The Day That We Two Died

 

The day I tried to live

You brought me down

To earth

 

The day I tried to live

You linked and chained me

To this hearth

 

The day I tried to live

You stabbed me

With a knife

 

The day I tried to live

You took away

My life

 

The day I tried to live

You nailed me

 To the floor

 

The day I tried to live

I wasn’t living

Any more

 

The day I tried to live

Only ashes

Left behind

 

The day I tried to live

You were

The clearest in my mind

 

The day I tried to live

You were

Falling apart

 

The day I tried to live

You puncture

My heart

 

The day I tried to live

You were sure

It had to be with you

 

The day I tried to live

You questioned if

I knew what you were going through

 

The day I tried to live

I had already

Told you good bye

 

The day I tried to live

Was the day

That we two died

Author's Note

what do you think?

Reviews

[A]

WOW! Intense, very good poem! I also love the layout...very captivating all around. Great poem :)

[Ravenskald]

outstanding
the rhythym has picked up last time I looked
great work

R

[Nik Dendera]

Interesting layout, first thing that comes to mind.

This is straight to the point, no words wasted over petty emotions. Its brutally honest and 'in yer face'. Really, really well written, snappy and full of pizazz.

Excellent piece!

[bhupi jethwa]

beautiful imagery!! i like the short point blank feelings flowing and speaking to me,like as if it were caressing the shores of my heart!! onelove....

[QuietPoet]

I loved this! So much hurt and pain though. But it was so great. I loved how you created it. I thought it was really great.

[nocturnalbeast]

WHOA!. That was awesomeness!!! Very emotional!. Really real. >>>I felt your words.!!!

[C.J.]

wooo very nice now im unsure about this contest a very good pice of work its ganna be hard to beat! good job:)

[shinybluestars03]

Wow very emotional poem
I enjoyed it very much all the
moments we go through to try n live
but in the end we question was it worth so much pain
to be with that person?
Thanks for sharing

Best wishes