Paper trails and Semantic illusions

Paper trails and Semantic illusions

 

 

i wanted to write the greatest love poem ever,

but then realized,

i had no subject.

 

it appeared i had been a direct object 

all my life, 

a transitive heart

set upon with adverbial duress...

 

and then i would write with dark adjectives

and foolish interjections

 

i wanted to write the greatest love poem ever,

now i'm just grateful my pen moves at all.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

1/26/16

Reviews

[Rachelle]

Not really amazed :p
Your writing has always forced me to go beyond the metaphor, then ponder over what you meant and reread it with wonder. Thank you for making me dig deep and not accepting things at face value.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Rachelle.
j.

[W.k.kortas]

And dangling participles, even!

Wry stuff which belies an all-too-common heartbreak underneath. Smart and empathetic writing (two great tastes which rarely go together.)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, W.k.

j.

[alifeacoustic]

Wow Jacob. from the start, knowing your subject missing, to the end where gratitude at interjecting the interjections, showing there is still signs of life.
Brilliant.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, alife.
j.

[iand63]

Humour in frustration, feels like one of my 'ah f**k it' moment, this made me smile in recognition J.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your empathetic review my friend.

j.

[paddy d daly]

Jacob, l am glad that even l move at all,
My pen at this moment is badly in need
Of a walking stick, thank God January is
Over, l hope spring will bring some inspiration.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i really like your last post...you always come up with talented work...

but yes, when we feel this...like the pen won't ever walk again...it is a scary feeling.

thank you for your words,
j.

[paddy d daly]

Better days ahead Jacob, p.

[Sheila Kline]

I think of all the crumpled paper hearts in the trash can that give evidence of how many attempts have been made to write the greatest love poem ever. If we take the time to look back and retrieve them we might discover the ink smeared only when the rain hit the can where they were discarded, that they really smelled of roses instead of ??, that maybe, just maybe they weren't quite as bad as we thought at the time. Those dark adjectives were just tucked under the folds of the writing.......perhaps, just perhaps, and the theory of it was just illogical to begin with?
Great poem, description as always!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

"the rain hit the can where they were discarded" damn...your response to this is so poetic...it is better than the poem itself...

thank you my friend.

j.

[Sheila Kline]

And thank you! I couldn't have come up with the line if you hadn't written the poem. Thanks for the inspiration to note ink smeared soggy hearts in a can...LOL

[Lydia Shutter]

I just love poetry that involves figures of speech.....the greatest love story ever.....we all hope to write that, but somehow it has not been written yet. Whose to say a transitive heart can't find its subject? I enjoyed this. Lydi**

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, lydi.
j.

[Coyote Poetry]

You need to find the love poem my friend. I bet you have a thousand plus. I like the poem. When we want to write about love. Hard to find.
"i wanted to write the greatest love poem ever,
now i'm just grateful my pen moves at all."
Can't force words, need some Frankie Vallie songs and the words will fly out. Thank you Jacob for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review...and yes, loved the Four Seasons---especially "walk like a man"
read morethank you for your kind review...and yes, loved the Four Seasons---especially "walk like a man"
have to man up and write that greatest love poem...i think the striving for writing the best poem in general is quite the motivation for us poets...ya think?

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome my friend.

[JayceeC]

J, although you probably meant this as serious, I find myself smiling as I read it. Your use of parts of speech as descriptors, is something a bit unique to you. It sort of screams "Grammar Nerd", but since I can describe every part of speech you used and give examples, I'm not much better. Lol
In all seriousness, the last strophe holds the most meaning to me. How many times do we as writers dream of writing the perfect piece only to find they've fallen short? I'm not really sure if perfection is attainable. When I try to think of the perfect love poem, I can't come up with one. I can think of several I like, butt nor any are perfect. And if you show me someone who claims to have a perfect love, I'll show you someone who is either newly in love or ignore all the work that goes into that love and all its normal moments that are not particularly heat or special.
So instead , you have experienced that others sci not to write about, and perhaps the ability to write some of the best free verse I've had the to read. Jan

[jacob erin-cilberto]

overall my content might be serious but am glad you smiled, because i usually mean for that to happen...what would we do without humor? it has gotten me through all the tough times...i hang onto it dearly...i do a lot of joking in my classroom as well...i don't take myself very seriously, although, especially with teaching, i take what i do seriously....but smiles make life tolerable...

and yes, you caught me! Grammar nerd to the max.

thank you...

j.

[JayceeC]

Then I'm sure you cringe every time I end a sentence with a preposition.... I know better but Texas vernacular gets the better of me...Lol

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Hey, Jan...ending sentences with a preposition is where it's at!
:)))

[ms. barrie]

compelling imagery that lingers in heart's due to its relatable
poignancy...I as well relate to this amazing ink you've penned.
love the title of this one. I thank you for sharing your gifted pen! ~ x - barrie

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you are so kind in your words, thank you, barrie...i surely appreciate your visits...

j.

[ms. barrie]

you're very welcome, jacob...the pleasure was all mine to read (: