Don't Ask

What does it take to be loveable enough?

Don't Ask

by Erin L George

 

Don't ask me to smile (I've never been one to fake it).

You take me to heights, to watch me fall.

I'll be your w***e, heart inside out -

begging for more.

 

But

don't ask me to love (or let it show through)

while you think of her, searching for proof

that you're loveable...

When

I'm here, telling you!

 

Don't ask me to give (I can't do this alone).

Make promises, meaning nothing at all.

I'll be your friend, dreams tossed on the floor -

ever the one to answer your call.

 

But

don't ask me to trust (I've been hurt before)

while you cry for her, in my arms

your lustable w***e...

When

I'm here, begging you!

I'll smile ear to ear

and land hard on my a*s

(that's what unconditional is)

never to sass.

 

But

I'll be crying inside (and wondering)

while you morn for her, frozen tears

oblvious of my fears...

When

is fair, fair?

I'll stand by you

bleeding back pain

(that's what best friends do)

never to gain.

 

But

I'll be dying inside (Do you care?)

while you take your time,

unaware of my love, blind...

When

will you open your eyes?

 

Reviews

[The Analog Kid]

My only criticism: I agree with Dane on the repitition.

Such powerful words. The narrator uses "w***e" to show how she "put out" in hopes of clinching the user. Sad. This speaks to most of us that have felt used. Often, what you need is right is front of your eyes. For some reason, humans are drawn into these stupid situations time and time again. Very enjoyable read.

Patrick

[Gary McDonald]

I am utterly speechless, it was gripping, beautiful, heart wrenching. Just absolutely incredible!!

[J. C. Koch]

powerful emotions, but i don't think you should call yourself a w***e. I know it might be how you feel, it just seems a little wrong. Really good imagery too, i really like the 2nd to last paragraph.

[Millionth Muse]

I love the emotion in this piece...I get an instant sense of strength mixed with angst and longing as I read this. There is a juxtaposition of certain commonalities (like what you know you should do, how you know you should be, etc., and how you really act, what you show people, etc.) that I've felt before and you touched on it well.

I agree with Dane on the repetition of (I've never been one to fake it)...some of the classics use repetition as a tool, and I've seen some modern poets do it as well, but as a rule, it just throws me off except in certain very rare instances. You poem doesn't need the repetition, it stands on it's own without you having to keep telling the reader that line.

Overall, very good! Loved it!

[Erin Lee]

Thanks Dane. I'm LOOKING for constructive criticism. I'll definitely go back and take a look at that!!! I appreciate your reviews!

[Dane Osborne]

Kudos!! This is a very powerful write as mentioned before in the other reviews.To me this seems to be about the conflict between reason and emotions in one of the deadliest of scenarios: the attraction of the human heart.The way I see it trust is like a flimsy fragile crutch that crippled humanity has no choice but to rely on. At any second the crutch could break and leave us helpless on the floor but its also the only reason we get anywhere at all. Thats what makes me sad about humanoids, they always want to rely on what hurts them the most. The only constructive advice i have to offer on this is that i think that the repetiton of (I've never been one to fake it) is a little excessive. It works well the first time its used but the pome would run alot smoother if it wasn't repeated so much. I'm just trying to help not insult so please don't take offense. This is a very solid piece:)

[deeps]

This is quite the powerful write here. I enjoyed reading this write.

[Susan14]

this is an amazing poem it really has strong feelings in it it was just miraculous, keep up the great work

[Tara♥Undefined&h..]

It had such strong feeling. It was miraculous. Amazing work!!!

[Jacqueline Lopez]

I like some of your rhymes in this poem. Good.