a claim on belief

a claim on belief

 

 

sift the yellow sky

through my fingers

like gold dust,

 

 

i am the dusk of me

shadowing the moon of existence

 

wondering what the point of rising 

 

is, 

 

when the fervor of life 

feels like panning in an empty stream

 

the odds of striking priceless faith

 

waning like the moribund day

toward a black sky.

 

 

erin-cilberto

10/27/17

Reviews

[CD Campbell]

Have you ever talked to anyone that has had such a profound religious experience that it has left no doubt in their mind what is behind the curtain? I have. When I read your poem, it reminded me of why some of us keep searching. There is gold somewhere. Maybe it is not where we think it is. Great poem. CD

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your insights, CD...i appreciate your visits.
j.

[wordman]

depression will cayse you to wonder about life,existance, and all other matters of life,i think you did a great job of espression

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, wordman, appreciate your comment.
j.

[wordman]

you`re welcome,,i see a type o,to late now,lol

[KWP]

oh man - I spent a good portion of my afternoon yesterday trying to write exactly this - ha! funny synchronicity - I even have yellow in it - I was playing with words trying to state the feeling of depression - it needs work - much work - but I am going to put it below anyway and hopefully you may give me your thoughts.

You have simplified while adding depth - I have exacerbated - but mine is for the into to a novel - as i Said, needs work, trying also to find the narrators voice ...

I particularly love the first stanza - it grabbed me and held me right there - love it Jacob.

Now here's what I wrote ... I need to replace the word death I feel ...

My life thus far has been spent running from death. My own death. A death I shall bring to myself. I don’t want to die. It feels ironic in the running away I am propelling myself forward towards my own ultimate death. We all die, but we don’t want to chase it. I am stuck in the middle of life between two deaths. Running in erratic fashion. Unsure of the destination. Not running too far forward to fast. Side to side works. This way, that way. Never staying still. That’s the key. Stillness opens the door to death behind. It creeps in like an early winter. Surprising me by rendering me catatonic under a wet blanket of lethargy. Pins me with immobility. Enters my ears so a dense fog fills my brain. Suffocating. Lifeless piece of flesh. Rotting from the inside out. Insidious thoughts diseasing any sense of equilibrium.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

best line " rendering me catatonic under a wet blanket of lethargy"
Death does fit...but if you feel you need to change it, "fate" might work also...
geez, this is me lately...not so much depression though....just more of a "i don't give a s**t" attitude...it happens ...
thanks for your thoughts on my coincidental piece, paralleling your own feelings.
j.

[KWP]

hey thanks for your thoughts Jacob - they are much, much appreciated indeed :D - and yeah, it happens doesn't it. We always forget to stand back and observe it, preferring instead to sink right in and suck it all up.

An I don't give a s**t attitude - is that not a first step towards Zen :D XXX

[andrew mitchell]

I am the dusk of me ....... wondering what the point of rising is.... exquisite lines, brilliant.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, andrew.
j.

[ms. barrie]

beautifully written, vividly pensive, i’m always in awe of the way your ink capture imagery/emotions, etc in such a unique way. thank you for sharing — x - barrie

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, barrie.
j.

[ms. barrie]

you’re most welcome :)

[Neville]

These words have not just been slung together, it is clear that they have been well considered and subsequently crafted into a poem of considerable merit. Certainly one to savour and to reflect upon, time and again....N

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Neville.

j.

[Neville]

Again, my pleasure, N

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Maybe everyone sees this dusk in their lives.
Maybe the urge to give up, seeds from the fact that a lot many other times they stood up tall for themselves and their loved ones.
Maybe once in a while we all need to just calm down and be. And let the life fall into its place on its own.

A beautiful poem, Mr. Cilberto! Got me thinking, like really

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Jyoti..
j.

[Paul Bell]

I always think it's a western thing. We cease to exist after a certain time of life. No longer required.
Yet in China, you would be classed as the wise one.
People would seek your opinion. Where did it all go wrong.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

they would be bitterly disappointed..i can hardly think well enough for myself...but thanks, Paul.read morethey would be bitterly disappointed..i can hardly think well enough for myself...but thanks, Paul.
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

i see your speaker on the edge of discovery ..i think some of our finest insights are the result of being brought to the place of giving up ... of letting go ... your theme is my cup of tea jacob .. and once again your use of metaphor is spot on and so enjoyable to read ..tho this one ends moving towards a black sky :(((
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, E.
j.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

When we struggle for purpose life often feels empty and meaningless. As we get older and friendships wane, old chums die off, children are gone and consumed with their own lives, and there is no one to teach sometimes we see death close to us. Lucky for us we have your poetry to teach us not only form but also empathy and ethos.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for these very kind words, John.
j.