morning I called her hoping she’d act as if nothing happened. The more I thought about the encounter the guiltier I felt. She didn’t answer her phone but I wasn’t concerned just yet. I made my way towards her dorm to ask her to have breakfast with me. I entered an empty room and closed the door behind me to investigate. By now I was worried, well, a part of me thought she might be hiding to teach me a lesson but by now I wasn’t easily fooled. Kelsey, her roommate entered informing me that Maya wasn’t in her bed in the evening. She’d gone and nobody knew where. I thought the worst.

Running to our spot in town I tried to think like her, tried to get inside her head. She’d always said to me that if she were to die, nobody would ever know how and there’d be no trace of her; she’d disappear. She always said it with a smile so of course like most things she said I didn’t take it literally. I needed to do some digging into her background and I needed to find out the truth about her family, not the bullshit she had already told me. I found that her mother was severely mentally ill and in an asylum, receiving treatment for paranoid schizophrenia. I came up with a theory that she’d been neglected, her mother was too ill and confused to look after her properly and this had affected her. By watching her mother’s actions she learnt mannerisms that affect her and others negatively. Only difference between her and her mother was that Maya wasn’t getting help. I was a wreck so the next thing to do was to go to the headmistresses’ office to report her missing. I got her to phone the police after telling her what I knew. I didn’t tell her about our fight, I already blamed myself enough and if anything had happened to her I knew it would haunt me for the rest of my life. Was that not punishment enough? Maya knew this would make me regret ever crossing her but even still I knew that wouldn’t satisfy her. It was then I realized she probably wasn’t dead, she was crying out for help.

Search teams were sent to look for her and I helped, I knew her best; even better now. I remembered a forest walk we once went on and how she’ marveled over the beauty, saying how wonderful it would be to make a home here away from everyone. I went alone, not wanting to scare her if she was there, after hours I found her. She was injured and delirious but I was so relived I grabbed her tightly and hugged her until she fought me off. I called help and she was taken to hospital for tests. She was in a state, but she was alive. I was so afraid she’d taken all chance of hope away from herself with the finality of death but she was ok. I know now that there’s hope for anybody so long as someone has faith in them. My faith in Maya Grayson is still alive and well, as is she. For that I am eternally grateful.

 

 

Author's Note

my planning process - let me know what you think!

Reviews

[Confuser]

E.L.: With a few tweaks here & there, you'll have fantastic short story. I thought it was very good, it was written in such a way, you kept compelled me to continue reading, wondering what was going to happen next. That type of isolation and control happens quickly without someone realizing what's going on, and it's very sad. The content, theme and characters are interesting. You are very talented and look forward to reading the final draft. Thanks so very much. Dale

[E.L. Debbage]

Thank you so much that means a lot. I've actually now edited it quite a bit and changed the ending quite drastically but I think I prefer it. do you think it has potential to be a full length story? that was my original plan :)

[Confuser]

Absolutely: Wow, that was QUICK; FOR now, let me ponder this intriguing story. I have to turn back time, and think of someone without life experience; but it's good; I loved the change in fonts. She lives!!! Yahoo....

[E.L. Debbage]

Yes, I thought it seemed a more optimistic ending to have her live. It felt right. Thank you for reading :--)

[Confuser]

My pleasure!!

[Confuser]

Think it's been done -- wanted to re-read, thought "it could be all in HER MIND; paranoid schizophrenia shows up in many kids when they leave home & begin college; looking in the woods; she's alone, the scars are hers....silly thought....anyway. Wonderful story!

[E.L. Debbage]

its funny actually I was pondering a similar idea just yesterday but wasn't quite certain of how it would come together. It would definitely be an interesting twist! Thank you again for sharing your thoughts :) I do wish I had come up with exactly that myself.

[Confuser]

No worries; it's good as it is....d

[Coyote Poetry]

You could built on the story. Go to the places and described the how, who, when, when and why of the situation. You stated experiences and sickness. Could expand this and the nightmares. I liked the story. You tempted the reader with the unknown. Thank you for sharing the outstanding story.
Coyote