a lighter sentence

a lighter sentence

A Poem by jacob erin-cilberto


a lighter sentence

 

 

you spat your feelings

at me, like i was your spittoon 

but as some of them missed

the grass turned darkly beleaguered

 

my bare perceptions curled

towards another,

where blades of faith

leaned in a soft heart's direction

 

-----------------

 

while you were ticketed

for your tirade----

a misdemeanor

of ill mannered love

 

i found comfort

in another's sun.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

8/1/15


© 2015 jacob erin-cilberto



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Reviews

Jacob erin-cilberto,
"a lighter sentence" was a lesson for me in allegory or imagery explaining emotion. Maybe more like a parable?
Anyway, "like I was your spittoon..grass beleaguered..bare perceptions curled..towards another.."
Here is where it turns hopeful "blades of faith."
You show one person's loss is another's gain, yours.
"misdemeanor of ill mannered love..I found comfort in another's sun." I just read something that is an excellent example of good old show don't tell. You have nailed it in balance.
good job Jacob!
blessings and thanks for your writing. It teaches and inspires me.
Kathy

Posted 5 Months Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

5 Months Ago

thank you for this review, Kathy---you are very encouraging to this old poet.

j.
Kathy Van Kurin

5 Months Ago

Jacob,
Your writing's honest portrayals of life are encouraging. Old or no; is really part of.. read more
Man, talk about a poem that tells a heartbreaker she ain't, was not, the only fish in the sea ... Except, you have done so in a most beautifully articulate fashion to where your reader's mind is mesmerized within the almost virtual reality setting of that which you speak so cooly, yet, with such profound impacting emotion ... Excellent jab! ...

Posted 6 Months Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

6 Months Ago

thank you for your kind review, Marv.

j.
Always turn toward warmth is some peoples motto. Valentine

Posted 9 Months Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

9 Months Ago

thank you, Kathie,

j.
Great wording, it makes me almost speechless how much I can relate to the content and mood of your poems, even your choice of words seems like copied from my mind sometimes. This one perfectly describes a state of myself, one of my various heartfelt catastrophes leaking every now and then from the chaos of my mind and soul.

Posted 1 Year Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

1 Year Ago

thank you for relating so well to my writing---"catastrophes leaking" ah yes.

j.
Closed

1 Year Ago

Anytime.
...and he laughed all the way to the bank! LOL! I liked this about "ill mannered love". That is a concept lost, now; well mannered love. Very well said and timely.

Posted 2 Years Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

2 Years Ago

thank you for your kind words, Roxie,

j.
I always believed when a woman really loves a man
She just cant be cruel
even if she needs to

so that sun was a fake one

lol

Posted 2 Years Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

2 Years Ago

thank you for your insight, Nisreenaa...

j.
there are some things, when spoken, which leave stains that cannot be removed...fortunately the universe is full of suns and sometimes we are luck enough to find their warmth...

Posted 2 Years Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

2 Years Ago

thank you FT.....that is so true.
One who does not love herself has a tendency to demand it of others. Feel for this poor girl. What poetry is about.

Posted 2 Years Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

2 Years Ago

thank you, Shinsei...
an excellent piece of work felt deeply

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

jacob erin-cilberto

2 Years Ago

thank you for your kind words, Emily,.

j.
jacob erin-cilberto

2 Years Ago

checked out your page...am hoping to see some new work from you, soon.

j.
Emily B

2 Years Ago

Hopefully soon :)
You do certainly know how to turn a phrase--"a misdemeanor/ of ill mannered love" packs a whole lot into a little space. Ditto for the grass becoming "darkly beleaguered"; for a mere thirteen lines, this piece does a whole lot of heavy lifting.

Posted 2 Years Ago


jacob erin-cilberto

2 Years Ago

thank you for your kind review, W.k.

j.

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Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on August 2, 2015
Last Updated on August 2, 2015

Author

jacob erin-cilberto
jacob erin-cilberto

Carbondale, IL



About
Originally from Bronx, NY, I live in Carbondale, Illinois...teach English at two community colleges and have been writing and publishing poetry since 1970. Friending works two ways. If we have had .. more..

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