Biggy and Bugga

A goat, prim and priggy

(To all known as Biggy),

Was wed to a piggy

Named Bugga Coshu.

 

Three years they lived duly,

Their love expressed truly,

Then matters unruly

Between the two grew.

 

Oinked Bugga to Biggy:

‘The years you spent triggy

And being a priggy

Have made you too-too.

 

You preen your beard daily

And often shout gaily:

By Gumbo Gumbaily!

Prinstine through and through!

 

Obsessed being triggy,

You don’t care a figgy

For this little piggy

Who wees, for she’s blue.’

 

To that Biggy, seated,

Lethargically bleated:

‘I may be conceited,

But I am still true.

 

You neither are humble:

You now often grumble

Some jumbled up mumble

Of which I’ve no clue.

 

By morning, you’re cheery,

By afternoon dreary,

By evening, you’re eerie,

By night, you’re a shrew!’

 

And Bugga, eyes narrowed,

Oinked, feeling quite harrowed:

‘I still haven’t farrowed

Kidiglets from you!

 

You used to dance jiggies,

 Depict me with twiggies,

And pick me nice spriggies

Stained with honeydew.

 

You still were a priggy,

Now that’s grown worse, Biggy.

Be more like Calliggy!

You’re best if you do!’

 

And Biggy, astounded

And deeply confounded

By what was propounded

By Bugga cried: ‘Who?’

 

‘Calliggy Mandiggy!

Remember him, Biggy?

My first love. The piggy

Who had a tattoo.’

 

‘Ah, yes! I remember

That day late-December

When they did dismember

That pig for a stew.

 

You, then, did amuse me,

But now you confuse me.

Now, if you excuse me,

I need to go poo.’

 

‘Why, now you’re ungracious,’

Oinked Bugga, ‘vexatious,

And so ostentatious,

You’re not who I knew.’

 

And Biggy responded,

Not even desponded:

‘Whatever had bonded

Us now lost its glue.

 

For, Bugga, I’ve lately

Found things have changed greatly,

Thus I now irately

Our marriage day rue.

 

So stop all this drivel,

And don’t start to snivel.

Just deeply breathe, swivel,

And go hug a ewe!’

 

Thus Biggy, displaying

A smirk so dismaying,

No further delaying,

Divorced Bugga Coshu.

-EDP

Reviews

[Ana Papaya]

this was the funnest relationship gone sour poem i have read in some time :)

[emipoemi]

I'm glad!! It was so much fun to write! Thanks for reading.

[Ana Papaya]

: ) you are welcome