A kind of Independence, Certainly not Celebrated

A kind of Independence, Certainly not Celebrated

 

 

 

this poem has no title

no words,

no reason to exist

other than to express what i don't know how to express

and to touch the hearts of hearts that are too sensitive to the touch

there is no ending

because i ended it before i began it

there is no you in it

because you left me before i met you

the theme is just a bungled scheme

 

and my dream of poetic notoriety

plunged like riffraff trying to fit between the lines of high society

and i was there to laugh at me

because you weren't there to cry

 

and this poem has no reason to exist

no words

no title

 

no concept of how much i hurt

when i can't put into words

what i can't put into words

 

i just felt a teardrop

was that from you?

are you really there?

 

or did it fall out of the poem

i almost, but didn't quite write.

 

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

7/4/13 

Reviews

[light and ashes]

This is really different. I really like it. It reminds me of me when I want to express my pain to others but can't find the words.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you seem to do quite a good job of finessing the words, Light.
thank you,
j.

[light and ashes]

That's much appreciated, thank you.

[X]

Wow what a creatve write Jacob! Chock full of delicious lines with great punch end! I especially liked..."you left me before I met you...."sad but excellent--aint this the truth alway:)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Kira,
j.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

For someone who cannot write this spilling narrative poem filled with sharp metaphors appears somewhat of an anomaly Jacob. It is filled with such sad regret about love and achievement. Brutal even in its inappropriate self recriminations and another masterclass to all of us in the cafe!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, John,
j.

[andrew mitchell]

Wow! Magical stuff J. Really like the narrative style. I had images of that saying looking outside the box but in this case it was like trying to look back in the box after being locked out. Just had that scenario feel to me. Great poem anyway.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, andrew,
j.

[Kathy Van Kurin]

'A kind of independence, Certainly not celebrated'
Jacob erin-cilberto,
In taking this piece into my mind it felt like the reality of just living. not having answers but the process of finding was set in motion. This poem felt like the need to simply function, to process the daily things, the moments. It felt like the act of pursuing the phrase, the feeling, the images of life and what it's like to put them down on a page. It was like the 'no guarantee of getting it just like it seems it should be but life is for living either way. Loved this one!
Blessings,
Kathy

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you, Kathy....this poem appreciates being revisited after 7 years...
I hope you are well,
j.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Thank you for bringing this one back up, Kathy...
got some more interesting interpretations of it...
after five years.

[Kathy Van Kurin]

Jacob,
I do not tire of your creative and fun take on so many things you think up. Never change! Your process of change through different seasons of life is also delightfully apparent. Love it!
Kathy

[Jane Taylor Hardy]

Your poetry is a joy to read Jacob....thank you for sharing this excellent piece!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Jane.

j.

[Alfred Kukitz]

You are out writing the writer in you. What a tale of scrambled eggs in poetry. I'd offer condolences for your teardrop but I have my own to consider. No I'm not sure if I'm really here.

Regards,
Al

[jacob erin-cilberto]

wow, sorry to hear you have your own, my friend...

but thank you for your words,
read morewow, sorry to hear you have your own, my friend...

but thank you for your words,

j.

[rubie]

A most compelling write....

There's so much here...a road not taken, the desire to be acknowledged when no acknowledgement is forthcoming, and the need to simply look inward for recognition.

These are universal themes, and part and parcel of the human condition, whether we are talking about love, heartbreak or writing poetry. And yet, those 3 are inexorably bound together in the poet's soul

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you so much for giving attention to this write...

j.

[samiha zubair]

It's so nicely written that we shouldn't be too quick in our judgements. We need to see things to feel it, value and appreciate it

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, samiha,

j.

[Lydia Shutter]

The emotions in this one are hard hitting, Jacob. We all dream of "poetic notoriety", but most of us do not achieve it. The most we can hope for is a few nice reviews on the internet. We have fallen between the cracks of high society's sidewalk. Do we have a reason to exist as poets? I would like to think we do. However, I also think your words in this one....which you DID quite write....have a lot to do with a certain someone you wanted to take notice. Heartbreak inspires so much poetry, does it not? Very different write...I liked it. Lydi**

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i would like to think we do too...that this is not all for naught...thank you for your kind words, Lydi.

j.