CLUBBING!

CLUBBING!

A Poem by cimmy wuv xxxooo
"

How I feel when out clubbing

"



The lights are flashing, the music is ablaze,

I drink and i drink until im in a daze.

The music is blearing and oh what a beat,

I cant seem to stop moving my feet.


 

A smile creeps onto my face, and my worries fade away,

There gone for tonight, ill save them for another day.

Because the night is still young, and i feel so alive,

I wish the light of a new day would never arive.


 

Bodies on bodies the crowd continues to expand,

the music gets louder, as the crowd demands.

Everybodys drinking and having a blast,

Though the time does seem to fly by so fast.


 

Taking a short rest, I laugh and talk to a good friend,

Due to loud music, some things we struggle to comprehend.

The music is filled with a fire and a passion, that now burns in me aswell,

and by the way im moving to the beat its not that hard to tell.


 

The lights are still flashing, the music still ablaze,

Im now caught in this clubbing craze.

The music is still blearing but oh whats that sound,

I wake to my alarm, and oh my head sure pounds.


 

Last night was a blast, but every good night must come to an end,

Its back to reality, but the next clubbing night is just around the bend.










© 2016 cimmy wuv xxxooo



My Review

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Featured Review

Is this the one I helped inspire you with? If so, it looks like it turned out great! There are a few grammar errors you may wish to address, but other than that I enjoyed this one. I truly got a feel for how much fun you have while you're out and about. Great work :)

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

cimmy wuv xxxooo

11 Months Ago

Thank you Amber :)



Reviews

Ah man, now I want to go party! lol. Loved this one. Nothing like losing yourself to the beat and letting all the daily trepidations go. :)

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

cimmy wuv xxxooo

8 Months Ago

Yes there is nothing quite like it haha.
Thanks for your review :)
take me with you.....lovely piece we can all totally relate especially the next morning bit hahaha

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

cimmy wuv xxxooo

9 Months Ago

Haha :) thanks glad you liked it and can relate
Is this the one I helped inspire you with? If so, it looks like it turned out great! There are a few grammar errors you may wish to address, but other than that I enjoyed this one. I truly got a feel for how much fun you have while you're out and about. Great work :)

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

cimmy wuv xxxooo

11 Months Ago

Thank you Amber :)
While the effort of you writing down this particular experience is commended, I am sorry to say in the rest of the departments you have failed to deliver a punch. You have several spelling errors, some spacing missed, and a lot of punctuation marks not present. Your execution of your idea is cliched. Your need to rhyme every time it is evident. You are forcing your rhymes, the poem lacks rhythm , the flow not present and the structure is anything to me but poetry. Too many words repeated, too many words present, could have been crisper, shorter, better presented. Might I suggest writing this same thing without rhymes, and more showing than telling?
Your language can be simple no need for extensive vocabulary but advisable, to not repeat the same words. The most important element of poetry is a sense of rhythm and no disruption in flow, yours seems too choppy.

Just a friendly suggestion: Always recheck or revise before posting your stuff, take care of errors and punctuation.
Example: There gone for tonight, ill save them for another day.

I will read ill as ill i.e. sick not I'll so you can see how one mark changes the whole meaning of the sentence.

There are many more examples, but this being one of the glaring errors.
Again I commend the attempt of trying to express your experience of a clubbing night, but I am sorry this poem is too lacking in terms of anything else.

P.S. I mean no disrespect or rude to your write up nor am I undermining the efforts you have put in. It's my nature to be blunt and I say things as they are. And apologies if I did sound rude to you.

Posted 11 Months Ago


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This comment has been deleted by this poetry author.
This comment has been deleted by this poetry author.
this captures the experience so well. you can feel yourself there. too bad it has to end. i see you are into the rhyme scheme. Good job.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

cimmy wuv xxxooo

1 Year Ago

Iv never wrote a poem without rhyming haha.
Thanks for the review glad you liked it :)
Beautiful, seem like it is a huge blast going out clubbing. I never been to one so this poem really gave me a sense of it, thanks!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

cimmy wuv xxxooo

1 Year Ago

Thanks for the review. :) if you do go I hope you enjoy your first time :)
I didn't start goi.. read more
While not a club guy myself (never been to one, actually), nor much of a partier, I can appreciate how you describe your experience so passionately. Nicely done, Cimmy

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

cimmy wuv xxxooo

1 Year Ago

Thankz witty :) appreciate your reviews always. Its to bad ur not it can be allot of fun
WittyWonka

1 Year Ago

You're welcome, Cimmy, but I am sure it is for those who like that kind of thing. Loud music and cro.. read more
cimmy wuv xxxooo

1 Year Ago

Lol fair enough :) thanks again
Very good to enjoy life. I liked the words and the photo. Good to dance and be with the good friends. Thank you for sharing the fun poem to read.
Coyote

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

cimmy wuv xxxooo

1 Year Ago

Thankz coyote for your review :)
Coyote Poetry

1 Year Ago

You are welcome.
A beautiful write expressing your joy of clubbing..
I loved it when you said I wish the light of new day would never arrive. This is exactly how one feels when one has a real good time..
Just enjoy the good times and pen more poems for us. Thank you for this write..


Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

cimmy wuv xxxooo

1 Year Ago

Thank you for this review :)
This being the polar opposite of my idea of a good time, it's good to get a clear visual on how it's done & how that feels. There seemed to be an almost throbbing quality to your message, like strobe lights. Good rhyme & interesting rhythm (I see you get a little carried away on the length of some lines, rather than keeping the structure more uniform).

There are a few typos, but I'll only mention the ones that feel like bump for comprehension:
1st stanza/3rd line: "blearing" . . . might be better as "blaring"
2nd stanza/2nd line: "There" should be "they're"

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

cimmy wuv xxxooo

1 Year Ago

Thankz hun your reviews are always appreciated :)

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Added on November 29, 2016
Last Updated on November 29, 2016

Author

cimmy wuv xxxooo
cimmy wuv xxxooo

melbourne, Australia



About
Hey everyone im cimmonne (prounced simone) but everyone i know and love calls me cimmy. I'm unique and different and 100 percent me. I have a passion for writing and i want to share my writing with ev.. more..

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