an Atheist's love affair

 

an Atheist’s love affair

 

i am a dangling modifier

with nothing left to modify

a verb with no conjugation

as a pastor with no congregation

 

my will is assigned to a nameless estate

a numb poem given away

by a posthumous heart

that still beats

but with complete insensitivity

caring was once the subject of my sentence

 

but now i am semantically slain

a coffined connoisseur of poetic religion

 

a theatrical theme kneeling in a pew

praying for redemption

but apathy

is like an arthritis 

that won't let me get up again

 

i saw you just before the pause

captured by your fragmented nature

thought i could edit you into a fool-proofed love 

 

but intentions are often misplaced

and now i am an adjective with no future

 

and you are a past participle

slandering me with your run-on declensions

 

making me your perfectly written heretic.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

10/22/17

Reviews

[Mirror]

"but now i am semantically slain
a coffined connoisseur of poetic religion"

Some poets will see this as an enigmatic statement. But how true these words are.

This is a powerful write that hits the nail to the bone if any writer read this critically. And any reviewer too. :) Beautiful.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Mirror...
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks a lot jacob ...now i have at least an hour making sure i know all the differences in the parts of speech you have whipped to your will ... ;}
Atheism is an intriguing study says i ..i am one who does not believe it is a possible state ... one must continually deny the ordered world of life ..even with disasters here and there .. something must replace the God spot ..we are simply made that way .. pushing disbelief to the brink and over it causes changes ... your metaphors are keen as always .. clever clever clever says i ... a glimmer of hope
" i saw you just before the pause" but alas ... seems conjugations have run amok for the damned :(((( what i like most of all about this poem is the traveling ever so concisely through the thoughts of Atheism ... as i imagine anyway! well done sir... well done indeed
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i really appreciate your kind review, E.

j.

[Coyote Poetry]

This is wonderful poetry and I liked how you used the words.
"but apathy
is like an arthritis
that won't let me get up again"
I liked and I understood the above lines. Perfect ending to a outstanding poem Jacob.
Coyote

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Coyote.
j.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome my friend.

[Jimmy Yetts]

As much a grammarian's love affair as an atheist's.
Clever and insightful metaphors; first two lines, a powerful opening.
Work to be admired.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Jimmy.
j.

[barleygirl]

This is hauntingly similar to how desolate my love life has felt in the past 20 years! If I ever let myself feel it, this is what it would feel like. I always love your ever-growing metaphorical treatments . . . it sometimes seems like the literary asides can be a place to hide & put some distance from the true desolate sensations *sigh!* Fondly, Margie

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for sharing how you related to this, Margie...

j.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

"intentions are often misplaced"
Aye, so they are, more often than one can imagine... 'edit you into a fool-proofed love', that made me kinda laugh, if only that could be done lol
As always, a metaphorically brilliant write, Jacob.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words and insights, Yumna....
j.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

You're welcome, Jacob 😊

[h d e rushin]

true: only grammar holds the igneous suggestions of loves volatility. everything else is as free as fire.

your words ring so true this morning my friend...dana

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your visit, dana...
j.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

OMG- brilliance extrapolated to the quantum degree. Perfect, metaphorical, killer lines- each one can stand alone. “I am semantically slain” by your poem j. Anger, vitriol, need, punctuated by vulnerability. All gods toppled by damaged love. I bow to the Master once again. Kudos!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you are very kind Annette.
j.

[Priya]

Wow! I must be honest, I needed a dictionary to fully comprehend this. What witty metaphors, and what intelligent poetry. I adore this, Jacob!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Priya.
j.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Faith in love and all the expectations that go with it, the romance and poetry is akin to religious belief (although more fairytale) and when one finds ones faith shattered it certainly feels we have no place, no role. Filled to the very brim with powerful metaphor!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, John.
j.