a rhyming party of one

a rhyming party of one

 

 

i'm no patsy,

no fool

i won't drool

over you

 

i'll blink once as you pass by

and not look you eye to eye

 

my heart couldn't stand it

if rendered  helpless again

too many bruises

from way back when

 

and then,

and now

i won't allow

 

it to be torn in two

by anyone else, 

but especially you

 

i'm no patsy

no fool

no longer prone

 

but i have to admit i ponder

why i'm up here on this hill

 

alone.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

1/31/16

Reviews

[V]

As in the review below already stated, I sort of wondered at the rhyme scheme, as well but it sounds awesome. Heartfelt one.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

when i rhyme it is only when i am a certain mood...and it just kind of comes out how it does...i don't really go for a particular scheme so i understand if it sounds a bit chaotic...but you said it sounded okay, so i appreciate that, Vanessa...

j.

[V]

I said it sounds awesome not just ok ;)

[Érenn]

Ok one of the first poems I have read of yours that follow a rhyme scheme and it's nice. My interpretation would be being taken for granted, is not something you stand for, and you are very angry,. Yet it seems the love you had for that person still exists in some manner. Visiting a place where you and the person had shared memories before, but you are alone. So the tone in the end for me is that of mixed feelings of sadness a little regret, but not completely losing the train of thought about why you made that certain decision. It was a great read I enjoyed it ^^

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i think you probably have a better grasp of it than i do, Errenn..

thanks so much for your words,
j.

[Érenn]

Your welcome ^^ I just stated what I felt, that's all I do every time ^^

[Gee]

Hmmmm,was gonna say once bitten but I think thrice bitten more apt for you Jacob.(Jeepers you must have some nasty scars.Enjoyed this Jacb,especially as I was able to understand.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Gee.

j.

[DaVoid]

Powerful storywise. A bit too short as verses (for me) but it makes the tempo fast what helps the overall poem communicate anger in some way.

We all ponder why, sometimes.

Thanks for sharing.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your honest review...appreciate that DaVoid...i tend to be in the "less is more" school of thought...but poetic tastes vary much...and i know that too.

j.

[Nisreen]

Being taken for granted
is the worst
yet one cant help but remain
and love a person anyways

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, it is the worst...but it happens all too often...
thank you, RS...
j.

[alifeacoustic]

Haven't seen you rhyming before Jacob, but you certainly nailed this one down. I thought the breaks and pauses were perfectly placed, making it almost start stop at times, just like the life behind the words their self. It's only when at the top of that hill we can fully reflect on how we shield our eyes rom connecting to another's, for fear of the consequences of again.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, i don't do it often...just when it kind of comes to me that way...appreciate your words, alife.

j.

[B. Boileau]

And the eyes in his head... see the world spinning around...
your not alone on that hill my friend. I like seeing a rhyme . It was a pleasant change of your usual brilliance.
bill

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i know, unusual for me to be rhyming simon...but it happens sometimes...thank you for your words, and the smile about the fool...

j.

[Julia Ledo]

I liked that the rhyming pattern varied over the course of the poem. This one was not what I usually expected when reading your works, but it was still of the same caliber. I liked this one a lot, it was very straightforward, you knew exactly what was happening here and I really liked it

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Julia....yes, out of character to rhyme...but it just sort of came to me this way.

j.

[CD Campbell]

I think that no matter how bitter and jaded we are, there is still that hole that has to be filled. There up on that hill we can dream and write and explore and ignore that missing something for as long as possible. Getting burned sure does last a long time. I do like the simple rhymes. CD

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, CD...i am not often a rhymer...

j.

[h d e rushin]

I know you know this, but in Plath's "Daddy" she was intentionally trying not to rhyme but the subject
thrust it upon her. I felt the same here Jacob. That even if the rhyme was rung out of this,
the admission would be the same. When we were both younger, the 'eye' game that people
played between folk who constantly passed in front of one another, was part of the mating
ritual. Now it's just a lot of trouble.

I've been up on that hill for some time now..
At least the view is not so bad......dana

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, yes and yes, dana...:)

i too am on that hill, and am going to stay there...friends allowed...but other intentions...keep them in the valley.

j.