Hatred and Pride

poem

Hatred and Pride

 

Flaming eyes, a rising revulsion,

Feels like vomit aching my throat.

Burning breath through narrow sky,

Closing in and scorching my lungs.

 

Dark memories, calling out

To a pillar of hatred;

A grip holding up my heart,

Exalted above the flames.

 

Black lava tears, boiling my skin,

Pouring into my veins and sizzling.

My trembling lips, refusing to scream,

They swallow the pain inside.

 

Piercing eyes are flashing a newborn anger.

Their pictures are burnt to ashes,

For one day, they shall return to earth,

Suffer and burn slowly in silence.

Author's Note

reviews are welcomed~

Reviews

[José Humilde]

Fantastic imagery. I would have to say my favorite part is about the black lava tears. I don't know if that is mean't to be mascara (ruining of the make-up when you cry) but that's how I took it. I lived it, and found it fresh! :)

Hatred and Pride are two very intense feelings!

Thanks for sharing!

-JH

[Havatara]

I like the description in this, but it sounded kind of wrong, almost. Forced. It was still good, better than I could have done. I especially liked the third stanza. Keep writing!

[Su' Nacnetaf]

If not for the "refusing to scream" line, I would say this piece is more about hatred than pride. Excellent writing, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

I liked the concept of this piece a lot and how you have managed to elaborate it, loved it!

[*Evelen*]

Wow this is so intense and the imagery is amazing Loved it. Well done

[Vin]

I thought this was really good! I loved the imagery and the intense description you kept going all the way through. I especially loved
"A grip holding up my heart,
Exalted above the flames."
and
"Piercing eyes are flashing a newborn anger."
Amazing! Thanks for sharing!

-Beth

I agree with Arra concerning the first stanza, 'skies' would work much better.

You had a strong beginning, which held through out the piece, your choice of words and how you use them are stunning and very strong.

[alesuriko]

Good use of decay and suffering. The description is vivid but it almost feels too forced. In the first stanza, I hope you don't mind if I make a suggestion, but it sounds like the line would flow better with you made "sky" into "skies." I really liked the first three lines the most. Good opening, descriptive and bitter.

[FlawedByDesign]

Beautiful imagery in this piece. I especially like,
"Black lava tears, boiling my skin"; the tears must be overcome by sadness to a point where they corrode anything they touch. That is some extravagant pain.

Nicely done.

Physical pain is finite, but emotional suffering can last forever if kept unchecked. It can reduce us to nothing but an insane lump of what used to be a person...

The imagery in this is fantastic, using heat to describe emotional pain. It takes a unique mind to come p with such fantastic work, and you my friend have it!