Three Little Words

wrote this for a contest. the story just popped into my head when I saw the contests title

                The most important words that had never managed to escape my lips in that time of dire sorrow. Three basic words that held a life altering meaning no matter in what context they were used. Regret is a burdensome weight to carry through your life, one that shouldn’t be able to crumble your bliss into fine dust, yet it is. Three little words I will never get to say to the one person above all others I love. Three words I planned on finally saying today.

                I looked into his bright green eyes, gleaming with pure contentment. The way he looked at me was unlike any anyone could ever begin to imitate; it was as if I was the only person he could see, the only person whose words held any bearing to him. He was the stereotypical “bad boy,” and my family had been wary about me seeing him in the start but I knew him on a different level. He was a sweetheart beneath the rugged image he portrayed, he was my man and I was his girl. He treated me better then he treated himself, always striving to keep our relationship alive although it seemed we hardly had to try.

                “Are you ready?” He asked in anxious anticipation. He stood with the door held open, the cool morning air creeping inside.

                I sucked in a lungful of air smelling of fresh dew and morning mist, “I’m ready.” My heart thrummed rapidly in my chest, threatening to burst from my body but when he grabbed my hand in his own, my anxiety dimmed. His skin was warm and soft against mine, he was the comfort I needed and I was his.

               

                We left our quaint home behind us, not looking back and climbed into the car that sat waiting for us idling on the curb. I glanced sideways at my husband and tried to flash a weak smile without much success. He gave my hand a reassuring  squeeze; a silent reminder he would always be there.

 

                We had our fights as every couple surely does, we rode the uneasy rollercoaster of ups and downs but nothing was ever able to blind us from our love for each other for more than a few minutes afterward. Together we faced some hard times, made it through situations life throws at you only with the strength of our bond.  Together we had created something beautiful, something so precious. We created a child, a baby.

                The hospital had been chaotic, the labour lasting twelve and a half exhausting hours but when I heard that first cry, that first infantile whimper my heart had crumbled. The doctor handed me my new baby boy wrapped in a warm receiving blanket and my husband counted his tiny fingers and toes. We cried together, we laughed and kissed our babies soft head in a moment of pure bliss. It hardly seemed real, to feel such love for something so new. It was the best moment of our lives.

                The drive was quick; already we had arrived at our destination. My husband thanked the driver and I took a deep breath before abandoning the car. We walked hand in hand to the large building littered with cars and socializing people. Greeting each other with gentle smiles and warm, overdue hugs.

                We approached the front doors, being stopped by friends and family dressed in fine clothing to say hello and stepped inside the dimly lit vestibule. Music played inside, one of my husband and I’s favourite song and we made our way to the front of the room, with all eyes following.

                I thought back to our wedding night, a bright airy church unlike this one, we had walked up the aisle as we just had only with our parents at our sides instead. The cheery music had welcomed us to the podium, music so very different from what was playing now. Tears had smudged my professionally done makeup when I looked at my husband, just as now; my mascara began to dampen with freshly forming tears when I looked at him now.

                The priest approached the podium and addressed the people stuffed stiffly inside the pews and the tears I had been struggling to burry erupted down my pink, ashen cheeks. My husband wrapped his protective arm around me, his own ‘bad boy’ eyes moist.

                “Today we remember someone who had an impact on everyone he encountered someone who you never saw without a smile on his face. Today we remember Landon Parks.”

                My little boy, our precious child we cared for more than our own selves had fallen gravely ill a year after his long birth. I remember his ever constant fever, the vomiting, the wailing he made when you touched his abdomen. The doctor had said pancreatic cancer. The words barely made it through my skull and I almost believed I had dreamt the whole thing until the pain spread to his neck and back. He lost weight because he couldn’t digest his food, his skin and eyes turned a yellowy shade and he succumbed to the malnourishment.

                The sorrow filled church, a sea of black filling the rows of pews seemed to close in on me, I felt like I was suffocating and my silent sobs chocked out my breath.

                His death had come suddenly. One day he would smile at us, talk and laugh, the next he would moan, cry, scream. I hadn’t been able to say those three little words to him when he died. I couldn’t let my baby know how much I loved him, how much he meant to us and how great he was. I couldn’t say those words because I wasn’t there when he died. Countless days I spent curled up in that uncomfortable hospital chair by his bed, listening to his laboured breath. I would have stayed every day, every night if I could have.  I went home to shower, to give my husband and him some time alone. My son had been awake that day, lively and alert so I hadn’t felt as hesitant in leaving for an hour. He died. I didn’t see him, didn’t say goodbye or kiss his forehead. My heart broke and I collapsed to the floor, screaming at the top of my lungs when my husband called to tell me. Landon had been alert. I didn’t understand. He had fallen asleep and never woke up. My baby was dead. Three little words that hold so much power, three little words I wished I could have said. Three little words that caused so much future regret and despair. The power of words is unfathomable.

                The priest called on me and once I made it to the podium and wiped my face unsuccessfully, I looked to the picture of my baby boy and whispered in a shaky voice “I love you.”

 

Reviews

[angelina neves]

so very sad and touching...
and you know, more important then "saying" is "acting" and if you give love, all those to whom you give will need no words, they know...
there are people that say the words all the timeand they are just faking, and special children will always know they are faking...
hugs

[lawrence bear]

this was emotional and moving. This is a fine piece.

[Aldora Sparrow]

Beautiful words that carry the piercing power of reality. Very beautiful and deeply touching. I think every girl, woman, mother can understand even though we may never really experience it. Very admirable and enthralling and made me cry.

Thank you for your submission and best of luck to you!

[ChristianM]

Very beautiful and sad. You have an amazing talent of having the reader sympathize greatly with your characters. I'm still trying to achieve this, and through reading this, have come one step closer to understanding it.
Thank You