Something is wrong

Something is wrong

A Poem by black.butterfly
"

poem

"
Something is wrong

When you said your goodbyes
without looking me in the eyes,
my pride had to play along.
So ofcourse, something was wrong.

I wished faith could carry me away,
that by love hearts could sway,
but it wasn't where i should belong.
Something was awfully wrong.

Then It didn't matter who was who,
even when it was me and you.
I learned how to be strong
and yet something was just wrong.

Three years of doing this and that,
yet in every place i set at,
I clench when i hear our song.
Something is still wrong.


© 2010 black.butterfly



Author's Note

black.butterfly
reviews are welcomed

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this is so beautifully done..certainly something is wrong when its goodbye
even if i try to stand my place and take what may come
even if i stay strong and never waver,something is wrong
when i sit and think of whats past..when i hear the song
sweet music where i used to belong ,always knew something was wrong
so beautiful writing..full of sweet longing even if something was all wrong
lovely write..

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

what is right?

Posted 4 Years Ago


Nice job! Xd

Posted 5 Years Ago


loved the rythem of the piece the message wasn't bad either this iswell written and vivid poem I enjoyed the read!

Posted 6 Years Ago


A lovely poem and the rythme carries gracefully, accenting your Rhyme. A step away and the dance arrives... in Cadence. This no never a critisizm, a point to the great whirling dance of poetry. The timing and arrival of the flavour of poetic diction, its meter of versification... to come to a sharp or quiet ebb and flow... smooth or brutal. As I do hear the music here, (smile)
[I clench when i hear our song. ---- Something is still wrong.]

This piece so close, as there is in some Poets. A reliance in structure of Rhyme, to arrive at the ending of the composed measure of the line. Hense, the whole continuing stanza relies on that Rythme. There is a whole element in poetry that isnt about rhyme, but in the placing of consonants and vowels. It is the half that brings to the dance, cadence measure, sublties in the movement. Close, to writing lyrics.

When read in performance, the read sings its contours. It's rise and fall, is those understanding which parts of the chosen wordage has hard or soft phrasing. Now combine those Rhythmic elements like creating a spell. Conjure the Rhyme. Harmony, is the result and the sound passing the ear is so pleased. We soar, if the poems holds significant meaning... it become immortal. Such is the bliss to be captured, by the throws of ART...

Posted 7 Years Ago


Beautiful !! there's a typo "ofcourse" but I don't mind it .. no poem has to be perfect !!
still I really wish this was longer !!

Posted 7 Years Ago


I loved the message of this poem and the way you used your words. There were some grammatical things that need to be edited, but they weren't big. Good job and keep writing.

Posted 7 Years Ago


I like the reinforcing statement of "something is wrong" at the end of each stanza. it helps to burn the story and the message, you're trying to get across, into the mind of the reader.

The rhyming couplets complement the piece quite well.

Well done.

Posted 7 Years Ago


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r
I love this poem, it's amazingly beautiful. I love the last stanza the most: "Three years of doing this and that,///yet in every place i set at,///I clench when i hear our song.///Something is still wrong." It's a sorrowed and amazing poem. :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I specially liked the first stanza, pretty and somewhat sad.

Posted 7 Years Ago


:-) the complexity of human relationships captured in four stanzas. :-) *sigh

Posted 7 Years Ago



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Added on July 24, 2010
Last Updated on July 24, 2010
Tags: poem, life

Author

black.butterfly
black.butterfly

somewhere in this world



About
Hey, You can call me ean, I'm 24 years old girl. A little mind taking in the world and putting it down into words; every thought, every wonder---are all just fascinating in their own way. My fa.. more..

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A Poem by black.butterfly



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