Time heals

poem

Time heals

I dance under the rain
Like a kid once again
Raindrops stop so suddenly
So time heals occasionally

Don't forget a love you lived
Even if your feelings are mixed
If thorns hurt you by remembrance
Then roses gave you a beautiful fragrance

Look at the bond between your eyes
They sleep & cry together through the times
Although they never ever meet
Somehow together they are complete

That should always be you and I
Dont believe your delusional lie
Time heals broken hearts
And now our new beginning starts

Reviews

[Patches I'm not so new..]

I really really like this the last two strophes are tio say the least OUTSTANDING!

[deadly healer]

nice.

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

i enjoyed reading this
Great Job

[Broken Soul]

I think this is written fairly well although I think the second stanza (in particular) could be brushed upon a little bit. I did not get the feel that the rhymes were forced as I felt the flow was pretty well but could just be polished up a bit. Disregarding the structure, the story from within this piece told is a very emotional one that I thank you for sharing. Definitely a fine piece of writing that could use just a few tweaks, I did like it and look forward to reading more of your writing. --Broken Soul

[qaralynn]

great poem..love it

[Keli Renee]

Im kinda agreeing with Mr. Scaggs on this one. The rhyming felt a little forced, and I do think you could have done better. Even taking this into account, I think this was a good poem. Thanks for sending it my way.

[S. W. Scaggs]

Dear Black.Butterfly,

Don't know what I really thought of this but I believe you can do better: well, it's in all nature of poets to aspire to do better. Some of the rhymes feel forced almost or roughly fit, use rhyming dictionaries if you need them. Lol, don't force yourself to rhyme. Rhymezone.com and rhymer.com are both two excellent online rhyming dictionaries. Theme is good, liked the overall message but found that it lacked... maybe it's repetition. Time doesn't always heal broken hearts, it sometimes scars them like scar tissue. :P Flow is good, rhyme felt a little forced, rhythm is good except for the fourth stanza felt a little off. Remove redundant words like in the third stanza, "never ever" isn't really needed. Replace things like "&." Now those latter two parts are my opinions because every writer has a different style. But be yourself and excel at who you are. Thank you for adding me as a friend and may you be well blessed. 8.3/10.

Sincerely,
S. W. Scaggs

[Krista]

It is a beautiful poem. I loved it honestly. You really did a wonderful job and I agree with most of what you said. Time can heal if given a chance to do so. Sadly not everyone does give time a chance to heal.

[Undying Glory]

wow. it's really great...simple and yet elegant. excellent

[Naomi Montana Walsh]

I dance under the rain
Like a kid once again
Raindrops stop so suddenly
So time heals occasionally
:::::indeed it does..everything happens once in awhile , just never know..maybe that is a good thing..we wait for the surprize.