two years

love is eating away at me

two years

 

Two years my feelings have been hiding,

Even from you the light of my eyes.

Hiding inside my heart and growing,

Eating away at me and drinking the times.

 

I’m afraid of love even if it’s in my arms,

But it grew right before my eyes.

I want to give love to whom my heart loves,

And ease the pain that a lover feels.

 

I built a home of love but it was torn,

You erased the love inside of me.

And Happiness was killed before it’s born,

A dream had slipped away somewhere I can’t see.

 

Come back to a loving heart what keeps you away?

My heart is on fire and distance burns me.

Two years keeping the love inside locked away,

Even from you my love who I whish would love me.

 

Author's Note

what do you think? you like? any reviews are welcomed!

Reviews

[Naomi Montana Walsh]

Reminds me of a place where you fear the answer it is better to believe love is possible with someone then to confess and find it is not..I know the feeling..but confession is also freedom.

[Su' Nacnetaf]

Poignant and beautiful, but not too much in the first two stanzas in my opinion, I liked the last two stanzas better. Great poem nevertheless and I quite enjoyed reading it. Great writing.

[AK]

I like.
If I may suggest... don't necessarily try to force the rhyme. In fact, just let it go sometimes. Free verse is incredibly powerful. And remember, often "less is more" when writing about affairs of the heart
You have a talent here, hone it. Study the styles of others and experiment a bit. And above all, have fun but write with your heart.

Please take a look at this piece from my favorite writer here, J.
http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/Jill%20Martin/469155/ (I can't get the code to stick so cut and paste the link)

This lady can encircle your very soul with just a few lines. How she does it I'll never know. And there are many others here who do the same using their own unique style.

Nurture the gift within you!

[Chris T.]

I got a ton of emotion and hurt out the initial reading. You certainly set the tone right out of the gate and didn't let up.
As far as constructive feedback is concerned, I wonder if the imagery could be more visceral in some spots. For example, the two lines "Afraid of love.../it grew right before my eyes..." They are powerful already, but I'd be curious to see how you can manipulate them even more. Afraid of love HOW? Love grew HOW? Just something to consider.

Certainly a meaningful piece. Made me a little sad. Not an easy feat :

[LeeLee Ryder]

KILLER 1ST VERSE... LOVE EATS & DRINKS is such a tasty image but a sad one too ...unrequited love is a beotch... I especially loved THE 3RD VERSE. IT PAINTED AN ELOQUENT PICTURE of how love can kill/erase our dream of love .... Overall, it was heart-wrenching and sure made me feel your pain.. Good job!
Thanks for sharing...
LeeLee (Friend of Jess from KY)

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful and sad poem. When we hide those demons. They come out sooner or later.
Coyote

[alan khan]

its full of emotion that you put across really well. great job.

[Undying Glory]

nice work...it's really heartfelt and sad but still sweet...good job