1-A

1-A

 

 

 

stood at attention

as you inspected my heart

 

then accepted your court marshal 

for having scuffed feelings

 

took a shine to you

and smiled,

 

the next morning

received the firing squad

 

but died happy,

because of something worth reflecting

 

even if my shoes were a disgrace

and my eyes felt a bit dilated

 

my most intimate thoughts 

violated,

 

by a love,

drafted without choice

given only muted voice,

 

a volunteer army of emotions

willed into service 

simply by

being near you.

 

 

erin-cilberto

2/13/16

Reviews

[alifeacoustic]

Which all led to the heart being charged with desertion and being absent without leave. Superbly created Jacob, A unique talent.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, alife....i remember a time...so scary...

j.

[Lydia Shutter]

One of the best metaphors you have ever concocted, Jacob! Despondent and desolate feelings.....do we volunteer to love or are we drafted? Now there's something to ponder. I liked this one a lot. Lydi**

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, i really thought i was writing happy here...guess not so...though.read morethank you for your kind words, i really thought i was writing happy here...guess not so...though.
j.

[Lydia Shutter]

You know once the reader gets hold of your words, any interpretation is possible!

[Érenn]

The melancholic tone is definitely present through out the poem, but it carried truth as well. So I truly see what you mean and although I may not experienced it personally, but i have seen a few around me. A very well written poem.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Errenn...

j.

[andrew mitchell]

Lovely write jacob, its funny the firing squad and the melancholic write reminded me of the unknown soldier by the doors. I could hear the shots! and maybe losing out in love you were an unknown soldier.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

such insightful words, andrew...thank you for your review...

j.

[V]

The tone is wonderfully melancholic such as the images. I don't know why but I prefer the lines about the shoes and eyes. Reads great.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Vanessa...

j.

[poet_feefee]

Beautiful.
"a volunteer army of emotions
willed into service
simply by
being near you"
Makes me yearn to be near someone.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, feefee...

j.

[Lyn Anderson]

"scuffed feelings" -- at once trivial and brilliant -- I am never disappointed to read your writing.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, KL...

j.