The man with no face

Prologue

     The foggy view peeked from a pair of eyes, not that they were there. A man traced his face with what seemed to be two hands. A blade-like long nose, which used to center that face, was missing. He went on studying his own face, it was like a white board, untouched and lacking. He was a mass of flesh; his hands were inseparable long circular forms, coated with a strange, shimmering, wet and light-soaked velvet skin. He stood on his feet, nameless, faceless, and confused.

     How come he could see with no eyes? How come he knew this skin is not his? All what seemed real to him, was not what he perceived with his awareness, but that far-off memory in the back of his mind, blurry and barely there.

 

Author's Note

Hey, its been a while since i wrote anything so i thought of writing this prologue. So read, evaluate and enjoy. Reviews are welcomed though.

Reviews

I disagree with the most blunt reviewer below.
This write has quite a lot of potential, and I absolutely love the detail you use.
It's been a very long while since I've said this: I want to read more.

[Tate Morgan]

This one totally has me stumped as I cannot find the context for which It was written

[Manda]

nice

[AJChallenger]

The people that commented below are inexperienced and wrong. This is two paragraphs. It's not a story, it's not a prologue. There is little to no developement of any kid, we only see a face. To be honest, this isn't good.

Don't ask questions like you do in the second line unless we KNOW a character (the narrator) is asking this to themself. Also don't say "How come?" Why is much, much better. It also has a flow that the five-year-old sounding "how come" does not.


Go back and do this again. Set a scene, develope your characters. Show us, don't tell us, what's happening. Have someone notice he sees with no eyes, have someone comment on the lack of a nose. Have the character stumble around confused, don't tell us this. For god's sake don't give us a paragraph describing the character. It' boring and inexperienced. Weed that stuff in, slowly.

You're a girl, it's kind of like that old saying "leave something to the imagination." If you f**k him on the first date what does he have to come back for? Kiss him, but don't go all the way. Same with writing. Give us a few details about a person, then move on to the scene and some dialogue. Go back and have someone say "Hey man, wtf happened to your nose?" (don't actually use wtf). See what I'm saying?

[Anicca]

This was such an utterly fantastic yet strange read. I really liked it and wish I could be inside your head for just a few moments to see how it all plans out.

[Coyote Poetry]

A very interesting start. You have many directions you can go with this story. I like the character already.
Coyote

[H-Jonesy]

i like this, it has so many questions that i hope you answer. very good

[jeff hackworth]

it seems like a poem to me