WHEN I WAS YOU'RE MAN!

I got the title and the ending of Bruno Mars, as you will see. Its an amazing song, with an amazing meaning, i was inspired by that song, so i had to write this poem :)

Your always on my mind, 

my heart wont let you go.

If i could hit rewind, 

I swear i'd let you know....

I would let you know, 

Just how beautiful you are.

I would tell you i believe in you everyday

I would show you this in every way. 

I would write you poems

and letters expressing my love.

Every day, i have you in my life, 

I will thank the heavens above. 

You deserved more then how you were treated, 

Now im the one whos down and defeated. 

Because you have moved on to another man, 

Who treats you the way i didn't but can. 

Its now to late for my second chance,  

Your with him and he makes you smile.

So I sit and dream of one last dance. 

You haven't been this happy, in a long while.

So I hope he buys you flowers, i hope he holds your hand, 

Gives you all hes hours while he has the chance. 

Takes you to every party, i remember how you love to dance.

DO ALL THE THINGS I SHOULD HAVE DONE, WHEN I WAS YOUR MAN!

Reviews

[Eric Pudalov]

Hey cimmy! First of all, pleased to meet you, and thank you for your sweet comment on the Arzel poem. And onto your work...this is the first poem of yours that I've read, and I do like it. I can tell that it's from the heart, and I can feel that your emotions here are really genuine.

Because I like to help my fellow writers, I'd like to offer a few technical critiques. This may sound nitpicky, but it's only intended to be constructive! In the first line, it says "Your always on my mind," but it should be "You're." And in line 2, it says "wont," but I assume you meant "won't."

Then, in the 4th verse, where it says, "You deserved more then how you were treated," "then" should be "than." And in the following line, "Now im the one whos down and defeated," I think "im" should be "I'm," and "whos" should read "who's."

In the 5th verse, line 1, where it says, "Its now to late for my second chance," it should say "It's now too late," and in the next line, "Your" should be "you're." And finally, in the last verse, where it says, "Gives you all hes hours," I think it should say "Gives you all his hours."

As I said before, I probably sound like an English teacher, but it's only because I want to support my fellow poets, and I'm only taking the time to do so because I like the poem overall. I enjoyed reading it, nonetheless, and I'd love to read more of your work soon!

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Thank you for the long review, even though most of it was just corrections lol. I will fix it up when i get the time.
Im glad you liked my poem over all :) I appreciate your help.
Your welcome was a beautiful piece.
Thanks again for the review :)

[Eric Pudalov]

You're very welcome!! I'm kind of a grammar Nazi, huh? :-P I still did like it, honestly!! :-)

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

lots of people are on here :P
Im glad you enjoyed :)

[Eric Pudalov]

Thanks, that's one of the reasons I'm here; just to get inspired, and to keep writing! And I apologize if I didn't get the deeper meaning of the poem the 1st time around. When you look past the corrections and all, I think it is very touching, even with a twinge of sadness. Relationships are a difficult and emotional thing sometimes, aren't they?? I hope that you are with someone that you love and who appreciates you.

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Yes yes they can be. I am very lucky and my man is quite amazing actually.
Thank you im very glad you took the time to write all these lovely things about my work, Im so glad you liked this piece :)

[Eric Pudalov]

You're welcome! I look forward to reading more as well. (And I must say, I have an amazing woman too...gotta give a shout out to the good people in our lives, right?)

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Yes yes we should :) you are both lucky to have each other. Try not to take each other for granted. Mark and I do that to much sometimes.....

[Alfred Kukitz]

Your regret possessed a bravado that maturity can call home.

Regards,
Al

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Thank you :)

[Nicole Jane Marie]

I agree, the song is one of my favorites! And I really enjoy this piece! It's good to be inspired by something while staying original!

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Yer the song is deep and meaningful :)
Thanks for you're review.

[mark]

this is great sweetheart :)
i enjoyed the storyline to it.
pretty sad story too but its a good one :)
u can write about anything and everything ur sooo talented :)
i love everyone of them gorgeous :) keep it up ur doing great, u gotta try and find somewhere to take them to get looked at :)
good work
i love you hun xxxooo

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Awww thank you hun for you're lovley review :)
Love chu mwa xxxoo

[Blue]

Emotional piece, Cimmy... I was close to tears when I read this. The words are not pretentious and the lines were from the heart.

"If i could hit rewind,
I swear i'd let you know...."
-This set the motion of sadness and regrets.

I like this a lot. And though I'm not a huge fan of Bruno, that song is one of my favorites of his. He's half-Filipino, by the way. Best wishes!

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Awww so glad you liked it hun :)
Awww wow really close to tears?
Yer great song with an amazing meaning :)

[Bowers]

"You deserved more then how you were treated,
Now im the one whos down and defeated.
Because you have moved on to another man,
Who treats you the way i didn't but can. "

To be completely honest with you, these are the best words in a poem that I have EVER read. No lie. seriously. Talk about a sucker punch... lol, they were terrifically effective, and I absolutely love this poem! great job!

p.s.
I dearly love Bruno mars, and the song: "when I was your man" great choice, Im glad it inspired you

p.s.s I love the image to go with this poem!

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Oh wow this review means the world to me.
Thank you so much :)
Yer its an amazing song, its very deep, and filled with emotion :)
Glad you enjoyed :)

[Bowers]

haha your welcome!

[❤ Maggie ❤..]

Ahhskjgasfklg I LOVE that song!!!!!!! Sooo much one of my favorites by him!!! This was so good. It really was. I love every word of it!

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Awwww thank chu Maggie :) What does ahhskjgasfklg mean? haha :P

[❤ Maggie ❤]

Hahaha Idk I was just excited and hit a bunch of keys XD

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

HAHA! your silly :P

[❤ Maggie ❤]

Yeeeaahh :3

[Tina Louise UK]

A beautiful read hun... :) x

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Thank you hun!

[cycy]

wow, lovely poem cimmy and i love that song hey,

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

thank you, yer the song is amazing :)

[Laura Harrison]

Very beautiful and endearing, great job

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Thank you Laura :)