of Cold Castles Built

of Cold Castles Built 

 

 

 

a mother lost a mother

ten years old and trying to understand

the coup sought by an intruder

 

she leaving

she leaning

away from a cold father

who was lost to her 

in the reeling years

 

16 and on her own

a kingdom up for sale

a heart bought at Woolworths Five and Dime

cheaply wrapped

and then unraveled

 

she leaving

she leaning

a mother lost a mother

then a father,

then herself

 

years later, Woolworths went out of business

as did her heart

and will to live

 

she leaving

she leaning

into ashes of the wall she built

the fortress for her spirit to thrive

 

still living on what she bartered 

for that kingdom

the intruder mired in her mind

the moat around her now dry.

 

 

erin-cilberto

6/26/19

Reviews

[poetgurl (Plainly Meg)]

aww so sad and heart tugging, the way it repeats itself could be made for song lyrics. Very nicely composed write

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and i miss her very much...
thank you, Kimmie.
j.

[Fairytale]

Short, yet very deep, an amazing job.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Fairytale.
j.

[Brad]

This is beautiful. The story plays like a movie in the imagination, without too many words to interrupt the show.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Brad,
j.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

This would make an epic song j.! The winding together and apart of lives, things we lose and how they affect us throughout time, the hard knocks of living in need, the protective walls we build- superb and fraught with symbolism and deep meaning. Love the purity and impact of the lines, the repetition, the musicality, the references. “A mother lost a mother”- “a heart bought at Woolworth’s Five and Dime”. Truly hits home. One to remember and save.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Annette...yes, this poem is very close to my heart...my mom and what she went through...
thank you for your words,
j.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Experiencing to many tragedies can build walls to high for your emotions to feel the warmth of the sun.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

very true, Dale...thank you for your insight.
j.

[Jade]

sad but yet emotional in a way, very well written and expressed.
very creative, I enjoyed the flow of it as well.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Brandie,
j.

[Jade]

not a problem

[PaintedBirdy]

brother, this is tragedy, which i love, but i don't even know what to say this time.so good job! of course, your leaving/learning repttition is effective but the messages inbetween are far more forceful. good job, fellow. you are someone a person can learn from.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, MondaineGarcon,
j.

[Chris Shaw]

The early death of a parent leaves scars on a child. I see a mother dying here, and a father unable to cope with nurturing his daughter. She loses them both and herself as a consequence. Sounds like she well and truly went off the rails. Sad poem. Children need the love of parents to ensure they have a balanced outlook.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, your reply is quite insightful..sometimes i will share the story with you.
thanks Chris.
j.

[Paul Bell]

Not to detract from the demise of Woolworths. But did things fall into your pocket too.
Death, and the consequences of death. The moat that could never really protect the mind.
The unravelling in this poem is so tangible. You know the end, but you still want to know the end.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

ha ha, on the things falling into the pockets...
thank you for your kind review, Paul.
j.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Death comes as an intruder to disrupt and in the eyes of a child difficult to put into perspective. A parenthood distant and detached and young heart seeks solice in exploration of the forbidden fruit. But later regret and all the angst sees psychological barriers raised. An interesting piece indeed Jacob.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words and insight, John,
j.