hannah's story

One day a girl named Hannah and some friends thought it would be fun to go for a walk in the woods after curfew. Well what Hannah didn't know was that her so called friends were planing to take her to the woods and kill her. As they were walking through the woods they pushed her down and found a tree branch near by and her her in the head with it.Hannah was knocked out cold so they drug her body to a stream they had seen on the way through the woods.The kids through her limp body in to the water and watched it flow down the stream. The kids ran away. Years later kids decided to go to the police and tell there horror story they did and each of them of sent to death row and then a month later they found poor Hannah's mangled body lying in the seaweed finally Hannah got the peace she deserved.  

Author's Note

REVIEW

Reviews

[LoopyLoo]

Whoa. Freaky. My friend Hannah read this and got a bit freaked out

[Laranda]

I think we definitely get the sad feel from this.

[Jane Doe]

Ouch:( lolo tooo many bbies but im with abbie on this maybe a bit more details but i love it just a few bits added here and there or even descriptions of the body or branch or hannah and her friends or their eyes! i love eyes their awesome! they help me see my baby lolz!

[0_o Abbie]

If you're trying to make a sad story there has to be people in it, not just a bunch of characters. Like you could totally but in a lover that was torn apart when she was killed, even making him a detective that finds her body. He could even commit suicide at the end... Or she could have family and maybe one of her relatives was behind the murder... Who knows??? Anyways this was just a fact by fact of what happened, it didn't pull at any of my heart strings what-so-ever.

[Silvario]

yea glad i dont have friends like that ... i hope _>

yes, a sad and dramatic tale. but as Telephone Boxes mentioned, its just a tale as of yet. more of a synopsis for what could become an interesting mystery story. would be fun thinking up personalities for each of the characters involved and thinking up motivations and how they might attempt to hide the murder and the tension between them after they dump her body and time passes and so on and so on. not to mention describing how they got caught and how the detectives figured it out. mysteries are fun :)

and yes also a few technical errors, but no biggie.

so, yea. a nice synopsis. would love to see some elaboration on it =)

[Elmo!!]

Hannah is my name lol but that is a sad story i couldnt imagine if that was me !!!!

[halflives]

Wow. Those are some nice friends. Nice plot line, but it needs a bit of editing and maybe a bit longer? Just suggesting. And you need to build up characters more. This is just a tale. It's not a story yet.